The phone glares at you from the kitchen table. You know you need to pick it up, dial the number, and have the conversation you’ve been avoiding for weeks, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. Each day you put it off, the conflict deepens, and your anxiety grows. You know the conversation is inevitable, but it’s becoming tougher by the day. This conflict that now looms so large might not have been nearly as daunting if you had nipped it in the bud at the start.

I’ve heard the phrase “nip it in the bud” a lot, but I just discovered the origin of this idiom. It refers to a flower. If you nip the bud of a flower, it won’t grow, so it makes sense that we say this in reference to a conflict or problem. We want to address it from the start, so it won’t get bigger.

Former president of Chick-fil-A Jimmy Collins was known for saying, “Bad news doesn't get better with time.” He encouraged people who needed to address something painful or unpopular to just do it, nip it in the bud, and move on.

"Bad news doesn't get better with time" - Jimmy Collins

I wish I could say I’m a master at this concept, that I address issues head-on, and that I don’t avoid what needs to be said. But honestly, this is one of my greatest weaknesses as a leader. I avoid conflict — specifically with people I care about — far too often. If I have bad news to share, my tendency is to delay delivering it as long as possible. If I’ve committed to something and need to back out, sometimes I avoid canceling my commitment until the very last minute (often making it worse and making me seem more rude) because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. If a coworker doesn’t perform well, I might wait to have a discussion with them, but when I initiate this conversation weeks later, it seems like I’ve been festering on it for such a long time.

Now that I’m completely exposed, I want you to consider your own approach to conflict. Maybe conflict is easy for you. If that’s the case, keep leaning in. However, if you’re like me and tend to avoid challenge or distance yourself from conflict, this blog is a reminder for you that bad news doesn’t get better with time. In fact, it often gets worse. It’s certainly important to be honest, but expressing the truth promptly is a quality of a good leader. We must learn to nip things in the bud before they grow out of control.

So, what have you been avoiding? Is there a conversation you need to have? Stop right now. Exit out of this window. Send the email. Pick up the phone. Set up the meeting. Do what you need to do to address it.

When it’s over, I’m willing to bet you’ll feel relieved, maybe even encouraged, because it’s usually not nearly as bad as we think it will be — especially when we address the issue as quickly as possible and nip it in the bud.

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At the end of last year, we had a graphic design intern at ADDO. He’s an incredible student who took initiative and helped us dramatically improve the visual representation of our company’s brand. He rolled out a new visual identity standard for ADDO and presented it to our whole team. At the beginning of his presentation, he quoted Pablo Picasso, saying “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.”

For someone like me who doesn’t feel cultured in the arts, quoting Picasso might not usually grab my attention, but I love this quote. It cuts to the core of what I believe about life. If we understand the rules, veering from them can be a strategic decision to move toward something unique. I’m not just talking about a mistake that ends up turning out OK; I’m proposing an intentional deviation.

This quote reminded me that the people moving the world forward are not always the rule-followers, but they aren’t necessarily the consistent rule-breakers—they are the ones who know when to color inside the lines and when to break free. It’s important to know the rules, and it’s also important to know when to break them.

It’s important to know the rules, and it’s also important to know when to break them.

I recently read an interesting article about straight-A students. The premise is that students with perfect GPAs are more likely to fall into a system rather than take a risk on a creative opportunity. That’s why many of the world’s most influential individuals didn’t graduate with outstanding grades. In this article, psychologist Dr. Adam Grant gives some significant examples: “This might explain why Steve Jobs finished high school with a 2.65 G.P.A., J.K. Rowling graduated from the University of Exeter with roughly a C average, and the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. got only one A in his four years at Morehouse” (The New York Times).

Following the rules is not wrong, but if you’re locked into a system, you won’t push things forward. Your perfection won’t allow you to move from good to great.

If you’re like me and lean toward breaking the rules, make sure to channel this energy appropriately. It’s important to remember your boundaries. Listen to the rule-followers, but make intentional, measured decisions when it’s time to buck the system. If you’re a rule-follower, I want to challenge you to occasionally break free of the system. For you, this might mean helping the rule-breaker break the right rules at the right time and earning the opportunity to be a part of something truly extraordinary.

The rules are there for a reason. But you are here for a reason too. Make decisions that show you value both.

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At the end of last year, my wife and I took my adopted grandparents, Andy and Carolyn (I say “adopted” because they aren’t technically my grandparents, but they’ve played this important role in my life), to a Vince Gill concert at the Fox Theatre. Most of you might be thinking we chose Vince Gill for Andy and Carolyn, but I’m an old soul. Out of all of us, I was the most excited to hear Vince Gill play.

This show was the exact opposite of what most of us consider a typical concert experience. No one was on their feet dancing, cheering, or loudly singing along. There was no fog machine or moving colored lights. It was just one artist and his band playing song after song, telling stories and jokes in between. We remained seated almost the entire time and enjoyed every minute in our comfortable, padded seats.

For those of you who don’t listen to much country music, Vince Gill is not the most popular artist these days, but he remains well known for his talent and skill as a guitar player and for his striking tenor singing voice. So his humility this night was amazing to witness. We could tell that he was thrilled and genuinely surprised that so many people showed up and sold out this venue to hear him sing. Sporadically, he would say things like, “Man, I can’t believe you guys are here. I love this. This means so much to me.” It was so endearing to all of us in the audience.

During one of these moments, he struck us with this statement: “I love music. I’ve always loved music, but the only reason to play music is to play with someone or for someone.” This musician was telling us that his talent is most enjoyable if he’s sharing it with someone or using it for someone else. After the concert, I thought more about his statement and realized that it was so compelling because you could replace the word “music” with anything worth doing.

Life is most meaningful when you’re sharing it with other people.

Consider your daily tasks at home, at work, and in your community. The things you spend your time doing are only as important as the people you do them with or the people you do them for.

We’re often consumed by the growing list of things we need to get done every day, but today, I simply want you to think differently about what you’re currently doing.

Instead of getting stressed about the details of your next big project at work, think about the positive impact it could have on someone else or about the relationships you’re building with your coworkers.

As you’re folding the seemingly never-ending pile of laundry in your living room, think about how helpful it is for your family to have clean clothes or about the conversation you’re able to have with your child as they help you out.

When you volunteer to pick up trash in your community, think about the people who will reap the benefits of your hard work and about the friendships that could come from working alongside someone new.

Ultimately, if you are a Christian, every daily task contains a higher calling—“whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31, ESV). It’s humbling and motivating to think about how all of your tasks are to be done for the Lord.

This week, don’t just think about what you’re doing. Focus on who you’re doing it with or who you’re doing it for. The who will always bring more meaning to the what. That perspective will change the way you walk through each and every day.

The who will always bring more meaning to the what.

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We’ve all felt that sucker-punch of regret when we feel like we’ve just paid too much for something. We’ve also experienced the pride and excitement of getting what we think is a great deal. But how do we really know if something is a good value or not? How do we determine the value of a certain product, experience, or service?

Recently, I encountered this equation, and it’s helped me grasp what value actually means.

We perceive value by dividing what we’ve gotten by what we’ve paid. (Important note—the way we decide what we get is far more a function of perceived value than actual worth).

For this exercise, put yourself in the shoes of the business who is doing the selling. The temptation (and more frequent strategy) is to increase the value number by making the “what you pay” number smaller. You discount the product, so the customers are getting the same thing for less money. And to the credit of many in business, this is one way to increase value. This is the route most fast food restaurants take. Think about the McDonald’s Dollar Menu or Taco Bell’s $5 Cravings Box. You’re getting more for less money, so the value of the food increases in your mind.

But what if there is another approach to increasing value?

‍Chick-fil-A has become one of the largest and most profitable fast food chains. Do you ever remember getting a discount at Chick-fil-A? Now, you’ve probably received a coupon for a free sandwich or other menu item, but you will never see the actual price of an item discounted. There will be no “Dollar Menu” at Chick-fil-A. They believe as soon as you start reducing price to increase value that you begin to jeopardize your relationship with the customer. Why? Because the next time the customer has to pay full price, they feel like they’ve gotten ripped off—now the value has decreased. No one believes a business is losing money when they charge less (even though they may be), so when the business charges more, people feel cheated.

I laugh at the Jos. A. Bank sale around the holidays. It seems crazy. Buy one suit; get 17 free. Take 97% off today only! (OK, it’s not that extreme, but you know what I’m talking about!) It’s not a knock to Jos. A. Bank, but why in the world would you ever go there and pay full price for anything? By reducing what we pay, they’ve created a short-term increase in value, but now, they’ve allowed their customers to devalue the clothing they sell.

At ADDO, one of the most important things we talk about is the value we offer our customers. When a person balks at the cost of one of our products, I don't want our first reaction to be to lower the price.

I want us to do two things:

1. Work harder to show them what they are getting. A lot times, if we’re able to communicate what we’re offering effectively, they will see that they are getting a good value.

2. If we do need to make a change in order to get a client, we want to focus on increasing what we are giving instead of decreasing the amount they pay.

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Here’s my challenge to all of us who offer a product, experience, or service to people:

Stop thinking about how to decrease what people are paying, and start thinking about how to increase what people are getting.

Add to the offering. Increase your service. Help make your customers’ lives better. Do whatever you can to increase what people are getting instead of decreasing what people are paying. You’ll gain fans and faithful customers, and you’ll dramatically improve your products for the good of the people you serve.

Almost 10 years ago, in the spring of 2009, I was working with an organization that took college students on leadership and service programs abroad. As I prepared the final message for our inaugural group in South Africa, I discovered and shared the following story. Ten years later, the message still resonates, and it’s one we all need to hear.

In 1985, Vance Havner wrote a book titled Playing Marbles with Diamonds. The title of the book emanates from a story that he heard about a traveler who had gone to a poor African village and witnessed an incredible sight. There was a large group of children who were gathered in a circle on the dusty ground playing a game of marbles. As the traveler moved closer, he saw something that absolutely astounded him. These children who had no material possessions were not actually playing the game with glass marbles—they were playing it with diamonds. Can you imagine the world’s most precious gem—diamonds—being used in what is possibly the most common game that a child can play—marbles? These kids were kicking up dust, flicking diamonds into the air, trying to knock other diamonds out of a dusty circle. They, and obviously their parents, had no idea what they held in their hands.

What if these young children realized what they had in their possession? What if they understood that those tiny gems could change their lives? What if their communities knew the potential riches they held? It seems crazy; doesn’t it? These children played with diamonds like they were glass. They treated something extraordinary as if it was ordinary. But the truth is that you and I do the same thing every single day. Think about the experiences you’ve had, the opportunities you’ve been blessed with, and the potential you hold in your hands. It’s true that our diamonds may be different, but we each have extraordinary gifts, talents, experiences, and opportunities that we so casually treat as common, mundane, or ordinary. This is as crazy as playing marbles with diamonds.

If we would look through the right lens to see the power we possess in our experiences, opportunities, and gifts, how might that perspective change our lives, and even the lives of those around us?

‍You play marbles with diamonds when your greed exceeds your gratitude.

When you focus more on what you don’t yet have, you’ll waste what you do have. In doing so, you squander opportunities and miss out on so much joy.

‍You play marbles with diamonds when you fail to turn your aspirations into achievements. If you have goals but fail to focus and work intentionally to achieve them, you might as well not even set them.

‍You are playing marbles with diamonds when you allow your memories to be bigger than your dreams. You can’t pursue a bright future if you’re heart is stuck in the past.

The truth is, most of you aren’t in danger of ruining your lives, you’re in danger of wasting them.

Don’t play marbles with diamonds. Take your experiences, opportunities, and gifts and use these precious gems to change your life and impact the lives of those around you.

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Today is New Year’s Day, a day where many are considering their New Year’s resolutions. But this blog is not about New Year’s resolutions. I won’t be providing advice on how to set resolutions, what they should be, how to keep up with them, or even ways to set them more effectively. I’d like to challenge you to take a step back, and instead of thinking about the additional things you need to do this year, ask yourself: Am I doing the right things?

In Greg McKeown’s Essentialism, he relays the history of the word “priority” and explains that it originally only existed in the singular form for a reason. Only in the 1900s was the word pluralized to “priorities” to fit our evolving lifestyles. McKeown encourages his readers to focus, and I want to encourage us to do the same this year.

“Purpose tells us when to say yes. Priority reveals when to say no” (The Lens of Leadership).

Heading into 2019, it will be tempting to add a lot of things to your already long list—to try to do more, to be more, and to succeed more. But have you stepped back and audited your current activities? You may be doing a lot of good things, but are you doing the right things? Consider this question: What might you need to stop doing, so you can start doing, or more effectively do, what’s most important?

Peter Drucker used to say, “Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right thing.” I don’t want us to merely manage our lives in 2019. I want us to lead and lead well. Don’t just look at everything on your plate and figure out how to do it better. Instead, examine that plate with fresh eyes to see if you’ve got the right things on it.

I don’t want us to merely manage our lives in 2019. I want us to lead and lead well.

Here’s to entering 2019 with a relentless resolve to doing the right things!

For me, 2018 has been a year about perspective. I wrote The Lens of Leadership, gained a new perspective of my company and my role in it, and became a father.

As a dad, this Christmas morning is a new experience for me. I get to see it through the eyes of my son. Although he’s not old enough to understand the meaning of Christmas, he still enjoys the lights on the tree, the bright colors of the wrapped presents, and the excitement of his cousins.

Even as an adult, everything looks different at Christmas.

The houses in neighborhoods are covered with decorations and lights. The person behind you in the department store checkout line is a little nicer.

The hope-filled music makes you think about the goodness in the world.

But not everything looks easier during this season.

Oftentimes the bank account balance looks lower than we’d like.

The person smiling and ringing the bell outside the grocery store reminds you that there are people less fortunate than you. The family gathered around the table reminds you of the people you’re thankful for, but it also is a sobering reminder of the people you love that aren’t there.

Christmas creates a constant challenge for our perspectives. We’re surrounded with reminders of the good, the joy, the hope, but we’re also bombarded with the challenge, the hurt, and the need. On this Christmas, let’s fix our focus back to the true meaning of the season, to the baby born in Bethlehem. What a sight when we shift our perspective to the wondrous mystery of Jesus Christ. The God of all creation came to earth, and he came as a baby. He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords, but he came as a baby. And he came for you and for me. And the most important perspective for us this Christmas is for each of us to remember that it doesn’t matter who you are, what you’ve done, or how you feel today. Are you discouraged? Do you feel hopeless?

I’ve got good news.

The baby born in a manger in Bethlehem, the Christ of the Christmas story, came for you.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”- Isaiah 9:6

Earlier this year, I was speaking at a conference with a group of leaders who have years of experience in their respective fields. An older gentleman was the opening speaker, and he aptly began with this statement: “As you get older, you have to beware of the dangers of cynicism and sentimentality.”

Beware the dangers of cynicism and sentimentality.

Although I felt young among these leaders, his statement struck me personally, and I understood what he meant. On the surface, cynicism and sentimentality seem totally different. Cynicism is negative—it sees the worst in things and is inherently critical. Sentimentality feels more positive—it’s nostalgic, looking back with fondness at a time that was seemingly easier, better, or more fun. This speaker was exactly right. As we age, we all face the temptation to be cynical and/or sentimental. Depending on our personalities and personal histories, we may tend toward one more than the other, but they both are potentially problematic.

Cynicism springs from experience, and as we grow older, we see and experience more things that disappoint us. We quit taking people at their word. We stop believing things will improve. We have a broader and deeper distrust of politicians and their empty promises. Don’t misunderstand me; a healthy amount of skepticism can be helpful, but when it moves to cynicism, we become cold and callous. We begin to expect the worst, so that’s usually what happens to us. Former UCLA basketball coach John R. Wooden said, “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” This is bad news for the cynic.

The opposite side of this same coin is sentimentality. This looks like the individual going through the family photo album, reminiscing about the “good old days”. It’s reading a book about the 1950s and feeling like you were born in the wrong era. We look back with fondness and remember experiences in a positive light. Sometimes, our perspective is accurate, and sometimes, it’s exaggerated, but either way, sentimentality is a longing for a previous time. It’s not necessarily bad, but it can prevent us from living for the future. Although it’s different from cynicism, it’s just as dangerous because you begin to believe that what is behind is better than what’s ahead. There’s actually a biblical charge for Christians to pursue the opposite: “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal...” (Philippians 3:13–14, ESV).

This holiday season, we will be tempted to either be cynical or sentimental about so many things. If you are looking for something to be mad about, you will find it. You’ll walk into a store and be frustrated about the commercialization of Christmas, or you’ll be annoyed with the number of gifts that kids receive these days. On the other hand, you can get lost in the way things used to be, daydreaming about times past and feeling disappointed with your present circumstances.

Personally, I lean heavily toward sentimentality. I’m a traditionalist, I enjoy reminiscing about the past, and I don’t always think it’s a bad thing. But if we focus on what’s behind instead of what’s ahead, we are not living our lives expectant of the good ahead of us in our careers, our communities, our families, and God’s plan for our lives.

This week, be present, seek to enjoy the gifts you’ve been given, and allow yourself to look ahead with excitement to the good that’s to come.

“We do not remember days; we remember moments." - Cesare Pavese

‍As the holidays are in full swing, think about what moments you remember and cherish from past holiday seasons.

David Salyers, former Vice President of Chick-fil-A, describes these moments as etched memories. These are the pictures, interactions, and feelings that are carved in your mind after an important experience. Earlier this year, I wrote a blog post about the power of moments and the impact of making specific aspects of an experience extraordinary and memorable. So, as we enter this holiday season, how can we intentionally create etched memories with the people we love? How many of you remember the food that you ate on Christmas Day three years ago? Unless you eat the same thing every year (or someone burned the turkey), you probably don’t remember. But if it is your responsibility to prepare the meal for your family, the menu may consume all of your thoughts and energy on Christmas morning and during the days leading up. How many of you remember a Christmas present you received when you were 9 years old? There are a few special Christmas presents that I remember receiving through the years, but on average, I can’t pin a specific present to a specific year. But parents everywhere agonize over having the perfect gifts for their kids to open Christmas morning.

It’s not that the food and the gifts don’t matter. However, as we get closer to the holidays, many of us will spend a disproportionate amount of energy on the components of the Christmas celebration that will have the least amount of impact. We’ll stress out over putting up the perfect decorations in our homes, having each present wrapped correctly, making sure the meal is festive enough, and sending out the Christmas cards before the week of Christmas.

We should absolutely continue to do these things. (I promise if no one ends up cooking food for anyone this Christmas, you’ll create the wrong kind of etched memory!) But how can we take time to intentionally craft a moment at the holidays that our families will be talking about for the next ten years? It doesn’t have to be extravagant or involve a lot of money.

Most of the time, the memories that matter revolve around people, not presents, places, or products.

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Take a minute right now. Stop what you’re doing and think about the kind of memory you want to make this year.

A year from now, you might not remember the gifts you receive this Christmas. But you’ll probably remember the way you felt when you decided to give money to a family at church, so they could provide gifts for their children.

Maybe you won’t remember the hours you spent putting up decorations, but you’ll probably remember your kids’ excitement as they watched their dad saw down the family’s Christmas tree.

Maybe you won’t remember what sides you prepared for Christmas dinner, but you’ll remember the Christmas karaoke session with your daughters as you all clean up together.

Maybe you won’t remember everything you planned for Christmas morning, but you’ll remember how hard everyone laughed during that game of charades you originally planned just to kill time.

Be intentional this Christmas. This is not a charge to be extravagant, to spend more money, or to give up a crazy amount of time to plan an experience. It’s a simple reminder for each of us to focus our attention on the memories that will be etched in the minds of the people we love long after the season has come and gone.