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I was reminded recently of a lesson I learned the hard way.
It was 2015. I was standing behind a table at the launch party for a book I co-authored with my friend Paulus Wiratno, The Lepers’ Lessons.
We hosted two launch events, one in Atlanta and one in Bali. Both were meaningful, but for very different reasons.
The Atlanta event felt surreal. Paulus and his wife Marlieyse flew in from Indonesia. The room was filled with remarkable leaders, including legendary UGA football coach Vince Dooley and Ritz-Carlton co-founder Horst Schulze.
As the evening wrapped up, people lined up at the table to buy books.
One person stepped forward and asked for ten copies. And instinctively, I waved them off.
“Just take them. Thanks so much for coming tonight! I really appreciate your support. Don’t worry about paying.”
It felt generous. It felt right.
Later that evening, Marlieyse pulled me aside and quietly said something I’ll never forget:
“You made a mistake earlier tonight. You robbed that person of an opportunity.”
I was confused.
She continued, “When people pay for something, they place value on it. When they don’t, they don’t.”
Said another way:
When people pay, they pay attention.
I began noticing the difference almost immediately.
When I gave books away too easily, people were grateful, but not invested. They smiled. They said thank you. And most of them would never read the book.
But when someone chose to buy it, when they spent their hard-earned money, everything shifted.
Their posture changed. Their questions deepened. They leaned in.
This lesson isn’t about money.
It’s about ownership and the insight goes far beyond books.
1. Investment Creates Engagement
People value what they invest in, whether that investment is money, time, energy, or effort. Free often feels good in the moment, but it rarely creates commitment.
2. Friction Isn’t the Enemy, Apathy Is
A small “cost” on the front end (paying, signing up, preparing, showing up early) filters out passive interest and invites active participation.
3. Ownership Drives Follow-Through
When people choose to invest, they don’t want to waste that investment. They listen more closely. They act more intentionally. The return improves.
4. Design for Front-End Engagement
If you want long-term engagement, don’t remove all the barriers, but instead design meaningful ones. Ask for something up front:
- A decision
- A commitment
- A contribution
5. Generosity Isn’t About Giving Everything Away
True generosity creates transformation, not convenience. Sometimes the most generous thing you can do is let people invest.
Whether you’re in sales for a business, a leader in a non-profit, or a pastor in ministry, if you want people to care more over time, find ways for them to invest more at the beginning. Engagement on the front end multiplies engagement in the long run.
When people pay…with their money, with their time, or with their energy, they pay attention.
