In 2012, when we took our high school leadership idea to Chick-fil-A, we had a lot of vision, but no experience. For many years, I had been insecure about my lack of experience, but the longer I work, the more I realize how my lack of experience was actually an advantage in the early days of my career. Don’t get me wrong —there are many advantages to having experience. Firsthand knowledge comes with an understanding of best practices. You anticipate potential obstacles, and you’re more familiar with the ebb and flow of different work seasons.

Experience is not bad, but often our experience can make us think inside of a box and see things through a narrow lens. On the other hand, not having experience forces you to think about things differently. You naturally think more creatively when you don’t have a bias or an understanding of the way things have always been.

The greatest ideas often come from the people with the most outside experience.

While I have believed this principle to be true, I have never seen it articulated as clearly as a post I recently read by former Chick-fil-A President and COO Jimmy Collins. He said it like this:“

I am glad I did not know.

I am glad no one knew.

When I went to work for Truett Cathy to help him build the Chick-fil-A restaurant chain, I was the third staff employee. None of us knew.

None of us had built or operated or even worked in a restaurant chain. No one had any experience in organizing a franchise system.

Only one of us . . . Truett Cathy . . . had ever worked in any restaurant!

At the time we didn’t think about it, but . . . that was an advantage!

If we had started with experience from another restaurant chain, today Chick-fil-A probably would be like one of the other chicken chains or maybe one of the hamburger chains.

Even more likely, we would have failed like so many other restaurant chains now long gone and forgotten. Because we did not know, we were free to invent and create a restaurant chain that was different from anything else in the industry.”Is your lack of experience holding you back from taking the next step toward something you’ve been dreaming about?

Instead of seeing your lack of experience as a disadvantage, shift your perspective to seeing it as a unique competitive advantage.

What new innovations and ideas could you bring to the table? Decide today that you won’t let inexperience keep you from pursuing something new. The world might need a new approach that comes from your unique perspective.

For parents, it’s buying Christmas presents, getting pictures with Santa, preparing their children for school performances, and trying to please both sides of the family with their holiday plans. For people who work in church ministry, it’s the craziest few weeks of the year. You’re trying to balance your own family life with a slew of special events that need organizing, toy drives that need promoting, and Christmas Eve services that need to be planned and rehearsed.

For people in the business world, it’s year-end deadlines, wrapping up accounting, and trying to close business deals by the end of the year. It’s navigating time off and trying to please your family while also working hard to finish the year well. For students and teachers alike, it’s preparing and studying for exams, completing the final push of extra-curricular activities, and trying to enjoy all of the celebrations in the midst of getting everything done before the break. In each of these scenarios, I could replace the content with “it’s hurry, hurry, hurry.”

If I could summarize the Christmas season in one word, it would be joy. If I were given a second word, it would be hurry.

It’s fun, but it’s rushed. For the last several years, multiple people have told me that I need to read The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. (Obviously, those who know me are trying to tell me something!) The premise is that we need to fight the part of our culture that claims busyness and hurriedness is the best way to live. This hurry affects us more deeply than we realize.

We are discovering that an overwhelmed schedule leads to an underwhelmed soul.

This is hard for me, but I want to learn to be less hurried.

If your life is feeling crazy right, take a breath.

Meditate on the reason you are celebrating.

Enjoy listening to Christmas music and really think about the words you’re hearing.

Take time to get in the kitchen as a family and mess it up making a holiday favorite.

As you purchase gifts, pray for the individuals who will receive them.

Drive more slowly through your neighborhood to admire the lights and decorations on your neighbors’ houses.

Take a deep breath, take in your surroundings, and stop to enjoy the wonder of this season. It doesn’t have to be as hurried.

One of things I will always remember about Thanksgiving is my friend Tyler who used to spend it with us every year. He passed away 5 years ago. For me, Thanksgiving means another year without my friend, another year to cherish his memory, and another year to be grateful for the people who are around our table.

For some of you, Thanksgiving means you’re going home, and home is a good thing. You’ve moved away from your family, and you’re thankful for this opportunity to spend time with them.

For others, Thanksgiving means you’re going home, and home is a sad thing. You’ve tried to escape your family, and now, you’re forced to confront the frustrations that come with being with them for an extended period of time.

For some of you, Thanksgiving is a welcomed break from work before the craziness of the holiday season starts.

For others, it’s the official beginning of your busiest season of work, and you dread working overtime, dealing with rude customers, and constantly restocking items for people to consume.

For some of you, this is your first Thanksgiving with a new spouse or a new baby. Your family is growing, and it’s an opportunity to start new traditions and be thankful for the gifts you’ve been given.

For others, Thanksgiving is the stark reminder that you’re still single or that you don’t have a child in your arms. It’s a reminder of the things you don’t have that you’ve hoped for and prayed for your entire life.

Regardless of what emotions move into our hearts and minds as we approach Thanksgiving,

I wonder what it would be like if we approached this Thanksgiving like it was our last.

Even though that one relative drives you crazy, this might be the last Thanksgiving before they receive a life-altering diagnosis.

Even though you’re ready to have someone by your side, this might be your last Thanksgiving with the freedom of a single person. How would you spend your time differently?

Even though you’re exhausted after Thanksgiving with small children—fixing plates, wiping messy faces, and skipping nap times—one day, your kids will be grown, and things will look different. How can you enjoy this Thanksgiving in the midst of the chaos?

I am not naive enough to pretend that Thanksgiving, or the holiday season, is an enjoyable time for everybody, but what if we knew it was our last time with someone? If we could predict that Thanksgiving would look different next year, would we stop and be a little more thankful?

If I had known one year that it would be Tyler’s last Thanksgiving with our family, I wonder what I might have said to him? Would I have slowed down and been more intentional?

My hope for me, and for you, is that we’ll look at this holiday a little differently and stop to be thankful. You never know when it might be the last time.

“Give thanks in all circumstances…” I Thessalonians 5:18

Mike has a helpful and engaging podcast called Linch with a Leader, and on it he interviews different individuals about spiritual leadership, or as he would say, “how to lead with your faith out in front.” He recently shared an interview with leadership coach Karyn Gordon where he talked with her about her new book, The Three Chairs. (I’m going to simplify and summarize, but I’d recommend diving in to learn more). Karyn argues that there are three different types of leaders, represented by the three chairs: insecure leaders, arrogant leaders, and confident leaders. You can probably guess what kind of leader you should strive to be, but what I found most fascinating about this concept are the similarities between insecure and arrogant leaders.

Though insecure leaders and arrogant leaders are on opposite ends of the spectrum, both struggle with self-absorption. As C.S. Lewis famously said,

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”

An insecure leader is so focused on their own performance that they will act inferior to avoid letting themselves down. They will also play a self-deprecating monologue in their minds because they are obsessed with putting themselves down.

An arrogant leader is so worried about how they are seen by certain people that they will often put others down and put on an air of superiority around the people they want to impress. In reality, they mask their own insecurity with arrogance because they are so internally focused that their vanity blinds them from being an effective leader.

We most need leaders in that middle chair.

We need confident, humble leaders. These are leaders who think of others before themselves. They are concerned with lifting others up through encouragement and support. They are able to receive criticism well because they desire to improve and are more worried about being the best version of themselves for the good of others than for their own praise.

We need confident, humble leaders. These are leaders who think of others before themselves.

We need to be honest: at different points, most of us sit in all three of these chairs.

When we find ourselves on either end of this spectrum, how can we move toward the middle? The answer is simple, but it isn’t easy: Strive for confident humility. Look outward by counting others more significant than yourself and by diligently working toward the work set in front of you.

These are the types of leaders worth following, and the types of leaders we should each strive to be.

When someone thinks (and acts) like an owner, they take full responsibility for a job.

This person takes pride in the work they are doing, they understand that their role matters, and they take it seriously. If you’re a leader, it’s a dream to have people like this on your team! And we all know that an ownership approach is far better than the alternative: apathy.

No one wants to work with an apathetic individual. You know the type: the cashier at the fast food restaurant who is taking your order but seems like they might fall asleep before you reach the end of your sentence. They don’t care about you, and they certainly don’t care about getting your order correct. They take no pride in their work because their mind and heart are elsewhere.

So given the choice between ownership and apathy, ownership is far better. However, ownership can be taken to the extreme. Have you ever witnessed someone who takes so much ownership of their role that it becomes a problem?

The ownership mentality becomes a possessive mentality.

Not only do they bristle at negative feedback, but they also stiff-arm anyone else who wants to help with the work they are doing. In owning their role, they firmly believe they are the best (and only) person for this particular job.

Imagine the woman who has volunteered at the food bank for decades. She has a clear vision for how the different items should be organized in the warehouse and she has personally spear-headed this project from the first day she volunteered. She has a tender heart for the people she is serving and loves being a part of something bigger than herself.

However, as the organization has grown and more food is coming into the warehouse than ever before, her system is no longer working. Other volunteers have offered suggestions for how to reorganize the warehouse and maximize their space, but she won’t listen to them. She stubbornly believes her way is the only way. Her pride and ownership of her role is hindering the organization’s productivity. Ultimately, she’s hurting the people she is working so hard to serve.

Ownership can be taken to an unhealthy extreme. And if we’re being honest, each of us can be susceptible to this. The more invested you are in your work, in a project, in an organization, or even in a person, the more tempted you are to control it. The biggest problem with an ownership mentality is that it starts with good intentions, but if it is held too tightly, it goes too far. That’s why I’d like to propose a third option: stewardship.

Take a look at the diagram below.

Some may say that I’m splitting hairs over semantics, but I believe that words matter. On the spectrum, stewardship is not far from an ownership mentality. In fact, most of the time it will look and feel like ownership. However, a steward sees their given role as a gift to be used for the good of others. Good stewards are not possessive of the work they are given, but instead cultivate it well for a cause bigger than themselves.

Good stewards are not possessive of the work they are given, but instead cultivate it well for a cause bigger than themselves.

And the best part, we don’t have to “act” like a steward, because we are stewards—each of us. From the owner to the manager to the entry-level employee, we each have a role to steward, and my hope is that we steward it well.

This summer I spoke to a large educator audience where many teachers lined up afterward to speak with me and purchase books. One teacher came up to me and said, “I really didn’t want to buy a book, but I’m going to anyway.”

Whoa. Should I be offended? Encouraged? I wasn’t even sure exactly what she meant, but I knew I really liked this lady’s honesty. Later that week she recorded a video and emailed it to me. In the video, she further explained her thinking and her comments that day. Here’s an excerpt of what she said:

“Internally I thought I didn’t want to buy this book. I loved your talk, but the line is long, and I was sure you didn’t need my money. This would be a waste.”

But something stopped her in her tracks, and she said she felt convicted by this thought:

“Sow where you want to grow.”

She said that this statement compelled her to get in line even though she didn’t really want to. Her belief was that reading my book would be investing in herself both personally and professionally. Additionally, she said that I had added value to her that day during my speech, so she wanted to add value and sow into the work I’m doing and the message I am sharing. She was compelled to sow where she wanted to grow.

I’m so grateful that she sent me this video. Her candor is inspiring, and her simple message has made me think about the areas I am investing in in my own life. She challenged me, and now I’m challenging you: Sow where you want to grow. Decide where you want to get better and invest in those areas.

Decide where you want to get better and invest in those areas.

If you want to grow as a leader, sow into your personal development.If you want to grow into your faith, sow into reading Scripture and prayer.

If you want to grow as a parent, find someone ahead of you in parenting who you respect and ask them to mentor you.

If you want to grow in healthy habits, sow into your eating and exercise regimen.

If you want to grow as a reader, sow into your time reading a variety of different books.

If you want to grow as a friend, sow into your relationships by carving out intentional time with the people you care about.

If you want to grow as a communicator, sow into your communication skills by taking a class or receiving feedback from other communicators you admire.

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Here’s the point: Be intentional about where you want to get better

You have areas you want to develop, and it’s time to move these desires into actionable results.

I recently heard this quote at a retreat I attended, and it’s caused me to truly consider the concept. First of all, corrosion happens when one thing encounters another thing that makes it deteriorate. For example, when metal encounters continuous moisture, it’s likely to rust and change shape. Water isn’t bad, but when moisture causes the hub of a bicycle wheel to warp, the wheel won’t turn properly, and it won’t be safe to ride. The same is true when you consider the ways an over-exposure of wealth, power, or fame can affect a person. It can warp a person’s perspective of themselves and the world around them, and ultimately render them not only useless, but harmful to themselves and the people closest to them.

Wealth isn’t inherently bad. But, if we live to acquire wealth, we will compare everything we own with the latest fashion, technology, cars, houses, and other things our friends have—and we can’t stand it until our things are newer than theirs. Even when we get what we want, the joy quickly fades because we worry that someone, somewhere has something better.

Power alone isn’t evil. However, a relentless pursuit of power causes us to insist on always being one up. People will feel used (and often abused). We may be charming one minute but intimidating the next—whatever works to beat the competition.

If we live to acquire fame, we’ll stay up late at night mentally replaying conversations to think what we might have said differently to impress people more (or avoid looking stupid). We are chameleons, changing our words and behavior to please whoever is in front of us.

If we’re being honest, we all desire wealth, power, and fame to different degrees. Kept in check, you can prevent corrosion, be a blessing, and have a positive influence on others.

However, loving wealth, power, or fame quickly turns us sour.

If we live to acquire them, they will eat away at our lives. I wish I had a solid checklist of things to do to avoid the corrosive powers of wealth, power, and fame. However, the struggle is so personal, that it varies from person to person.

Here’s a good way to keep yourself in check:

When you find thoughts of wealth, power, and fame consuming your attention, you should be on guard that corrosion might be taking place.

She was simply asking if I had finished one task, but to me, she might as well have said, “Well, were you productive at all this weekend?” I received her question as an accusation, and I turned our conversation about a task into some real relational conflict.

This exchange reminded me of a section in Adam Grant’s book Think Again. In it, he challenges his readers to reconsider their own opinions and thoughts on all types of things—including conflict. Grant explains that there are two types of conflict that we often confuse: relational conflict and task conflict.

Relational conflict is about the people at odds. It is friction caused by a desire from one or both parties to be right, and it’s often a conflict that’s difficult, multi-layered, and complicated. On the other hand, task conflict is about a specific problem or situation. This type of conflict can be solved more easily and often produces a positive result. Task conflict is a catalyst for gleaning new insights and an opportunity for innovation.

The problem comes when we mistake a task conflict for a relational conflict.

This often happens in the workplace. For example, you’ve been working diligently, putting in extra hours to prepare for an important presentation for a potential new client. But when you present your work to your boss, all she does is give you a list of what needs to be changed and improved, failing to acknowledge the amount of work you’ve put into it thus far. You immediately assume she is making a comment about the quality of your work and your value to the organization. In reality, she’s really focused on ensuring this project is the best it can be for everyone’s good. It’s not personal, but you take it personally. You mistake a task conflict for a relational conflict.

The same is true in our personal lives. Maybe you’ve put a lot of work into establishing an evening routine for your children, but as your kids have gotten older, your spouse is noticing some gaps and suggests it’s time to change a few things to fit their current stage. You disagree because you believe consistency helps everyone go to bed faster and sleep better at night. You also feel like your spouse is failing to recognize the amount of thought and work you put into thinking through the kids’ routines throughout the day. This task conflict is making you feel undervalued, so you turn it into a relational conflict.

I’m sure you can think of examples of this kind of conflict in your own life. It happens all the time and most often with the things that require a lot of our time and energy. The more invested we are in something the more likely we are to take it personally when it is criticized. We need to remember that it’s about the task being discussed—it’s not about us. If we can learn to receive criticism well, we can agree or disagree with it in a way that leads to productive task conflict. We can work with the people in our lives to make things better than the way they started.

The more invested we are in something the more likely we are to take it personally when it is criticized.

Here’s my reminder to each of us: There are different types of conflict. Both are very real, and both need to be solved. But we should pause before taking any criticism personally. The next time you are tempted to turn a task conflict into a relational conflict, remind yourself that it’s not always personal.

But at our ADDO team retreat last month, I learned a new equation that I appreciated. Dr. Melenie Lankau took time out of her busy schedule to drive to Athens to speak to our team. She was the advisor for UGA HEROs (the charity I worked closely with in college), helped influence and impact the study abroad program we created, was an associate dean at Wake Forest University, and is now a leader at Chick-fil-A, Inc. I have known her personally for 15 years, and I’m so grateful she came to our retreat to speak to our team.

She started her talk like this: “I am here because of transitive property. I have a long history and connection with Kevin, Garrett, and Jackie, and I care about them and what they do. Because I care about them and what they do, and because they care about the rest of the ADDO team, I care about what you do.” She then went on to explain the transfer principle in math, or you may have learned it as the transitive property in school.

If A=B, and B=C, then A=C.

In other words, Dr. Lankau cares about me, Garrett and Jackie, we care about our team, so she cares about our team.

Dr. Lankau unpacked for us the importance of relational equity as we work to inspire people today to impact tomorrow. She was willing to come and invest in our team because of the relational equity Garrett, Jackie, and I have made with her over the years. She genuinely cares for the success of each person on our team because she cares about our success.

Dr. Lankau’s message reminded me of the many people in my own life who have extended transitive property for my good. There are people who have loved me, believed me, and stood in the gap to help me and the people I am leading succeed. For example, Coach Vince Dooley believed in Garrett and me, so when we asked him to join our study abroad program with students in Africa and Europe, he was willing to do it. Later, when we asked him to be involved with our first ADDO Gathering, he didn’t hesitate. Coach Dooley believed in me, and I believed in something, so he believed in that thing too. Consider how you’ve experienced this principle in your own journey. Has someone’s belief in others led to their belief in you? Or has someone’s belief in you translated to an impact in other areas?

Consider the people in your life who have endorsed, advocated for, and made a transfer of property for you and your work. If you’re able, thank them for it!

While many things have changed in our world, relational equity still matters, and it matters a lot.

Then pay it forward. Think about someone you care about so deeply that you are willing to care about (and support) the things they care about, as well.