Our elementary school character education program is built around 16 character principles. One of those essential character traits is loyalty, and I believe it’s undervalued in today’s world. Loyalty, like responsibility, perseverance, and honesty, is a fundamental and foundational component of character, so it should come as no surprise that we endeavor to teach it to our children.

Unfortunately, as an adult, I don’t hear much about loyalty, and when I do, it’s often used in a negative sense. “Oh, he’s just blindly loyal.” “She’s loyal to a fault.” “He is too loyal to the such-and-such administration.”

We must understand that true loyalty isn’t about blind trust. Loyalty is not standing by the person committing a fraudulent crime. It’s not yoking yourself to something bad. Loyalty being faithful and devoted to someone or something. Wouldn’t we all like more of that?

If you’re a business, you need loyal employees and customers.

Nonprofits need loyal volunteers and loyal donors.

Churches need loyal members, committed to loving one another.

And we all need loyal friends willing to stick with us, especially when times are tough.

It’s true that loyalty is easy when things are good, but it’s when loyalty costs us something that it’s most valuable.

When I’m an employee, it’s easy to be loyal to my company when I have no other options. As a customer, it’s easy to be loyal when I have never had a problem. As a church member, it’s easy to be loyal when I have never been offended. As a friend, it’s easy to be loyal when no one has disappointed me. But when the rubber meets the road, true loyalty stands out.

Loyalty is important. So how do we cultivate it? How do we earn the loyalty of others?

In the TV show Designated Survivor, there’s a time when everything is crumbling around the president. There’s a specific scene where the people closest to him stand by him even though it would be personally more advantageous for them to abandon him. When the president asks his Vice President why she remained supportive during this dark time, her response was simple and compelling: “Your staffs’ loyalty to you through everything. Loyalty is a consequence of leadership.”

"Loyalty is a consequence of leadership." - Designated Survivor

I love that. A consequence is a result or a payment. Therefore, loyalty is the result of something you earn when you lead well. If you are a good leader, a strong leader, a servant leader, you earn the loyalty of those around you.

The easiest way to cultivate loyalty in the tough times is to lead well. This week, intentionally find ways you can better care for the people you’re leading. Ask them good questions. Care for their needs. Let them see you make decisions based off of your good character, not convenience.

If you do that, when the hard times come, you might learn that you’ve earned their loyalty as a consequence of that leadership.

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One of the greatest challenges entrepreneurs face is the need to be fully committed to a project, idea, cycle, platform, or product while also being willing and able to adapt.

Most of us find ourselves falling into one of two camps: fully committed or easily adaptable. There are benefits to each, but there are risks if we can’t balance both.

1. Fully Committed

This fully committed person will see the project through until the end no matter what. They have an idea or concept that they believe in and will push through obstacles, distractions, criticisms, and even failure to bring it to life. These people are consistent. This drive is admirable and positive. In fact, entrepreneurs cannot succeed unless they fully execute their projects. But the risk is that this person can sometimes be too rigid and too locked into their way of doing things. Even when the facts and data say that it’s time to change, this person struggles to adapt or to take a different course.

2. Easily Adaptable

Many entrepreneurs, especially the ones who always have new ideas, are willing and ready to adapt, to shake things up, and to change in order to make the new product a success. They can stay agile, shift the messaging, and even change the offering to make it appeal to the customer. They are the first to implement a new system and also the first to vote to scrap that system in favor of something new.

While this tendency scares and intimidates a lot of people, this is the boat I find myself in; this comes naturally to me. The risk for someone like me is that we might abandon too quickly. We are ready to move on before we've given a new project a full shot. And because our eye is always on adapting, we don't always give the execution a true chance.

Any successful product, project, or company is the result of executing with excellence while remaining agile enough to change when it’s necessary.

When looking for inspiration, we can find other people and organizations that do this well. Chick-fil-A is a prime example.

Chick-fil-A initially built their business on operating restaurants in mall food courts. However, they didn’t just stay in malls. Even when malls were thriving and business was going well, Chick-fil-A began to explore a new strategy of operating free-standing stores. They remained committed to the mall strategy but explored a new one. Now, they have the best free-standing fast-food restaurants in the industry, which worked out well since most malls are struggling. However, Chick-fil-A is still willing to adapt, troubleshooting ways to deliver food, testing take-home meal kits, and exploring a world of mobile technology and convenience. They are staying committed to excellence in their free-standing stores while finding new ways to serve their customers.

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If we are going to find a way to be fully committed and willing to adapt, there are two things we must do:

1. Understand your bias. Know if you are more willing to commit or more willing to adapt. Until you’ve acknowledged your preference, you won’t be able to adequately work on your weakness.

2. Surround yourself with people who complement you. If you are hyper-committed, do you have people close to you that adapt easily? If you are hyper-adaptable, do you have people close to you who are committed to seeing projects through to the end?

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Each of us need individuals or systems that help us balance both.

By the way, this truth doesn’t just apply to entrepreneurs. It applies to many areas of life.

Do you have your baby on a schedule? Maybe you are so adaptable that it’s difficult for your child to fall into any sort of routine. Or maybe you are so rigid with the schedule that your child doesn’t easily adapt to new environments.

Have you ever tried a new diet plan? Maybe you were so committed that you stuck to the same plan for months even though you experienced no change. Or maybe you adapt so quickly that you gave up after three days when you didn’t see an immediate result.

How do you respond to relationships? Maybe your appetite for change has you getting bored and moving on too quickly before you’ve really given it a chance to work. On the other hand, maybe you remain committed to hurtful relationships for far too long.

We’ve got to be willing to change, and we need to stick to our commitments. Understand your bias, and surround yourself with people who push you to see a different perspective.

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I’m writing this as a message to me. But as I’m talking to myself, I hope you’ll read along—it just might be something you need to hear too.

I'm overdue for a reminder to take the long view in life.

Zig Ziglar said, “The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want right now.”

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. It communicates a fundamental truth that I fully embrace, and it’s the concept that inspired my first book. I often hesitate to share this principle in my writing or speaking because it feels so painfully obvious. Of course everyone knows you should focus on making choices that will benefit you long-term. However, even though I know this to be true, I often find myself wanting to choose what’s easier, to do the thing that will make me happy right now instead of the thing that will satisfy me later.

It’s tempting to settle for the short term.

The idea is going to take too much work.

The weight loss isn't happening as quickly as I want.

The relationship is requiring a lot more work than I expected; is it worth it?

I want to be fully engaged as a dad, but I don't want to entertain my child who can't even talk to me; surely he won't notice if I escape to my phone for a little while.

I know I need to save for the future, but retirement seems like too far away.

This whole starting a business thing is too much work; wouldn't I rather go work somewhere that I can leave the problems when I go home?

Investing in my coworkers on top of getting my work done is exhausting; maybe I should give up trying to do both?

Actively serving the church is too tough at this stage of life; I’ll just enjoy the Sunday morning service and not invest too much energy.

The thoughts creep in. The frustration mounts. The future feels like too far away. And it seems a lot easier to sacrifice that future to enjoy this moment.

It's tempting. But it's not worth it.

I have to remind myself that I don't want to get down the road and have my story filled with "should have,” “could have,” or "wish I would have.”

The goal is worth it. Keep your eye on the prize and make the commitment to exchange the immediate for the ultimate.

Keep your eye on the prize and make the commitment to exchange the immediate for the ultimate.

It’s not enough to know this truth. We must believe it, stay focused, and consistently commit to make this a reality in our lives.

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Almost 10 years ago, in the spring of 2009, I was working with an organization taking college students on leadership and service programs abroad. Recently, I wrote a blog post about a message I gave at the end of one of these trips. Thinking back to those trips reminded me of one of the most impactful experiences from that season of my life.

On this specific trip, we took a group of students to South Africa and brought in speakers to teach—Vince Dooley, legendary UGA football coach and member of the College Football Hall of Fame, and his wife Barbara. All of the students were especially excited to hear Coach Dooley speak because of his reputation—rightly so, he delivered a powerful message about teamwork! When his wife Barbara spoke, she engaged us in a very personal way. Her message applied to both leadership and to everyday life. With an uncanny humor that is unique to Barbara, she recounted her battle with breast cancer, explaining the ten best things about this disease (you read that correctly, her talk was about the best things about cancer).

Barbara is married to an incredibly successful man, she’s the mother of four children, her family is like royalty in the Georgia Bulldog community, she’s maintained her own successful career in real estate, and she’s lived a life that many would love to have. This is why it was so impactful to hear her work through her list and say that cancer taught her this important lesson: if money can fix it, it’s not a real problem.

"If money can fix it, it’s not a real problem." - Barbara Dooley

I realize that some of you may read that statement and feel discouraged. Maybe you’ve lost your job or don’t know how you're going to pay your bills this month. I certainly don’t want to minimize the stress you’re feeling, but I do want us all to seek a proper perspective of the problems we face. How many times during the week do we hit the panic button?

We run around like the sky is falling because the meeting didn’t go our way, we didn’t land the big client, we didn’t meet our quarter one goal, or we couldn’t complete the project on time. Barbara explained that before her diagnosis, so many of the things she viewed as problems were of a physical or material nature—they were things that could be resolved with money or things that wouldn’t matter down the road. But when she got the cancer diagnosis, or when your family member is battling severe mental illness, or when your relationship with your spouse feels irreparable, or when you experience another issue that no amount of money, connections, or influence can solve, that’s when you have a real problem.

My hope is that this blog serves as a reminder to all of us to take a deep breath and realize that the things we’re facing that seem insurmountable or all-consuming may actually be very small if viewed through the proper lens. It’s not that our problems don’t matter, but when we put them next to something bigger, they become less of a burden.

I also want to offer encouragement to those of you who are facing a real problem. Just like Barbara, you have a different perspective than most of the people around you, and your outlook on life allows you to see things for what they are. You’re able to keep the big things big and the small things small, embracing what’s most important.

Whether you’re walking through a real problem or putting out the fires of daily life, I hope you’ll endeavor to see each issue for what it is and come alongside the people God has placed in your life, caring for them and encouraging them to do the same.

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A few weeks ago, I went with an ADDO team member to one of our Chick-fil-A Leader Labs (a part of Chick-fil-A Leader Academy), and this meeting was the students’ last one of the school year. They spent their time sharing highlights from the program, and most of them told stories about specific activities that made them think about the kind of legacy they want to leave when they are gone.

In the program, we ask students to write a statement about what they would like to do while they are alive and challenge them to set goals to get there. We also have them participate in the Dash Project. When you die, there will be two dates on your gravestone—the day you were born and the day you die. And in between those dates, there’s a dash. Your life isn’t measured by these dates; it’s measured by your dash. That’s your time.

Here’s the truth: The things that we are talking to these students about might seem idealistic and fluffy, especially to those of us who are in the daily grind of our adult lives. It feels easy for a high schooler to dream about the future. But try being a thirty-something man, married with three kids. What does he want to do with his life? Pay the bills this month, keep his kids alive, and try to get six hours of sleep at night.

The day after listening to these students reflect on what they want to be said about them after they die, I officiated my first funeral for my great-uncle. One of the things you have to do before speaking at a funeral is reach out to the family who knows the person best. I spoke to his kids, his grandkids, and his great-grandkids, and as I listened to stories and comments made about my great-uncle, it made me come face to face with my own mortality.

If I were gone, what would people say about me?

You know those “fluffy” or “idealistic” questions we are asking those high schoolers? Those questions matter. The answers matter even more.

If we’re not careful, we’ll spend our lives just getting by and miss our opportunity to make a profound impact on the people around us.

This week, I am challenging you to think about how the people closest to you would sum up your life. If you died today, what would they say about you?

Take some time to write down what you think they’d say. If those words aren’t what you want them to be, decide right now how you would change them and go live your life intentionally to make that possible.

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Have you ever said something and immediately regretted it?

The scenario goes something like this. I’m talking with a friend, and our conversation turns to some verbal sparring. We’re poking fun at one another, our comments layered thick with sarcasm. It feels fun and harmless. But then it happens. I say something I really wish I didn’t. It was just a little too biting, and I took it one step too far. It feels like I’m watching the words physically leave my mouth, and all I want to do is grab them in the air and take them back before they reach my friend’s ears.

The comment contains a little too much truth. It hits a nerve. I can see it on my friend’s face. And I’m caught in an awkward situation. Do I laugh it off and pretend it didn’t happen? Do I apologize and draw even more attention to it? Or do I turn around and try to say something self-deprecating to change the subject and try to make myself feel better?

Although I’m a professional speaker, I can be a very poor communicator to the people I care about most. And I know I’m not the only one. There is a reason there are so many Proverbs about the importance of our words.

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” - Proverbs 10:18

“Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” - Proverbs 17:28

And the one that immediately comes to mind for me is Proverbs 18:21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Actions speak louder than words, but our words are powerful nonetheless.

They have the power to build up, to affirm, and to encourage. But they also have the power to tear down, to belittle, and to manipulate.

My charge to us today is simple: watch your words—especially if you’re like me and your words often flow freely.

Most of us could benefit from speaking less and listening more. It’s always helpful to choose your words more carefully and consider how they will affect the person in front of you.

Watching your words is a way to care for the people around you at home, at work, at church, and in your community. Choose your words wisely this week and use them to make a positive impact.

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Two weeks ago, at 9:45 p.m. on a Tuesday night, my phone rang.

I answered it and got the news that Miss Annie had passed away.

When I was five years old, I was in a Sunday School class taught by two women named Annie Ledford and Pearl Hutson. Of course at the time, I didn’t know their last names. They were Miss Annie and Miss Pearl to me. In my five-year-old mind, they felt at least 100 years old way back then. I had a number of incredible teachers, both in school and church, throughout my childhood. And these two ladies really stand out in my memory.

Part of the reason might be that they taught a class of boys and girls. But really of the eight kids in the class, seven were boys, and at least six of us had undiagnosed ADD. These teachers gave their time and energy (and probably some sanity) to teach our challenging class and invest in each of us week after week. They marked my life, so much so that 30 years later, I still remember them. A couple years ago, Miss Pearl passed away, and I found a Bible that both she and Miss Annie had given me. I still have it today, and it reminds me of the enormous impact they had on my life.

Miss Annie and Miss Pearl shaped my life, and now, it’s my turn to shape the lives of others. Over the next few months, the team I lead at ADDO will launch programs in over a thousand schools that will touch the lives of students across the country. I will stand before more than a dozen businesses and speak to leaders who represent tens of thousands of employees. And I will come home every night to the joy of investing in my family—my wife Laura and our son George.

It’s an honor to get to be a part of things that have the potential to touch so many lives. However, I can’t help but think that because of Miss Annie and Miss Pearl’s investment in my life 30 years ago, they get to be a part of this impact too. Their time on earth has ended, but the seeds they sowed and watered have not been fully harvested yet. What they did during their time is still reaping a harvest that is outliving them.

It makes me ask this question: What am I doing today that will outlive my life?

It probably is not the text messages I’m responding to, the bills that I’m paying, or the things that I spend the most time agonizing over. I have to do those things, but they aren’t the most important part of what I will do.

At the beginning of the movie Gladiator, Maximus leads his men into battle with this charge: “What we do in life echoes in eternity.”

It’s not that your business doesn’t matter, but time with your kids matters more.

It’s not that your bottom line doesn’t matter, but investing in the lives of your team matters more.

It’s not that exercising your body doesn’t matter, but feeding your soul matters more.

It’s not that your to-do list isn’t filled with important tasks, but making the time to sit with a friend really does matter more.

Things that Miss Annie and Miss Pearl did 30 years ago echo now in eternity, and in the same way, we are doing things today that will echo in eternity.

Will our actions today make the kind of impact that will outlive us? I sure hope so.

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Four years ago, I published a book called The Lepers' Lessons with my good friend, mentor, and hero Paulus Wiranto.

I’ve written three books, and to be completely honest with you, this is the book that’s sold the fewest copies. I think there are several reasons for this. Primarily, this is not a business book. Unlike 8 Essential Exchanges and The Lens of Leadership, it doesn’t have the kind of content that readily applies to consulting and coaching business leaders. It’s much easier for me to stand on stage and pick two exchanges or three shifts in perspective when speaking to a group. However, diving into an Old Testament narrative isn’t quite as easy when speaking at a conference of executives or other business leaders.

Nevertheless, The Lepers' Lessons contains important truths and helps individuals answer these five questions:

1. Why am I still alive?
2. Why do I do what I do?
3. Why do I have what I have?
4. Who is going with me?
5. What am I carrying on the journey?

These questions matter. And in this season of spring cleaning—the final question is especially important: What am I carrying on the journey?

In this season, we are challenged to get rid of clothes we don’t wear and clutter we don’t need—or as Marie Kondo would say, anything that doesn’t “spark joy”. In addition to those physical belongings, I want you to think about the other things you really need to let go. What do you have in your life today that you shouldn’t be carrying with you?

Maybe it’s bitterness toward that person that hurt you years ago.

Or the insecurity about a part of your story.

It might be the offense, the loss, or the disappointment.

Maybe it’s a relationship that sucking the life out of you.

Maybe it’s believing a lie about yourself or the One who made you.

Today, it’s time to stop carrying that baggage on your journey.

Let go of the hurt, the habit, the discouragement, the feeling you’re carrying from the failure.

I hope you have the courage today move past your past, to take the next step, and to walk into this new season with a fresh perspective.

If you’ve been encouraged by today’s blog, I think you’d love the rest of The Lepers' Lessons. You can purchase it below or pass it along it your friends.

Buy The Lepers' Lessons

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Let me start by saying this: I think educators, particularly those in public education, are true heroes and have one of the toughest jobs in the world. Our organization, ADDO, currently has programs in more than 1,000 schools in over 40 states across America.

With that being said, I’d like to address an area of education I think we’ve gotten terribly wrong.

A number of years ago, there was a movement dedicated to preparing students for the 21st century job market. Many people felt that education was still operating out of an industrial age, and in turn, curriculum wasn’t giving this generation of students the skills they need to succeed in the modern workplace.

I agree that they identified the right problem, but their proposed solution was wrong. Over the last decade, we’ve seen an overemphasis on STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) with the hope that developing these hard skills would produce the next great technological generation. STEM is not a bad thing, but we have put so much focus on STEM that we’ve neglected many other skills that students need to succeed.

We have put so much focus on STEM that we’ve neglected many other skills that students need to succeed.

A few years ago, the experts decided that the arts are important to developing the whole child (rightfully so) and added “A” for arts to make it STEAM. I believe the arts are very important, but simply adding one additional element into a fatally flawed system shouldn’t make us feel better. Once they agree that physical activity is important, they’ll probably just add an “R” for recess, and we can call it STREAM. Sometimes the experts aren’t that smart.

We are still left with the same problem and a short-sighted solution. If the goal is to equip this generation to succeed at work and in life, these students need more from us.

The Case for Soft Skills

For example, Google did a 15-year study on their highest performing employees. (For those of you who have never used the internet before, Google is a technology company—one of those letters in the STEM acronym.) The results were remarkable. The seven top skills that made them successful were all soft skills like being a good coach, communicating and listening well, possessing insights into others, having empathy, being supportive, and making connections across complex ideas. Before you ever got to any STEM skills, these others were all more valuable to their success.

I don’t even like using the term “soft skills” because these skills aren’t lesser; they are life skills that every single one of us, especially this next generation, desperately need.

I see this as an employer. I want people on my team to be effective communicators, to work collaboratively, and to be problem-solvers.

I see this as a customer. Not only do I want accuracy in business dealings, but I also want to be treated with care.

I see it in our work in education. As we seek to develop leaders from cradle-to-career, there is a desperate need for soft skills. While we are making strides in high school and beyond, it needs to start earlier.

That’s why I’m passionate about a program we created called The Voyage. You can call it leadership development, social/emotional learning, or soft skills, but at its core, we are providing elementary schools an easy-to-implement initiative that gives students tools and resources for life. We are equipping teachers with a program that instills character and helps students cope with anxiety, stress, and the challenges unique to their generation.

When schools implement The Voyage, they are seeing discipline referrals decrease, while engagement and academic performance increases.

STEM is not enough.

I would love your help. If you know a teacher, a counselor, or a principal at an elementary school, would you help us spread the word about this program? If you’re a parent, an active community member, or if you are just passionate about the next generation, I would love for you to share this website and these resources.

I believe The Voyage is a program that our world needs. Would you help us impact the world by telling others about The Voyage?

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