A few weeks ago, I walked into a meeting with someone in a corporation who is interested in our company and what we do. I know one of the most important things I can do in any meeting, especially a sales meeting, is listen. Listening helps me learn more about the person across the table from me—their passions and desires, the struggles they face in their business, and the opportunities we have to serve them effectively. And even though everything within me knows that I need to sit there and listen, I can’t help myself—I want to talk.
Inevitably, a few minutes into the meeting, I jump into the conversation to offer an idea or give an example. One of the worst things we can do is interject and interrupt someone before they are finished talking. We might be stepping in to try to solve a problem, but we’ve only heard one piece of it. If we are patient enough to sit and listen for a few more minutes, we have an opportunity to hear the second, third, and fourth problems which might be bigger issues that we are more suited to solve.
Interrupting and interjecting doesn’t just happen in the business world, it happens all the time. In fact, a recent study showed that when a patient is in a doctor’s office explaining their ailments and symptoms, the average amount of time a doctor waits before interrupting is 18 seconds (The Health Care Blog). I get it. These doctors are smart. They listen to patients day after day and are used to diagnosing, prescribing, and moving onto the next person. They want to solve the problem quickly and efficiently, but when they don’t hear the full range of symptoms, they sometimes risk losing an opportunity to solve a major, even life-threatening, issue.
This blog is not meant to just criticize salespeople and doctors. It’s meant to expose an innate flaw in all of us. Social scientists say that while this tendency to interrupt is true for doctors, it’s also true for most people. Though opinions vary about the exact time we will listen to another person without interrupting, most agree that it’s well under 30 seconds.
Today, this blog is as much for me as it is for you. It’s a simple but very strong reminder to shut up and listen. It might be the most important thing we do today.
Shut up and listen. It might be the most important thing we do today.
Try it when you sit in your next meeting. Don’t focus on formulating a response. Listen to understand. When you walk in the door this evening, listen to your spouse. Be curious, and ask questions. Instead of cutting your daughter off mid-sentence, listen to why she got in trouble at school today. Hear the full story before you dive into a corrective response.
When you ask somehow how they are doing, don’t ask out of obligation or with the hope that they’ll ask you in return. Listen because you care about them.
As Ernest Hemingway put it, “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” So, this week, shut up and listen. You’ll stand out among your friends, colleagues, and peers, you’ll probably become the most effective problem-solver in the room, and you’ll definitely learn more about the people around you.
I have a new book out called The Lens of Leadership. It's all about perspective because I believe the way we view things changes how we do things.
Culture might be the business buzzword of recent years. It’s not a new concept, but it certainly seems to be in vogue to design, discuss, and debate your company or corporate culture. So it’s no surprise that these conversations are spreading to our personal lives, and now, we’re spending more time talking about the cultures of our churches, schools, and even our families.
Obviously, culture in these environments is not more important than it used to be, but it is certainly getting more attention. Even before culture conversations were as prevalent, this concept was discussed using other terms. You might recall people talking about thermostats and thermometers. People shape environments, so we were told that each of us can either be a thermometer or a thermostat. The thermometers read the temperature of the room and react to it, and the thermostats set the temperature. As leaders, we need to know and respond to these two types of people on our teams. I’ll use these terms to describe them—culture carriers and culture creators.
Culture carriers are the people in your organization that embrace its values and live them out in their daily work and interactions. Once culture has been established, these are the culture ambassadors. They carry both the good and the bad, so it’s important to invest in them, spend time with them, acknowledge what they are doing. When they’re spreading positive things, we need consciously encourage more of it. Whether you’re in a corporate or cause-driven environment, these are the people that live out the brand and the mission of your company.
Culture creators are the people that set the temperature—positive or negative—in the room. They are not just simply an embodiment of what they see. Instead, they are powerful forces that shape the culture of your organization. People observe them, see what they do, and respond to the way they act. If you have a negative culture creator on your team, get rid of them immediately. But if you have a positive culture creator, you’ve struck gold. Figure out how to keep this person, engage this person, and encourage this person as they lead and influence the culture of your team.
We all have culture carriers and culture creators on every team. Identify them, and respond to these people in a way that promotes the kind of culture you’re working to achieve.
Acknowledge your culture carriers. Recognize the ways they’ve embraced your organization, and celebrate their excitement for what you’re all working together to accomplish.
Pinpoint your positive culture creators. Celebrate their leadership, and come alongside them as they breathe life into your team’s culture.
I have a new book out called The Lens of Leadership. It's all about perspective because I believe the way we view things changes how we do things.
Laura and I recently welcomed our first baby into the world. We are sleep-deprived but couldn’t be more excited!
Looking back on our time before our son arrived, we found no shortage of experts eager to tell us everything they thought we needed to know. Whether it was what we should name our son, if he should be on a schedule or not on a schedule, how often we should hold him, where he should sleep, whether or not to give him a pacifier, or when to start solid foods—there were so many opinions (often contradictory) from great parents whom we respect.
Some of their advice will work for us, and some of it won’t. But in the midst of the books we’re reading, blogs we’re following, apps that tell us what we should be doing at different times, and friends who give their unsolicited advice, there are a few things I know I want to do. I want to replicate some of the most simple but important lessons I learned from my parents. Just like your parents, my parents aren’t perfect and didn’t do everything right, but here are a few things they did that shaped the way I see the world. (By the way, these are not only good ideas for parenthood, these are good ideas for life.)
Be generous.
My whole life, I’ve watched my parents model generosity. They are generous with their time, resources, and energy—even when it’s limited—to serve and love the people around them. Aside from me and my sister, at least 6 different kids (not related to us) have lived with my parents at one time or another. From kids whose parents have passed away to kids experiencing unique and challenging circumstances, my parents always opened their home to whoever needed one. I never remember my parents specifically talking to me about the concept of generosity, because they didn’t need to—I watched them model it with their lives.
Be consistent.
From taking us to church whenever the doors were open to giving us instruction that was always supported by their actions, my parents lived, led, and taught us consistency. For me, consistency is one of the most important and also one of the most daunting principles I want to impart to my kids. Will they see the character modeled in me that I want them to exhibit?
Celebrate.
This year, I turned 34. Thirty-four is not a remarkable birthday; there’s nothing special to celebrate. But my parents got us all together anyway. They invited us, and we all piled into my sister and her family’s home where they showered me with gifts and cake. My parents are excellent at finding reasons to celebrate and gather together. Generosity, consistency, and celebration are three things I want to integrate into the culture of my family, but these things work in other aspects of my life. Even in my business, I want our organization to be known for its generosity, consistency, and eagerness to celebrate our clients and team members. In our small group at church, I want us to be generous to the members of our group that have a need, to be consistent in our attendance, diligence, and involvement, and to celebrate others when they experience exciting milestones and their lives.
Being generous, consistent, and eager to celebrate enhances every phase and stage of your life as you grow your family, shape the culture of your company, and live life with your community of friends.
Being generous, consistent, and eager to celebrate enhances every phase and stage of your life.
Take these lessons from my parents, and seek to live them out in your daily life. I have a new book out called The Lens of Leadership. It's all about perspective because I believe the way we view things changes how we do things.
This week, I want to briefly unpack a topic I address in my new book The Lens of Leadership. The longer I’m in the working world, the more passionate I am about sharing this idea because I see it play out in every single organization. The basic principle is this: there are four stages that professionals go through in their working environment.
And I believe that understanding these stages can change the atmosphere, increase productivity, and positively impact the overall success of your organization.
Each individual in your company (business, school, non-profit organization) falls into one of the four quadrants pictured below. I’ll discuss each one, the natural progression of the professional, and why you need to change it.
Stage 1: Passionate but not prepared.
This is the person in the first few weeks of a new job. She shows up and is excited for her role, but she isn’t prepared to contribute. That’s not her fault—she can’t be equipped until she understands the organization and her role. This is the natural first step in everyone’s journey within an organization, or even a new role within an organization. We all have to be trained to learn a new trade or skill.
Stage 2: Passionate and prepared.
This is where you want every individual in your organization to be. This person is passionate, engaged, enjoys his job, and he’s equipped to do it well. Stage two is the sweet spot.
Stage 3: Prepared but no longer passionate.
Unfortunately, this is a stage familiar to most of us. In fact, we might be here right now. In stage 3, an individual knows how to do her job, but she’s no longer as engaged as she used to be. Whether it’s a lack of excitement or just less commitment, this person isn’t as engaged. However, there’s hope. We can get back to stage 2 from here, but a lot of times, people hang out here far too long. Negativity and discontent increases, and they are strong recruiters of people in stage 2. The person in stage 3 is always luring others to join them. Misery loves company, doesn’t it?
Stage 4: Not passionate and no longer prepared.
This individual has been disengaged for so long that he’s stopped investing in his work. Not only is he disengaged, but he also isn’t even functionally good at his job anymore. There’s a tendency for some professionals to think discussions about engagement, or employee passion, are fluffy or unimportant. However, there is a real (and very high) cost to having people in stages 3 and 4 in your organization. A recent Gallup poll shows that 32% of employees are “engaged” (that is, in stages 1 and 2), 51% are “not engaged” (stage 3), and 17% are “actively disengaged” (stage 4).
Consider an average-sized company with 100 people. Gallup’s poll would say that 68% are disengaged, but we’re going to give this particular company a lot more credit. This is a highly-engaged company and only has 20 people in stage 3, and none in stage 4—20 people that are prepared but no longer passionate. If there are 20 disengaged people in this company and the average person makes $20 an hour, that’s 20 people X $20 an hour X 40 hours in a week X 52 weeks in a year = $832,000. Are you reading that correctly? $832,000.00. That’s a lot of money!
Now, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they aren’t wasting all of their time, but they aren’t quite as productive as they used to be. Let’s say a fourth of their hours aren’t as productive—that’s still $208,000 in lost productivity.
Do you know an organization that could benefit from an additional $200,000+ dollars?
It doesn’t matter what type of organization you’re in, there is a very high cost to low engagement. If you’re in a position to help engage people, make that your focus this week!
It doesn’t matter what type of organization you’re in, there is a very high cost to low engagement.
If you aren’t, perform an audit of your own engagement. If you aren’t in stage 2, either find a way to get there or find another place where you can be prepared and passionate!
I have a new book out called The Lens of Leadership. It's all about perspective because I believe the way we view things changes how we do things.
I recently wrote a book called The Lens of Leadership. The book is all about having the right perspective, because how we view things has a profound effect on how we do things. Throughout the book, I address different topics and challenge readers to look through the correct lens when viewing various things, like the people in their lives, their perspective on profit, and how they measure progress. My desire is to challenge people to look at something in a new way or from a different angle.
I believe this is so important (that’s why I wrote a book about it), but in this discussion of perspective, one area we often miss is where we should place our focus and where we shouldn’t. Corrie Ten Boom explained this in simple terms: “Child, you have to learn to see things in the right proportions. Learn to see great things great and small things small.”
When we think about our perspective on life and leadership, our particular views on a certain topic or strategy are not nearly as important as our ability to see things in the right proportion. Knowing and devoting time to tackling the things that matter most and resisting the temptation to dwell on the things that don’t makes us more productive, focused, and satisfied in our personal and professional lives.
I once witnessed a speaker give a powerful illustration about a healthy perspective of profit. At first, he held up two quarters directly in front of this eyes—that’s all he could see. He explained that this overwhelming view of money prevented him from seeing anything else. But he gradually pushed the quarters further away from his eyes. Finally, with his arms fully extended, he could still see the money, but he had a proper perspective of its importance. With that view, he could also see everything else. Money isn’t everything, and it’s also not completely insignificant either. Money is one of many things that require attention in our organizations and in our lives (The Lens of Leadership, 115).
Think about how this principle applies to other areas of your life.
At home, are you more focused on keeping a pristine house or on taking the time to sit and invest in your child?
At work, are you more focused on constantly pleasing people or on taking the time to lead your team to create and deliver the best product for your company? In class, are you more focused on impressing your peers, or are you dedicating more time to learning the material necessary to jumpstart your career?
At your nonprofit, are you more focused on the minutiae of service project details, or are you giving more time to train volunteers to make fruitful connections with the people you’re serving?
The most effective leaders know where to spend their time and energy.
The most effective leaders know where to spend their time and energy.
Misjudging the importance of tasks in your personal and professional life can lead you down a frustratingly unproductive path. So, look at what you’re doing right now, and figure out if there are small things you’re seeing as great or great things you’re seeing as small. Put things in the proper perspective, and plan your days accordingly.
People typically fall into one of two categories: those who enjoy selling and those who hate it.
The people who hate it think sales is pushy, slimy, manipulative, and all about personal gain. However, we make a crucial mistake when we take this view. When we undervalue the importance of selling, positioning, and persuasion, we don’t invest in our ability to do these things well, and we lose the opportunity to change hearts and minds with our ideas.
In my new book The Lens of Leadership, I challenge readers to reevaluate their perspective because the way we view things really does change how we do things. So today, I want to tackle how we view positioning, persuasion, and sales. Especially if you view "sales" in a negative light, I want to shift your perspective today.
If we have ideas that are valuable, worthy, and good, we must understand the principles of positioning to help our ideas, products, or services have success in the marketplace. In other words, “Selling is inherently persuasive, but it’s not inherently wrong” (The Lens of Leadership).
Many people perceive positioning as shading the truth, but leaders learn to see it as a necessary tool to unlock and unleash the potential of the concepts they need to communicate.
We see the power of positioning every day in effective marketing. A friend told me about two books he noticed at a local bookstore. Both books were on the same topic. One was beautifully written with powerful insights, but the publisher didn’t do much to promote the book. That book, packed with great ideas, only sold a few thousand copies. The other book had nothing new to say about this shared topic, but the publisher poured resources into creative marketing strategies to push the book to the public. While it lacked depth, it was positioned well, and the book sold over 100,000 copies. “The difference in the impact wasn’t the quality of the books; it was the quality of how each one was positioned” (The Lens of Leadership).
The same is true about any product, service, political idea, or strategy—the one positioned well will make a greater impact, even if it’s inferior to others. Being the best on its own is unfortunately not enough. It only matters if you’re able to convince other people that your product, service, or idea is the best. Somebody has to do the hard work of positioning. The best writers don’t sell the most books. Remember the Twilight saga?
The most talented artists don’t always sell the most work. A piece of trash that a celebrity calls art would probably sell for more than a gorgeous painting created by an unknown artist. The best singers don’t always draw the biggest crowds. Taylor Swift is a talented artist, but she’s not the best live performer. (I'll be sure to get some hate mail for that one!)
The restaurants with the best food aren’t always the busiest. But the ones with the right aesthetic, brand, and marketing draw in crowds. Don't misunderstand me: Quality is important, especially to retain customers. But without the sizzle, people may never be willing to taste the steak.
The writers, artists, and businesses that find their unique position in the marketplace succeed even beyond the quality of their products or skills. Don’t be afraid to be the salesman if it means introducing the world to a product, service, experience, or idea that could make it a better place. Stop judging the salesman, and start positioning your work.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 139:13–14
We’re due any day with our first child, so I’m spending some time thinking about Psalm 139. Before this baby is even born, God created him with special gifts and abilities. For a while, he’ll be totally dependent on us, but one day, he’ll grow up and live out God’s unique plan and purpose for his life.
I think all of us believe this for our own children and other kids that we love. We know they’re gifted, and we dream big dreams for their lives. But I often wonder if we’ve forgotten that our own lives have a unique purpose. As we get older, it’s easy to think that our lives, our roles, and our jobs are less significant than they should be. We reason that our job is only to manage a team, to support a customer, to design graphics, or to teach middle school students. A lot of times, we devalue the roles we’ve been given and don’t view them from the proper perspective.
Think about it like this:
If you were meant to cure cancer, to solve world hunger, or to negotiate a treaty that would bring peace to millions of people, and you didn’t do it, it wouldn’t just affect you. It would hurt other people—your children, your friends, your community, and the world as a whole.
Steven Pressfield says that when you aren’t living out the true purpose for your life, “You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite the Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther
along its path back to God.” We all have unique talents and abilities; therefore, we should view each of our roles as vitally important to the good of the people around us. Whether you are a manager of a team, a customer service representative, a waiter in a restaurant, a teacher, or a lawyer, your role matters. God’s unique plan for your life is a gift to you that you, in turn, owe the world. This week, consider the talents and gifts God has given you. Are you living these out in your daily life? If so, keep working and be encouraged that your role matters. If not, find ways to pursue God’s unique purpose for your life.
In the same way that my child is fearfully and wonderfully made, so am I and so are you.
Don’t cheat the world of your contribution, and get to work.
I have a new book out called The Lens of Leadership. It's all about perspective because I believe the way we view things changes how we do things.
Imagine you’re standing on an empty sidewalk, and you see someone attacking another person a block away. If you know you’re the only person witnessing this attack, you probably feel the responsibility to do something about it, whether it’s physically helping the victim or calling for help. However, if you’re standing on a crowded sidewalk, and you see someone attacking another person a block away, you’re much less likely to act.
This phenomena is called the bystander effect. The more people there are in a collective group, the less personal responsibility each one feels in these types of situations. If 50 people are witnessing this attack, it’s easy to assume that one of the other 49 will step up and do something, so when you don’t act, you only feel 1/50th responsible for the outcome of the situation.
Throughout history, legal debates have erupted about this very issue. If we see something happening, what level of responsibility do we have for it? The case of Kitty Genovese is one of the most frequently-cited examples of the bystander effect. On March 13, 1964, Genovese was walking back to her apartment in Queens, New York, at 3 a.m. when she was stabbed. She screamed and cried out for help, and the attacker initially fled the scene after attracting the attention of a neighbor. But about ten minutes later, he returned, assaulted Genovese, and killed her.
Newspaper reports claimed that 38 witnesses watched the attack from neighboring apartment units and failed to intervene or even contact the police until after Genovese had died. There are certainly life-threatening implications to the bystander effect, but more often they aren’t quite as dire. We’re faced with the choice to act or stand by many times in the routine activities of our daily lives.
Here’s a personal example. When my wife is not at home and laundry needs to be done, I do it. Why? Because I know that if I don’t, it won’t get done. But when my wife is at home, I’m less likely to tackle the pile of laundry on the couch. It’s not because I don’t want to serve her, or because I believe it’s her job to do. Instead, it’s because I subconsciously recognize that there’s another person that could do it. I feel less responsibility to take care of it. That’s why our laundry sometimes sits for a few days. We’re both waiting for the other person to do it.
Think about these situations: It’s the tenth time they’ve asked for volunteers to help with the children’s ministry at church, and we’re all waiting for the other couple hundred people in the congregation to step in and help. In the office, when an extra job needs to be done to finish a project, we absolve ourselves of the responsibility to do it because there are others in the office that could step in and complete the task.
Let’s resist the temptation to fall prey to the bystander effect and find ways to feel, and accept, the responsibility we each hold.
If we will look through that lens, we’re less likely to assume that someone else will do it and far more likely to accept our responsibility to make something happen.
I have a new book out called The Lens of Leadership. It's all about perspective because I believe the way we view things changes how we do things. If you’ve read The Lens of Leadership, don’t be a bystander—leave a review on Amazon!
One of the things that our company creates and distributes is an elementary school program called The Voyage. This program has given me an opportunity to be in elementary schools more often and to witness the wonder of a child’s imagination. There are many fun things that happen in elementary schools, but for me, the most captivating moments are when we see the imagination of little children at work—the way they think about things, play with one another, and write stories.
Most adults want to instill the belief in children that there is no limit to what they can do, so we encourage their curiosity, imagination, and dreams. It doesn’t matter their socio-economic status, their race, or their gender—we want to inspire all kids to dream about what they can be one day. One of the most common questions we ask children is what they want to be when they grow up. (One comedian remarked, that some adults aren’t that interested in the answers, but they are just looking for ideas)!
But something strange happens when we get older; we stop celebrating the dreamers and creatives. What we encourage in children, we patronize in adults. That guy needs to grow up. It’s time for her to get serious. They need to be more realistic.
It’s true—as adults, we have real responsibilities we need to own. We need to provide for ourselves and do what’s best for our families. But we also need to remember that there are still opportunities for us to dream and for us to pursue new things. Will Smith says, “Being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity.”So don’t settle. Rediscover some of those childlike ideals.
If you have a dream, pursue it. If you want a career change, explore it.
If you have a new idea or initiative for your company, present it.
The older we get, the more we color inside the lines and think inside the box. But often, it’s curiosity and imagination that lead to more fulfillment, new innovations, and answers to problems the world is desperately looking to solve.
If you’ve given up on your dream or are too afraid to take the leap, this blog is for you. Put your dream back on the table. Dust it off. Explore it. Pursue it. And make a difference in the world around you.
I have a new book out called The Lens of Leadership. It's all about perspective because I believe the way we view things changes how we do things.
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