The same is true of fathers. Now that I have children of my own, I love to have conversations with dads who I respect and admire who have been in this role longer than I have. One of these men is Larry Grays. He has four children, and his two oldest are in high school. In a recent conversation, he shared with me that one of the best ways he has found to connect with his two oldest children is to ask them these two questions:
1. What do you need more from me?
2. What do you need less from me?
He went on to explain that because his children are different, he never receives the same answer from them. One of them may need more quality time, while the other needs more encouragement. One of them may need less criticism, while the other needs more accountability.
Granted, these are not the right questions to ask my almost-two-year-old. However, they are amazing questions, not just for older children, but also for leaders. These questions are helpful because they are designed to allow someone to express their needs with the confidence that the person asking is there to help, support, and care for them. So ask the people on your team: What do you need more from me? What do you need less from me?
I need more specific direction. More affirmation that I am doing this job the right way. More context about why we do things the way we do.
I need less micro-management. Fewer constraints on my schedule. More freedom in decision-making.
The answers to these questions provide a wealth of insight about how others are processing their role, their present workload, and the culture of your company. But the content of their answers should not always dictate how you respond. It’s not your responsibility to give the people on your team exactly what they want every single time they ask. However, it is your job to provide them what they need.
They may want less detailed direction, but you may need to keep over-communicating until they are consistently accomplishing the things required of them. They may want more freedom in decision-making, but they may need more time to master certain aspects of their role. We always benefit from knowing what our team members, spouses, children, and friends are thinking.
The greater our insight, the greater our ability to care and support them in the ways they need most.
Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.”
Most of the time, when you hear a speaker introduce a “new” leadership concept or read a book about an idea you’ve never heard of before, the content is not really original. What’s being said has always been true, but these speakers and authors have used a new language to communicate it. As someone who communicates often and is always looking for something new, a fresh way to say something, or a creative example to share, I can confirm that the most impactful leadership concepts are the ones that we’ve been talking about for decades. So today I want to share something that I talked about 15 years ago, but has been resonating with me lately.
It’s a poem often attributed to Mother Teresa. I have known it for a long time, and it’s as true now as it was then.
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.
This reminder is as much for me as it is for you today. Even when the results aren’t what they should be, do it anyway.
In both of our organizations, there have been recent positive changes. Yet, there are moments and seasons where individuals have a hard time adjusting to the change. Even when things are moving in the right direction, people don’t always feel that way.
In the middle of our conversation, Kerry said something simple and so profound,
If our organization is healthy, it’s going to grow, and as a result, it’s going to change. The same is true of a child. We just celebrated our son’s fourth birthday. When we look back at pictures and videos, we can see just how much he’s grown and changed. He’s not a baby or a toddler anymore; he’s a little boy. Sometimes, my wife and I feel sad about this because we miss our baby boy! But he is healthy, so he is going to grow. And as long as he is growing, he will keep changing. Have you ever been back to a city after years of being away? You may have a similar experience. If the city is healthy, it is likely to have more people, new stores and restaurants, bigger buildings, and more things to do. You might feel a little uneasy at first. You might miss the town you used to know, but if you can embrace that it’s a healthy city, growing and thriving, you’ll find a way to appreciate it!
Here’s one last example:
Have you ever loved a restaurant and were surprised to find they had changed their menu? Maybe they simplified their selections to make sure every meal is high quality. They might have changed the names of their menu items to help customers make choices more easily. Whatever the reason, the choice was likely born from growth (or, at least, a desire to grow).
Ultimately, embracing change within your organization comes down to a shift in perspective. If we don’t have the right perspective, we won’t embrace growth, and if we don’t embrace it, we will never appreciate progress.
This week, evaluate the change you’re experiencing in your personal and professional life. Ask yourself if it’s a result of growth. If it is, embrace it! If the change isn’t progress, by all means, push back.
Well, technically it started last weekend. But the games that I care about start later this week, and I can’t wait!
A few weeks ago, we had our ADDO retreat in Athens, GA. We have a group of University of Georgia graduates on our team, but we also have quite a few who aren’t. So the last thing we wanted was for this to feel like a UGA fan’s retreat. However, there is one UGA legend I knew I wanted to speak to our team: former head football coach Mark Richt. His message was impactful and powerful, and he was one of the highlights of our retreat—even for those who have no affinity for the Georgia Bulldogs! You can see a highlight of our time with him in the video below.
Here are three insights I took away from Coach Richt’s message to our team:
This is less about his content and more about his approach. It is natural to put someone like Mark Richt on a pedestal. He is nationally known for his success and prominence on and off the football field, but the way he spoke to our team and told stories about his own life made him feel so approachable. He put himself on our level through self-deprecating humor.
Here’s an example: Coach Richt said that when he was growing up, his plan was to go to college to play football. He thought he would start his freshman year, win all American his sophomore year, win the Heisman trophy junior year, and then graduate early to go start in the NFL! But in reality, he was the back-up quarterback to “lucky” Jim Kelly in college, who was so “lucky” he beat Richt out for the starting position. He then went on to chronicle his time in the NFL playing back-up to “lucky” John Elway and “lucky” Dan Marino. He said he was probably the fourth best quarterback in all of America, but had the unlucky misfortune of playing behind the three best.
By not taking himself too seriously, he captured our team’s attention immediately and created a genuine connection with his audience. If you truly care about people, you should work to connect with them. When done correctly, and not manipulatively, self-deprecating humor can disarm others and level the playing field.
One question Coach Richt asked himself regularly throughout his life is, “What is going to be the right decision for eternity?” When he got hired at UGA, he asked then-Athletic Director Vince Dooley if you could win in the SEC without cheating. Dooley confirmed that you could; yet, Richt had a coach on his staff tell him that he didn’t agree. Coach Richt knew he wouldn’t change who he was or how he coached just to win a game. He cared more about the eternal implications of his actions and desired to honor God with his work. Ask yourself this week, Am I making decisions based on what's expedient for this week, month, or quarter, or am I making decisions in light of eternity?
This sounds like the last point, but it has a different twist. As we neared the end of our time with Coach Richt, I asked him to share how he has faced his battle with Parkinson’s disease, and I so appreciated his honesty. He admitted that it’s not easy, but quoted Paul in 2 Corinthians saying his suffering is “a light and momentary affliction compared to the weight of glory that awaits us.” He went on to say that when he considers the fullness of time, his struggle with Parkinson’s is such a small moment. Looking at his circumstances with an eternal perspective made it possible for Coach to consistently make decisions that honor God and the people around him.
I’m grateful for Coach Richt, for his investment in me and in our ADDO team. He is a great example of what it looks like to lead well in every season, and I’m honored to have had a chance to learn from him personally.
My challenge for you this week:
There are whole courses on time management. It would be tough to find someone who wouldn’t want more hours in the day, or at least more productivity in the hours we have. Time is our most valuable resource, it’s incalculable in nature (we don’t know when our time will end), and it’s the biggest source of regret for many individuals. We spend a lot of time focused on how to more effectively use time.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, argues, “Manage your energy, not your time.”
Adam Grant, professor at the Wharton School of Business and expert in organizational psychology, says, “If you're trying to be more productive, don't analyze how you spend your time. Pay attention to what consumes your attention.” Consider the following table and look at how the differences between time and energy impact the way we can interact with them:
Time is important, but when you get up every day, try to figure out where (and how) to spend your energy. When you find the right focus, you can amplify your energy and accomplish more in a shorter amount of time.
You’re probably wondering, what tactics can you take to manage your energy? I have three suggestions.
1. Perform an energy audit. Write down all the things you do during the day, and identify what gives energy, what drains energy, and what is neutral. All of us have to do things that drain our energy (We don’t live in fantasy land!). So an activity that drains your energy doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, but when you do it can make a big difference! More on that in point 3.
2. Think about your energy in four main areas. My professional coach Rob McKinnon encouraged me to consider my energy in four different areas of my life, following the acronym PIES:
3. Reorient your schedule accordingly. Try to look at your week, or even within each day, and identify the tasks that give you energy. Try to have a balance between the tasks that give you energy and the tasks that drain your energy, and work to not stack too many energy-draining activities in a row. For example, every Monday morning I have an entire company meeting. Though I love meeting with our whole team, meetings can drain my energy. With that in mind, I shouldn’t leave that meeting and go directly into another one (at least not if I can help it.) When possible, I need to schedule something immediately following that time to give me an energy boost.
Stop thinking only about time management and start to focus on maximizing your energy. You’ll be more satisfied with your daily work and accomplish much more than you thought possible!
Born and raised in Iran, he immigrated to the United States when he was 19 years old to study economics at the University of Oklahoma. Mr. Taher went on to earn an MBA, but part of his remarkable journey included a stint sleeping on a park bench and time working as a dishwasher to support himself. That dishwasher position in the back of a restaurant led him to pursue a career in hospitality, becoming the founder and CEO of this very successful company.
As an outsider looking in, I was challenged by the way Mr. Taher addressed the leaders on his large team, and he did something unique that caught my attention:
Now that might not sound that special, but he encouraged them to do what was right, even (and especially) when that decision was not the best thing for their bottom line. Here are two main takeaways from his address:
Specifically, he told them to hire more people than they need. As with any organization, they are trying to be operationally efficient and maximize profit. However, their founder realized that by running lean (having the exact number of people they need to operate), it puts the team in a bind when they lose a team member, and it adds a mountain of stress to the people who remain.
Mr. Taher challenged the leaders to hire 10 percent more staff than they need to create some margin when someone leaves, provide a better work experience, and foster a healthier culture in the long run.
Many of Taher’s customers are K-12 schools. In the day-to-day of the school world, oftentimes a leader in the school will approach some of the Taher team, asking for some Kool-Aid for a function or get-together at the school (in other words, his employees knew this challenge all too well).
Bruce Taher said, “when someone asks you for the Kool-Aid, your first concern should not be the budget category it would fall under. Just give them the Kool-Aid!” At this point in his talk, he grinned and looked over at his Chief Financial Officer, apologized, and added, “If you’ll do the right things, the budget will take care of itself.” In other words, make a decision that’s right for the business even if it seems counterintuitive. Your first thought should always be how to serve people well, and your second thought should be how to steward the money wisely.
Taher, Inc.’s 77-year-old founder used his role to give permission in a way that only he could. What are ways you can leverage your role to give permission? As the leader of a team, how can you give permission for someone to do what’s right for the customer even when it costs the company some money? As a parent, how can you give your children permission to try something new—and fail? As a spouse, how can you give your husband or wife the permission to stop waiting on the perfect job opportunity and to start the small business? As a teacher, how can you give your students permission to ask good questions in your classroom?
As a pastor, how can you give your congregation permission to be authentic and share their struggles with one another?
Each one of us has roles where we can use our position and our words to give permission. Consider how you might do that this week.
When I say mission, I’m emphasizing the fact that we need to know why we do what we do. A sense of purpose (read: mission) is crucial to the success of our organizations. But every once in a while, I encounter a cynic. They will usually wrap their comments in kindness, but the feedback follows a familiar formula. After I give my talk, someone will come up and say, “Can’t we just make this simple? We pay people. They should do the work. We all win. You provide work, the business provides a paycheck, and we don’t need any of this extra stuff.”
Here’s my response to the critics: In short, no, that’s not enough.
Some context: We’ve talked about this before in a previous blog, but today, I want to focus on the danger of elevating money above mission. In theory, it seems like money alone would be enough motivation to perform work with excellence. However, there’s a glaring problem: when the exchange between employer and employee is all about money, we turn our employees into mercenaries who’d quickly sell their services to the highest bidder.
Said another way, if it’s only about money, we would have no loyalty and quickly work for the business down the street if they offer an extra quarter an hour.
Think about this. If you signed up to serve in the US military, there is financial compensation. But, there are many jobs with higher pay and better benefits. If you are signing up to serve in the military, it’s because you have a desire to serve your country and fight for the people in it. And without a doubt, if an enemy military offered you more money to fight for them, you wouldn’t think about doing it. Why not? Ultimately, your work is about the mission.
Similarly, if someone feels called to serve on the mission field, it’s unlikely that a company offering them more money to do a different job would persuade them to stay. They are motivated by the mission, not by the money.
As leaders in the business world, or even education, we’ve got to connect people to our mission, not just the money. The word mercenary means a hand for hire who will always go to work for the highest bidder. If the only thing we’re doing to fight for talent is to offer them more money, we are playing a risky game that we will probably lose.
Some people will say focusing on mission (or purpose, or vision) is fluffy and superfluous. Let me be clear: If your talent strategy is only about money, you will struggle to retain talent.
Mission isn’t just a feel-good thing. It’s also not a manipulation tactic—it must be authentic. When done correctly, mission creates employee engagement and loyalty over the long haul.
Spend some time this week reminding folks in your organization why you do what you do.
But somehow I have “liked” something, or followed someone, along the way that has affected the algorithm and filled my feed with architecture posts. It’s random, but occasionally, I’ll stop and take a closer look at a thread that catches my attention. One recently was titled, “The Danger of Minimalist Design.”
The post contained a string of pictures comparing minimalist telephone booths, benches, and fences, to those with more color and detail. The point was clear. If all design elements adopt the minimalist movement, we’ll lose what makes structures unique and fun to look at!
Isn’t that true, even beyond architecture?
The things that stand out have identifiable features that make them special and different.
One of our core values of ADDO is: Wow. We say:
In other words, if we aren’t willing to challenge the status quo and approach problems from a new perspective, we don’t have a unique purpose, and we probably won’t make a lasting impact on the world around us.
But this is easier said than done. In modern culture, we’re constantly pressed to blend in, be more realistic, and for the sake of everyone’s feelings, to not rock the boat. We’re encouraged, more than anything else, to be “normal.”
Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, wrote a final letter to his shareholders in February of 2021. In it, he challenges them saying, “In what ways does the world pull at you in an attempt to make you normal? How much work does it take to maintain your distinctiveness? You have to pay a price for your distinctiveness… don’t expect it to be easy or free.” Entrepreneur and author Seth Godin similarly said, “If you’re remarkable, it’s likely some people won’t like you.”
Doing things differently comes at a cost. It’s difficult to be different. We have a goal at ADDO to equip 10 million counter-cultural change makers. You know what? We will never build leaders that are counter-cultural if we aren’t counter-cultural ourselves!
In what ways are you or your organization pressed to be normal, rather than uniquely better? The things worthwhile are often unique and different. If you’re looking for permission to be different, permission granted. To be sure, when you do something that stands out, the world will try to bring you back to the mean. You may be discouraged, or even discredited, when you do something differently. Keep being different anyway. Be uniquely better.
It launched from Cape Kennedy on July 16th, 1969, carrying three astronauts. My bet is that you’ve heard of two of them: Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong. Aldrin was Eagle pilot of the Lunar Module on the mission, and Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. He famously said,
But there was a third man on this mission: Michael Collins. Have you ever heard of him? I hadn’t. And I don’t know about you, but if I’m being honest, I would hate being Michael Collins. It’s kind of like being a member of NSYNC, but not being Justin Timberlake! No one has heard of Collins, but he was one of three astronauts on this important mission. His job was to pilot the Apollo 11 command module and fly around the moon while Aldrin and Armstrong walked on its surface. When prompted to comment on his role on the mission, he explained what an honor it was to have one of the three seats available on Apollo 11 and to help put the first man on the moon. Though he never stepped on the moon’s surface and didn’t gain the same level of fame as the other two men on his mission, he knew the importance of his role.
The person at the church who is making the snacks for VBS . . .The person in the business keeping the books . . .The person in the restaurant grilling the burgers . . .The person in the school mopping the floor . . .The person in the stadium picking up the trash in the stands . . .The person editing footage behind the scenes . . .The person making the phone calls to every client to make sure they feel cared for . . .MATTERS. They matter and their role matters. In each situation, what they are doing helps the whole organization move closer to its desired goal.
Your role matters too. When you understand that your role is essential to the success of your organization, you better understand that the things you’re doing day-in and day-out matter too.