Becoming Unoffendable

I’ll be honest—this one doesn’t come naturally.

I’ve always been a people pleaser. I want to be liked, understood, and respected. While that can be a strength in leadership, it can also be a trap. Every criticism stings and even mild disagreements can feel personal.

Over time, I’ve learned about a surprising superpower: becoming unoffendable. I’m not claiming to have fully mastered this, but the closer I get, the better I become.

Why It Matters

Offense is everywhere. We find it scrolling social media. We see it in our workplaces. And if you’ve ever had a news article written about you, go check the comment section. Leaders who take everything personally, or who respond to every slight, will burn out fast. They become reactive and lose credibility.

Being unoffendable doesn’t mean being passive. Instead, it means refusing to let our ego and emotions hijack our influence.

Brant Hansen, in his book Unoffendable, asks: what if we gave up our “right” to be offended? He argues that anger is rarely righteous, and that holding onto offense keeps us trapped in bitterness. That perspective stuck with me.

Craig Groeschel says it this way:

‍“Your life is too short and your calling too great to live offended.”

Exactly. If you’re called to lead, you simply can’t afford to let offense become your operating system.

There are many benefits of getting thicker skin.

1. You Gain Emotional Clarity
   When you stop taking things personally, you can see reality more clearly. Was that comment really about you or about someone else’s frustration? Were you attacked or challenged to grow? Leaders with emotional clarity choose to respond rather than react.
   
   
2. You Build Trust Faster
   Ironically, leaders who aren’t easily offended become more approachable. Teams will open up, peers will share ideas, and others will take risks without fear of a blow-up. Thick skin creates a safer space.
   
   
3. You Grow More Quickly
   Offense acts like armor. It blocks you from receiving feedback that could make you better. When you stop defending yourself from everything, you become more coachable and more effective.
   
   
4. You Model Maturity
   Every time you stay calm under criticism or refuse to escalate conflict, you show others how to lead. Unoffendable leaders set the tone for healthy, resilient cultures.

But what if it still hurts when you are criticized, critiqued, and condemned? Of course words can sting. I have replayed countless conversations at night. That’s human and that’s normal.

The goal isn’t to be numb, it’s to be resilient.

And resilience grows when your identity is rooted in purpose, not popularity. (I probably need to read that line again!)

Here’s my challenge to my fellow people pleasers:
Let the comment slide.
Take the feedback without flinching.
Assume the best.

People are messy and leadership is hard. But if you can lead with thick skin and a soft heart, you’ll stand out and your influence will grow.

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