You received a note home from school because of your child’s disruptive behavior in class.

You received negative feedback from your boss after delivering a presentation you’ve been working on for months.

You had a fight with your spouse this morning while you were trying to get yourself and children out the door.

You’ve been given what feels like an impossible deadline at work.

You had a disagreement with a friend about a polarizing political issue.

Your sales manager has just informed you that the deal isn’t going to work with the client you worked so hard to land.

Your mom called to complain to you about how little she talks to your other siblings.

Your teammate is making more money than you but works fewer hours.

Your teenage daughter told you she doesn’t want to talk to you about the trouble she’s having with her friends.

What keeps you up at night?

We encounter frustrating situations like the ones listed above every day. Yet, whatever our unique set of circumstances, we should make it our aim to have an appropriate response to each of them. But “appropriate” is a difficult balance to strike. Some issues are very important and warrant a lot of our attention. Others? They may be frustrating, but they shouldn’t completely consume our thoughts and emotions.

The problem is, how do we know which problems warrant our time and energy, and which ones need to be let go?

A few months ago, Seth Godin posted a blog, asking some questions that might help us:

“Will today’s emergency even be remembered? Will that thing you’re particularly anxious about have been hardly worth the time you put into it?

Better question: What could you do today that would matter a year from now?”

So many of us (myself included) lose sleep over things that will not matter a year from now. Instead of being tossed around by life’s daily trials, let’s ask ourselves how much they will matter a year from now.

Instead of being tossed around by life’s daily trials, let’s ask ourselves how much they will matter a year from now.

We aren’t going to get it all right. We’re going to make mistakes, and we’re going to fail. But most of these moments are fleeting and won’t affect us or the people around us in the long run.

So here’s my challenge to you and to me today: Let’s make the intentional decision to focus our thoughts and energy on the relationships and the outcomes that matter the most. Let’s stop losing sleep over things that shouldn’t keep us up at night.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, and their involvement in the military service.

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would describe to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the man by the window had passed away. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said,

“Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

This story is called The Hospital Window, and its author is unknown. However, it’s not surprising that it continues to be told because it’s a vivid reminder of the power of encouragement. Truett Cathy, the founder of Chick-fil-A was known for asking this rhetorical question: “How do you know someone needs encouragement?” He’d always answer with, “If they’re breathing!” Everyone could use some encouragement.

Everyone could use some encouragement.

Be an encourager—to your family, to your spouse, to your parents, to your clients, and to your team members. Find specific ways to build up the people around you and make it your mission to spur others on as they pursue their God-given purpose.

I have to get this project done because I have a big deadline.

I have to get home before 5:30 to relieve the babysitter.

I have to make our kids dinner tonight.

I have to get them to bed by myself because Laura is at work.

I think and talk this way a lot.

But what if I made one change to the way I thought about and talked about my activities?

I get to go to the office early this morning because I have a meeting.

I get to complete this project with some amazing and talented people.

I get to go home and spend time with my kids tonight.

I get to read them stories and put them to bed.

Simply shifting my language from “have to” to “get to” helps me shift my perspective. How we view things changes how we do things. When we shift our perspective, we view our responsibilities as privileges instead of problems.

When we shift our perspective, we view our responsibilities as privileges instead of problems.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: Kevin, this is kind of cheesy. I’d typically agree with you.

In the past, I’ve peddled new-age pop-psychology that promises a whole new life simply through the power of positive thinking. For the most part, this pseudo-scientific approach is intellectually dishonest, flawed, and destructive. However, in an effort to reject this, many people run to the opposite extreme and say, “My thinking doesn’t matter at all.” This perpetual chip on my shoulder doesn’t have any negative repercussions. This is also false.

Proverbs 23:7 says, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

So both of these things can be true at the same time:

1. Positive thinking does not mean your life will always be positive.

2. Negative thinking is certain to have negative consequences.

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How we think about something and how we talk about something impacts how we show up every day.

This is true in our personal and professional lives.

Consider this. A company asks its employees to fill out a survey, and the majority say that they would like to be offered more professional development so they can develop their leadership skills. The executives at this company respond by developing a solution and telling their employees to go sign up for a course that the company is going to fund. Yet, the employees resent it because of the way it’s positioned. The executives tell the employees they “have to sign up for this course” rather than sharing that they are being granted the benefit of leadership development and are being invested in by the company.

The way something is positioned affects how others view it.

The way we position something in our minds affects how we view it. Each of us should remember that our thoughts and our words matter. We must train ourselves to say “I get to.” And if you lead others, work on helping them see the “get to” not just the “have to”.

Pay close attention to your thoughts and words this week. See how shifting the “have to’s” in your mind to “get to’s” might just change the way you view and do the work in front of you.

The reason we chose the phrase “impact through action” is to emphasize how real change happens. All impact comes from actually doing something. We can sit around and think about things. We can hope situations get better. We can even brainstorm new ideas that would make a difference, but impact happens through action.

Said another way:

Our beliefs matter to the extent they influence our behavior.

With this truth in mind, consider your actions throughout the day—at home, at work, and at church. Think about how you behave toward your spouse, coworkers, and friends. If you really believe something is true, it should affect your actions.

If you believe something is true, then what will you do?

If your kids are the most important, then what?

If you truly love your spouse, then what?

If your team is valuable, then what?

If your product will make a difference, then what?

If your idea could change the world, then what?

If your faith would bring hope to others, then what?

If your role at work has a purpose greater than yourself, then what?

If your contribution could increase the success of your entire team, then what?

If your child’s years at home are limited but pivotal, then what?

If your office culture is impacted by your attitude, then what?

If you care about the needs of your coworker, then what?

If the well-being of your local community matters, then what?

If you love your neighbor, then what?

If you believe in your company’s mission, then what?

The first step for all of us is to figure out what we think. What we believe. What is true. Once we’ve nailed that down, the second step is to ask ourselves, “What will I do about it?” Many of us say something is important to us, but our actions don’t line up with our words.

If I believe the service I am offering matters, I should work hard to sell it.

If I truly love my spouse, I should put their needs before my own.

If I am passionate about my organization’s purpose, I should eagerly pursue it in my given role.

If I believe my faith could change a person’s life, I should tell them about it!

Impact happens through action—the saying is just as true for you and me as it is for our youngest high school leaders. My hope for you today is that you’ll evaluate what you believe and endeavor to align your behavior with your beliefs.

I feel like my list is already getting long:

We’re planning the things we want to do as a family this year as we prepare to welcome another child. I am planning things for our business, focusing on goals, and growing our team.

I have a new book coming out in March and am making plans for its release. I’m planning what my role at church will look like this year.

Each of these things are good things. They are all things I want to do. However, I can’t do everything I want to do. I don’t know about you, but I believe many of us struggle with the temptation to add too many things to our plates. Our default answer to more activities is “Yes.” So here we are, three days into 2023, and here’s my goal: Find things to say no to. (It’s tough to articulate how incredibly difficult this is for me.)We must remind ourselves:

Saying no to good things allows us to say yes to the best things.

And I’ll never have the courage to say no if I haven’t identified my priorities ahead of time. When two things come into conflict, I need a clear matrix of when to say yes and when to say no.

For example, when a work commitment conflicts with a family activity, what will you choose?

When you’re approached by a potential client to take on a project that doesn’t align with your values, how will you respond?

If you’re offered a higher paying job that would help your family but doesn’t align with your strengths, what will you decide? I’m not going to oversimplify. The answers to these questions may not always be black and white. Maybe it’s a short, busy season at work, and you have to miss your child’s ball game to prioritize completing the most important project of the year.

Deciding when to say no may often come down to open discussions with the people who know you best. But make no mistake, you will be forced to choose. And if you don’t decide when you will say “no” by design, you will end up saying “no” by default because you lack the margin to say yes. In my book The Lens, I explain that “Purpose tells us when to say yes. Priority reveals when to say no.” If things align with your purpose, they should get added to your list. However, priority is where they should land on your list. Because your time is limited, you may find yourself saying no to something valuable so you can say yes to something more valuable.

Purpose tells us when to say yes. Priority reveals when to say no.

This year, lots of things could be added to my plate, but 362 days from now, if I am successful and intentional this year, it’s because I have learned what to say no to.

They’ll write lists full of goals—things they want to do or things they want to stop doing next year. Their goals might be professional or personal. They might be focused on losing weight or growing a business. They could be the first step to pursuing a dream or an important relationship. The bottom line is that people will make promises, to themselves and others, many of which will ultimately be broken.

However, the greatest problem with New Year’s resolutions is not the risk that we may not keep them. The biggest issue is that our lists focus mainly on what we are going to do and often overlook why we are going to do it. When we focus on the what and overlook the why, it’s tough to stay committed. When we focus on our why, our what becomes far more meaningful.

When we focus on our why, our what becomes far more meaningful.

I’d challenge you to spend some time this week truly examining your motives. I’ve spent more than a decade working to understand what drives people, what motivates individuals, and why so many pursue the wrong things. I’ve come to realize that most of our motives can be bucketed into one of the following categories: survival, approval, fun, and calling.

1. Survival: Each of us have made decisions based on what’s necessary to survive in this life. Many of us have jobs so we can pay the bills, put food on the table, and meet the needs of our family. This desire to survive is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s necessary, but in isolation, it is simply not enough to fulfill us long term.

2. Approval: In some way, each of us has a desire to be accepted and respected by our peers, our friends, and our loved ones. Seeking the approval of others can drive our decisions and actions, but this motivation only leads to fleeting moments of satisfaction. And in some instances, it can actually be dangerous because when the approval flees, our sense of self-worth goes away with it. Furthermore, many people spend years pursuing the wrong things simply to impress others.

3. Fun: People are often motivated by pleasure. We seek things that please us and help us escape from the pressures of everyday life. The problem is that we can’t escape forever, and just like the rush that comes with man’s approval, the pleasures of fun won’t last. (Hear me out: fun is not bad, but fun as a key motivator can potentially derail your life).

4. Calling: Survival, approval, and fun are all things that motivate us to act, but ultimately, the only motivator that leads to a life of fulfillment is calling. Your calling is rooted in who you are and what you believe. This calling allows you to exercise your gifts and do something you enjoy that can impact the world around you. A calling does not always have to be a career or a job. For some of us, our jobs give us a sense of calling, but for others, a volunteer organization, a relationship, or a role at home might reveal a personal calling.

A sense of calling may not change what you do, but it always infuses what you do with meaning.

For those of us who think about calling in the context of faith, I love the way one pastor explained it: A calling is God’s invitation for your participation in His plan for your life.

Success next year will not only be determined by what you do but also why you do it. Before you make that laundry list of New Year’s resolutions this week, reflect on why you do what you do and let your calling shape your goals for 2023.

There will be plenty written about this Auburn graduate who went on to be Head Coach at the University of Georgia. You’ll hear about a National Championship and the Hall of Fame. And when you get past the athletic accolades, you’ll learn about a true renaissance man: a marine, a master gardener, and a historian who audited classes for more than 40 years at UGA.To me, he was all of that and more.

While an undergraduate, I met Coach Dooley for the first time when I was a part of a fundraiser at his home to support UGA HEROs. After graduation, when we launched Global LEAD, he made important connections for us and joined the first trip to South Africa. When Garrett and I Co-Founded ADDO, he was the first call. He supported the ADDO Gathering and joined us on an ADDO Ambassador trip to Cuba.

I learned a lot from Coach Dooley. It would be impossible to capture it all here, so I’ll share 3 of the greatest lessons he taught me, with his words and his example.

1. You’re never too big to serve.

On our inaugural study abroad program to Cape Town, South Africa, students would take classes, participate in adventures like safaris and diving with Great White Sharks, and serve in impoverished areas. One morning the students were headed to paint a library in a local township. At 7:00 a.m., Coach Dooley was the first one in the lobby, wearing jeans and t-shirt, ready to go serve alongside the students. No one asked him to. We certainly didn’t expect it. But if there was an opportunity to help, he was going to take it.

2. Be an agent.

The word agent means to work on behalf of others, and this marked Coach Dooley’s life. He leveraged his influence and relationships on behalf of others. When we needed help with global connections, he set up a meeting with Billy Payne (the man who brought the Olympics to Atlanta and was the Chairman of Augusta National.) When we were trying to do business with Chick-fil-A, he invited Garrett and I to a speech he was giving there, and personally introduced us to Truett and Dan Cathy. Most people are stingy with their connections. They hold them close to the chest. Not Coach Dooley. He was willing to work on behalf of others.

3. Never stop learning.

In Coach Dooley’s home office was a framed quote from Michelangelo at 87 years old, which said, “I am still learning.” That’s how Coach approached life. When he and I were speaking together to a grocery wholesaler, Coach spent hours researching their business to better understand it. The last time I had dinner in Coach Dooley’s home was July of this year. Laura and I were headed to London the following week. Coach disappeared from dinner for 10 minutes and then returned with a book that he encouraged me to read. He shared about Churchill and WWII. His desire to keep learning inspired me.

What makes my relationship with Coach so special isn’t that it was particularly unique. His generosity toward me is how he was with countless individuals. However, he cared for me personally, as I and my wife Laura have cared deeply for him and Barbara all of these years. It’s difficult to express in words how much our relationship and his influence on my life means to me, but I hope these words encourage you to live your life with the kind of intentionality and purpose that marked Coach Dooley.

If you’ve never seen it, or it’s been a while since you have, the movie opens with a scene of men, women, and children praying for a man named George Bailey. The camera pans, and the image shifts from a snowy Bedford Falls to a vision of heaven and a conversation between two angels. They’re preparing to send help to George Bailey and to discuss the next angel in line—Clarence, a novice angel without his wings.

The conversation goes something like this:

One angel says to Clarence: “A man down on earth needs our help.”

Clarence asks: “Is he sick?”

The other angel replies, “No, it’s worse. He’s discouraged.”

Have you ever been there before? Is there anything worse in life than feeling discouraged? You know, discouragement is truly a sense of hopelessness.

And we live in a world that is looking and longing for hope.

The famous Christmas song “Oh Holy Night” contains this line: Long lay the world in sin and error pining.

‍I looked up that word pining—it’s one we don’t hear very often. It actually means to suffer a mental and physical decline, especially because of a broken heart. Sounds a lot like deep discouragement or hopelessness to me. But the song gives us some desperately needed good news:

‍Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.

‍A thrill of hope because He appeared. There are many things for which to be hopeful, but perhaps the greatest is a baby born in the town of Bethlehem more than 2,000 years ago. And that hope is what Christmas is all about.

There are many things for which to be hopeful, but perhaps the greatest is a baby born in the town of Bethlehem more than 2,000 years ago.

“For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulder,

and his name shall be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

– Isaiah 9:6

Merry Christmas!

Isn’t it interesting how the greatest seasons of joy and celebration are often also the heaviest times of year? Maybe it’s just getting older, or being exposed to more hurt in the world, but I find this to be especially true as Christmas approaches each year.

As many of us make plans with family and friends to celebrate, we’re reminded of fractured relationships—the parents who feel neglected, the siblings we just can’t agree with, and the children who have rebelled and chosen to spend Christmas somewhere else. While many look forward to the holidays, many of the gatherings have an undercurrent of sadness as the relationships around the table are not as strong or loving as they could be.

And it’s not just relationships. As we work through gift lists this year, many of us are feeling the financial burden of inflation. Perhaps it’s weighing especially heavy as you look at your kids’ wishlists and realize that you just can’t afford to get them what they want this year. Though you know there’s more to this season than presents, you worry your children will be sorely disappointed.

Relationships. Financial Strain. Not to mention unrealized dreams. The year is almost over, and many of us are burdened by the things we didn’t do or goals we didn’t accomplish. We wonder if we did enough, or if this year is another one where we didn’t quite measure up to our own standards or the ones set by those around us.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Oftentimes the weight feels heavy.

So the line in the song that tells us to “let your heart be light” might feel like an impossible task.

But let’s take a step back together and imagine an even more chaotic Christmas than the one you might be experiencing today.

Imagine Mary on a donkey, traveling the five-day road from Nazareth to the small town of Bethlehem. She feels each crack and rock on the road beneath her and holds herself steady on the donkey at nine months pregnant. On the dusty road, her stomach churns as she considers the census ordered, and the taxes she and Joseph will have to pay before the birth of their baby. Finally, Mary and Joseph arrive in Bethlehem only to find that there is nowhere to stay. Mary’s heart sinks, and the contractions start. The only place to go is a filthy stable, full of animals, dirt, feces, and hay. The stench is pungent, and the setting is unfit to welcome the King of the universe, but nonetheless, his cries pierce the night.

Perhaps, Mary felt like she had failed Jesus already, as she wrapped him in swaddling clothes and placed him in a manger. To her, the first Christmas must have felt overwhelmingly chaotic.

So, what did it take for Mary to keep her heart light? I wonder if as she looked into Jesus’s little eyes, it caused her to stop, rest, and remember the hope promised through the birth of her son.

During this Christmas season, take some time to stop, rest, and remember the reason you’re celebrating. I hope you’ll find comfort as you navigate the sadness and disappointments that can come from the burdens of this time of year. It’s not always easy, but it’s a good reminder: let your heart be light.

During this Christmas season, take some time to stop, rest, and remember the reason you’re celebrating.