I’ll be honest—this one doesn’t come naturally.

I’ve always been a people pleaser. I want to be liked, understood, and respected. While that can be a strength in leadership, it can also be a trap. Every criticism stings and even mild disagreements can feel personal.

Over time, I’ve learned about a surprising superpower: becoming unoffendable. I’m not claiming to have fully mastered this, but the closer I get, the better I become.

Why It Matters

Offense is everywhere. We find it scrolling social media. We see it in our workplaces. And if you’ve ever had a news article written about you, go check the comment section. Leaders who take everything personally, or who respond to every slight, will burn out fast. They become reactive and lose credibility.

Being unoffendable doesn’t mean being passive. Instead, it means refusing to let our ego and emotions hijack our influence.

Brant Hansen, in his book Unoffendable, asks: what if we gave up our “right” to be offended? He argues that anger is rarely righteous, and that holding onto offense keeps us trapped in bitterness. That perspective stuck with me.

Craig Groeschel says it this way:

‍“Your life is too short and your calling too great to live offended.”

Exactly. If you’re called to lead, you simply can’t afford to let offense become your operating system.

There are many benefits of getting thicker skin.

1. You Gain Emotional Clarity
   When you stop taking things personally, you can see reality more clearly. Was that comment really about you or about someone else’s frustration? Were you attacked or challenged to grow? Leaders with emotional clarity choose to respond rather than react.
   
   
2. You Build Trust Faster
   Ironically, leaders who aren’t easily offended become more approachable. Teams will open up, peers will share ideas, and others will take risks without fear of a blow-up. Thick skin creates a safer space.
   
   
3. You Grow More Quickly
   Offense acts like armor. It blocks you from receiving feedback that could make you better. When you stop defending yourself from everything, you become more coachable and more effective.
   
   
4. You Model Maturity
   Every time you stay calm under criticism or refuse to escalate conflict, you show others how to lead. Unoffendable leaders set the tone for healthy, resilient cultures.

But what if it still hurts when you are criticized, critiqued, and condemned? Of course words can sting. I have replayed countless conversations at night. That’s human and that’s normal.

The goal isn’t to be numb, it’s to be resilient.

And resilience grows when your identity is rooted in purpose, not popularity. (I probably need to read that line again!)

Here’s my challenge to my fellow people pleasers:
Let the comment slide.
Take the feedback without flinching.
Assume the best.

People are messy and leadership is hard. But if you can lead with thick skin and a soft heart, you’ll stand out and your influence will grow.

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At the beginning of 2025, we introduced synergy as the central theme for ADDO this year. I know that the word itself might sound like it belongs on a corporate buzzword bingo card. But let me be clear: synergy isn’t fluff. It’s a game-changing principle. And when it’s intentionally practiced, it has the power to transform how teams think, act, and win.

At its core, synergy is simple yet profound:

The sum can be greater than its parts.

In a true synergistic team, 1 + 1 doesn’t equal 2. It equals 3… or 5… or even 10. That’s not wishful thinking, that’s the result of people bringing their best and building something better together.

So what makes this kind of next-level collaboration possible?

As I’ve mentioned before, there are four foundational elements that unlock true synergy:
Humility. Communication. Trust. Alignment.

At our recent summer retreat, we had the privilege of hearing from four incredible leaders on our team: Andrew Corn, Caitlin Lewis, Lindsay Corris, and Trevor Woodward. Each of these individuals shared powerful insights around these pillars. Here are just a few takeaways that resonated deeply with me:

Humility: The Foundation of Trust

Humility is where synergy begins. Without it, trust has no soil to grow in.

As Andrew pointed out, when you're chasing a goal big enough, you quickly realize you can’t do it alone. And that realization is freeing. It silences ego, invites collaboration, and gives everyone permission to listen deeply, learn constantly, and lift others up.

In a humble team, credit takes a backseat—and contribution takes the wheel.

Communication: Clarity That Cuts Through Chaos

Communication isn’t just about saying more, it’s about saying what matters, and hearing what’s said.

Trevor reminded us that open, honest communication is the oxygen that keeps synergy alive. It’s about creating space for dialogue, not monologue. When clarity replaces confusion, we gain speed. When in doubt, context matters… so pick up the phone!

Trust: The Invisible Accelerator

Trust can’t be faked, forced, or fast-tracked. It’s earned in the trenches, over time.

Trust allows us to move faster, take risks, and cover each other’s blind spots. When trust is strong, friction fades and momentum builds.

Trust isn’t the extra, it's the edge.

Alignment: Power in the Same Direction

Even the most talented team stalls out if they’re rowing in opposite directions.

Lindsay and Caitlin both drove home the importance of shared goals, values, and priorities. When a team is aligned, there’s no wasted energy. Every action amplifies the next.

Alignment doesn’t happen by accident. It’s a daily decision.

Something powerful happens when humility grounds us, communication connects us, trust binds us, and alignment drives us.

As we enter the final stretch of 2025, one thing is clear:Synergy isn’t just a theme. It’s a strategy. It’s a mindset. It’s a better way to work.

Scroll your feed for five seconds and you’ll see it: two powerful voices shouting opposite truths.

On one end of the spectrum is the hustle crowd. These are the voices telling you, “If you’re not grinding, you’re falling behind.” They preach obsession as a prerequisite for greatness. Work harder. Sleep less. Dream bigger. Be more relentless. After all, if you really cared about your goals, you wouldn’t take a break, right?

Then, just a few swipes away, come the work-life balance experts, reminding you to breathe, slow down, and be present. They say, “Life is short. Don’t miss it because you were too busy chasing success.” Their message: Don’t live to work. Take the trip. Unplug. You weren’t made to burn out.

Here’s the kicker: they both have a point, but in isolation, each becomes dangerous.

I love this quote from E.B. White:
“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world.”

That’s the daily tension for high-capacity leaders.
We want to build something that matters, but we also long to enjoy the moments that do.

Work is a calling. We were made to contribute.
But we weren’t made just to produce.

The goal isn’t to eliminate the tension. It’s to manage it with wisdom and intention.

• Yes, strive for excellence. But also rest with intention.
• Yes, build something that matters. But don’t miss the people who matter most.
• Yes, push hard in seasons. But don’t forget to stop and laugh along the way.

The best leaders don’t pick a side. They walk the tightrope of hustling with purpose and pausing with perspective.

Because success isn’t just about achievement.
It’s about living a life that’s aligned with your purpose, your values, and your people.

So today when you feel that familiar pull, to improve or to enjoy, remember: That tension is normal. Even good.

Lean into it. Let it shape the way you lead, love, and live.

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Last week while traveling in Amsterdam, I heard a story that stuck with me.

In 17th-century Holland, tulips weren’t just flowers, they were a frenzy. Imported from the Ottoman Empire, these exotic blooms were unlike anything Europe had seen. Their rarity made them fascinating. Their colors made them desirable. Their story made them status symbols.

At the height of “Tulip Mania,” one single bulb could sell for more than the price of a home. Then, just as quickly, the market crashed. But the lesson didn’t die with the bubble:

Perception is a powerful driver of demand.

History is full of products that soared, not because of what they did, but because of what they meant. Because of how they made people feel. Because of the story they told.

Let’s take a few examples:

• Apple’s iPhone: It wasn’t the first smartphone. But it looked different. It felt different. Apple didn’t just sell a phone—they sold sleekness, simplicity, and status. They sold the future.
• Starbucks: Coffee wasn’t the product. Culture was. They sold a lifestyle between work and home. A space to belong. A name on your cup that made you feel seen.
• NFTs: A Non-Fungible Token is a unique digital asset that represents ownership of something, like digital art, music, or virtual real estate. Most people didn’t understand them when they came out, and many still don’t. But people weren’t buying logic. They were buying exclusivity, community, and hype.

So whether you're launching a product, building a brand, or leading a team, here are a few strategies to engineer demand:

1. Sell Emotion, Not Just Function: People don’t buy features, they buy feelings. Confidence. Curiosity. Belonging. Make your offer more than useful—make it emotional.

2. Tell a Story That Sticks: Tulips were rare, but their narrative made them legendary. What’s the story behind what you offer? Why does it matter? Stories create meaning. Meaning drives value.

3. Leverage Scarcity and Social Proof: Humans chase what feels exclusive. We trust what others want. Use waitlists, testimonials, limited drops, and signals that say: This is in demand. You don't want to miss it.

4. Align With Identity: People don’t buy products, they buy better versions of themselves. Does your offer help them feel smarter, trendier, more responsible? Speak to who they want to become.

If you want to be irresistible in the marketplace, don’t just make something good.

Make it wanted.

Create desire. Craft a story. Engineer demand.

“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” – Aristotle

At first, I’ll admit, I rolled my eyes at that quote. Sure, Aristotle, easy for you to say. Did you ever have to crank out expense reports on a Friday afternoon?

But the more I’ve lived, led, and observed people at work, the more I realize: the man was right.

Think about the people who love what they do. I mean really love it. The barista who knows your name and your order. The teacher who lights up explaining a math problem. The CEO who walks the halls with a genuine smile. There’s something magnetic about them—and it’s not just their attitude. They’re usually great at what they do.

That’s not luck. That’s a pattern.

The people who enjoy their work don’t just clock in and out, they show up differently. They’re sharper. More focused. More resilient. Not because someone’s watching, but because they want to be better. Excellence doesn’t start when you get your dream job, but with showing up with purpose.

Let’s be honest: no job is 100% joy. Every role has its share of boring, frustrating, grind-it-out moments. If someone told you when you find your passion, you’ll love every second of your job, they lied to you. That’s just wrong.

However, when you approach work with the right mindset, you begin to cultivate a love for what you’re doing.

Joy doesn’t always come first. Sometimes it shows up after you commit. After you push through. After you choose to lean in. The result? Your work product gets better as well.

Want to be that kind of leader? That kind of teammate? That kind of professional? Start here:

1. Be grateful. Remind yourself that your work is a privilege, not a burden. Gratitude shifts perspective, and perspective shifts performance.
   
   
2. Find the purpose. Help your team (and yourself) see the “why” behind the “what.” Even the mundane has meaning when you connect it to something bigger.
   
   
3. Celebrate progress. Perfection may be rare—but growth and progress are possible. Acknowledge how far you’ve come. It fuels momentum and builds joy.

Aristotle wasn’t just waxing poetic, he was telling the truth. When you care, the work improves. When you enjoy the process, excellence becomes possible.

So whatever’s on your plate today, whether you’re leading a team, launching a product, or just wading through spreadsheets, don’t wait for joy to show up. Bring it with you.

Progress will follow passion.

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In college, I got an unforgettable call: a friend helping coordinate President George W. Bush’s visit to Atlanta needed drivers for the motorcade. I said yes before he could finish the sentence.

No, I wasn’t driving the limousine. But I was assigned to one of the 15-passenger vans that trailed just behind it. This included part of the caravan carrying White House staff, media, and security.

The night before the event, all the volunteer drivers gathered for a mandatory security briefing. Background checks. Logistics. Protocols. And then came the serious part: what to do if things go wrong.

I sat next to a woman who was so excited, until this portion. Her hands started trembling.

They made it clear: Never stop. Don’t break formation. Don’t let anyone between you and the car in front of you. No exceptions.
They painted the picture: blocked routes, potential attacks, emergency response scenarios. It sounded more like an action movie than a volunteer assignment.

After one particularly intense scenario, she leaned toward me and whispered, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

The next morning, nine volunteers showed up. She wasn’t one of them.

I still think about that morning. This lady let fear steal an opportunity she was looking forward to.

As Donald Miller wrote:

‍“Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.”

Think about it.
How many times has fear whispered: don’t?

• Don’t audition.
• Don’t apply.
• Don’t speak up.
• Don’t ask them out.

And so we shrink. We play it safe. We avoid the very risks that lead to purpose.

But fear’s not just a feeling, it’s a thief.

So today:
Make the call.
Send the application.
Ask for the sale.
Take the risk.

Don’t let fear drive. You were made for more.

Let’s face it: most people fall into two camps:

1. Those who love selling.
2. Those who think sales is sleazy, manipulative, and self-serving.

But here’s the truth we overlook:
“Nothing happens until someone sells something.”
– Henry Ford

Sales isn’t just about closing a deal. It’s about opening minds.

If your ideas are worthy, important, and good, then you have a responsibility to position and persuade—because the best ideas don't always win. The best-sold ones do.

In my book, The Lens, I challenge readers to rethink their relationship with positioning and persuasion. When we refuse to develop these skills, we don’t look noble, we just lose influence.

“Selling is inherently persuasive, but it’s not inherently wrong.”
— The Lens

Take this real-world example: Two books, same topic. One: profound insights, brilliant writing—but barely marketed. The other: average content, killer promotion.
Guess which one sold over 100,000 copies?

The difference wasn’t the content. It was the positioning.

This isn’t just about books. It's true for everything:

• The best artists don’t always sell the most art.
• The most talented singers don’t pack stadiums.
• The finest restaurants aren’t always the busiest.

Want proof? Just look at smartphones. There are phones on the market with better cameras, more features, and stronger specs than the iPhone. But which phone dominates globally? The iPhone.
Why? Because Apple doesn’t just build a product, they build a story.
They position.

Great leaders understand this:

‍Marketing isn’t manipulation. It’s stewardship.

If your idea can make the world better, you owe it to yourself, and others, to sell it well.

So stop judging the salesman.
Be one.
And remember: Nothing happens until someone sells something.

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There’s a simple saying I come back to time and time again when coaching leaders: Bad news doesn’t get better with time.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t enjoy conflict.

There’s been far too many times in my life that I’ve stalled, I’ve sugarcoated, and I’ve hoped the problem would fix itself.

Whether it’s giving hard feedback, calling out a mistake, or confronting an issue, the temptation is always the same: wait. Here’s the hard truth:

‍Bad news ignored becomes worse news later.

I’ve written before about the difference between cows and buffalo when storms roll in. Cows try to outrun the storm, only prolonging their pain. Buffalo, on the other hand, charge directly into it. By facing the storm head-on, they get through it quicker.

Leadership is the same. The fastest way through is head-on. When we avoid delivering tough messages, we’re not sparing people pain, we’re prolonging it. And usually, we’re compounding it.

Think about it:

• A team member isn’t performing.
• A client relationship is unraveling.
• There’s tension in the room no one wants to name.

Waiting doesn’t make these problems go away; it allows them to fester.

Here’s what happens when you address tough issues directly and with compassion:

1. You build trust.
   People don’t want a leader who hides from the truth. They respect someone who will say what needs to be said with honesty and clarity.
2. You protect team culture.
   Unaddressed conflict erodes morale. When you handle problems early, you prevent resentment from spreading and keep your culture healthy.
3. You give people a chance to improve.
   Feedback, even when it’s tough, is a gift. It gives people the opportunity to grow, correct course, and succeed.
4. You gain clarity faster.
   Sometimes what you fear will be a major confrontation turns out to be a simple misunderstanding. You’ll never know until you initiate the conversation.

It’s not about being harsh, it’s about being honest. You can deliver hard truths with heart. You can challenge people while still caring for them deeply. In fact, the most courageous leaders are the ones who combine truth and grace in every conversation.

Is there a tough conversation you’ve been avoiding? Courageously step into it, because bad news doesn’t get better with time.

I walked into an organization a while back where two employees were in the middle of a heated conflict.

The issue? A piece of equipment...

Apparently, both needed to use it at the same time on the same day. But instead of working out a basic schedule, the tension had escalated, and it escalated quickly. Raised voices. Passive-aggressive emails. People digging in their heels.

Now, I’ve seen my fair share of workplace issues, but this seemed way overblown with a lot of overreaction.

Only later did I discover what was truly going on, and it wasn’t really about the equipment at all.  

My friend Kim Harris told me:

When someone gets hysterical in a conflict, it’s usually historical.

Hysterical behavior means someone’s reacting with extreme emotion to a moment that, on the surface, doesn’t seem to warrant it. That kind of reaction usually has roots that go way deeper than what’s happening at the moment.

In this case, these two team members weren’t just battling over the one-time use of a piece of equipment.

They actually had years of unresolved tension. You know the types: snubs in meetings, ignored emails, competing for the same promotion. The current conflict wasn’t the cause, it was just the spark that lit a relational powder keg.

Organizational psychologist Adam Grant talks about the difference between task conflict and relational conflict.

• Task conflict is about disagreements over ideas and opinions
• Relational conflict is about the people– it involves personal, emotional clashes.

And here’s the problem: most of the time, we treat everything like a task conflict. We try to fix the process, tweak the schedule, or mediate the surface issue.

But if the root is relational, then no task-based solution will ever solve it.

So what should leaders do?

First, pay attention to the emotion. If someone on your team is overreacting to something small, pause before you jump into solution mode.

Ask yourself: Is this about the moment or is this about the memory?

When emotion runs high, there’s probably a story beneath the surface. A time they felt overlooked, embarrassed, threatened, or dismissed.

If you lead with curiosity instead of control, you might discover what’s really going on—and actually help resolve the thing no one’s been willing to name.

Second, look below the surface. You don’t have to be a therapist to lead well.

But you do need to be emotionally intelligent enough to recognize that the biggest problems rarely show up with a name tag that says, “Hey, I’m a decades-old grudge dressed up like a scheduling conflict.”

Leadership isn’t about managing moments. It’s about understanding motivations.

And when you take the time to dig deeper you’ve take a step to defuse the hysteria.

When someone’s reaction doesn’t match the moment, don’t just ask, “What’s wrong with them?”
Ask, “What happened to them?”

Because if it feels hysterical, it’s probably historical.

And if you want to lead people well, you have to care enough to look beneath the surface.