Hear me out: I’m often frustrated when people peddle new age philosophies and obsess over the power of positive thinking.

There are devout followers of this concept, brainwashed to believe it because they’ve read a book like The Secret, listened to a charismatic talk show host praise it, or encountered a self-help “expert” who sells this idea that “if you just think it, it will happen.”

They believe: If you focus on what you want, you can will it into existence. If you have problems in your life, it’s because you’re not thinking rightly about them. People who say things like this are lying. You can have all of the right thoughts in the world, and sometimes, your life is going to suck. Even if you are the most positive person on the planet, you can still lose your job, your family member can still suffer from a terminal illness, you can still have a strained relationship, and you can still face financial hardship.

For the most part, the power of positive thinking is intellectually dishonest, flawed, and destructive.

But on the other hand, some people run to the opposite extreme and say, “My thinking doesn’t matter at all.” This perpetual chip on my shoulder doesn’t have any negative repercussions. This is also false.

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” –Proverbs 23:7

Both of these things can be true at the same time:

1. Positive thinking does not mean your life will always be positive.

2. Negative thinking is certain to have negative consequences.

Viktor Frankl was a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist who endured great pain and tragedy throughout his life. He is famous for saying this: “The last of the human freedoms: to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances.” Frankl knew what it feels like to be without freedom, but he claimed that even in the most dire circumstances, we have the power to choose our attitudes.

So will our thoughts always change our outcomes? No.

Do those thoughts still matter? Absolutely.

Thinking positively won’t necessarily make your life better. It won’t magically change your circumstances. But thinking negatively will definitely make your life worse.

I'm deciding that today is a good day to have a good day.

So I'm deciding that today is a good day to have a good day. That doesn’t guarantee it’s going to be great, but it’s far better than the alternative.

I honestly enjoy receiving all kinds of input. It could be encouragement that what I have written has impacted you in a positive way. Or it could be a helpful criticism, letting me know that I’ve missed the mark about something that matters to you.

A couple months ago, I received one of the most thoughtful responses from a good friend, Marcia Shurley to the Words Matter blog post. The emphasis of the blog was to choose our words wisely. In her response, she narrowed in on one phrase she worked to eradicate from her home:

“I’m busy.”

And I believe the idea to be so powerful that it warrants its own post. Here’s what she had to say about it:

“When the kids were all in middle school and high school, life amped up significantly for everyone. Academics increased, volunteer opportunities became more plentiful, social engagements skyrocketed, sports and recreation commitments were all over the map. Now, how does that relate to ‘words matter’?

Well, for me it was a simple, four-letter word: BUSY.

It became the most negative word in my day-to-day life with the kids, not my saying it, but their saying it: ‘I’m busy; I’ll call you back later,’ ‘I’m busy; can I do that chore later?’, ‘I’m busy; can we talk later?’, ‘I’m busy; I’ll eat later.’

Now, I fully understood the challenges I saw unfolding right before my very eyes. I knew the pressures were mounting in their lives, especially in this often unrealistic world of being, striving, feeling like everything has to be perfect, but the word ‘busy’ just hit me hard one day, so I had a conversation with each of my children individually and asked them to try to eradicate the word ‘busy’ from their conversations with, not only me, but others.”

If I were to search the word “busy” in my email inbox right now, hundreds—if not thousands—of messages would pop up. Not just from others, but from me. When people ask us how we’re doing, instead of the traditional “I’m good” or “I’m fine,” we’ve started to say “I’m busy.” Marcia’s exhortation to her family is one we all desperately need today. In our fast-paced culture, we like to wear busyness as a badge of honor. We feel overwhelmed, our schedules are slammed, and we feel like we need to tell everyone.

Don't believe the lie that a full plate equals a full life.

Being busy is not a badge of honor. So I am going to challenge you and me to take it out of our vocabulary.

Try to answer these questions for yourself and think about why you use this word in the first place:

• Do you say you’re busy because you’re being lazy with your words?
• Do you say you’re busy to impress others or to avoid sharing details?
• Or are you truly overwhelmed, underwater, and stressed to the max, but you try to downplay it by simply saying you’re busy?

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If you responded yes to any of these questions, you know firsthand that busyness is not a positive part of your life. You may simply need to intentionally use different words and trust that the work you do is meaningful. But for some of you, the only way you’ll be able to remove the word busyness from your vocabulary is to actually work to be less busy. I know that’s not easy, but we need to frequently evaluate what’s on our plates and make some big changes.

Let’s stop pretending like busyness is a badge of honor and work to encourage one another in the things that matter.

Recently we’ve been reminded of the prevalence of racism. I know I’ve been spending more time listening and learning from my black friends.

On the health front, as our world confronted COVID, we’ve grown accustomed to social distancing and wearing masks in public. We’ve watched our calendars be upended by cancelled gatherings, events, and trips.

In more ways than we can count, our world is continuing to change.

When it comes to our jobs, the way we work has changed and may never be the same. If you’re like me, you’ve worked remotely for most of this season, but some of you may have had to go into your workplaces and figure out a new normal, implementing the CDC’s guidelines. In either case, we’ve had to change our methods without changing our mission. We’ve had to pivot in order to keep moving forward.

We have to change our methods without changing our mission. We have to pivot in order to keep moving forward.

How have you adapted in this time?

I hope you’re finding new ways to serve your customers, to grow your organization, and to encourage the people you lead.

In my world, speaking engagements and in-person leadership training came to a screeching halt. I have been so proud of how our team at ADDO has strategically pivoted during this season by creating two new courses for growing leaders. And to the people who receive this blog every week—I want you to be the first to have access to these new projects.

Take a look at the information below, and please let us know if you’d like more information.

In the meantime, the world needs what you have to offer, so keep innovating and finding new ways to serve the people around you.

Our 8 Essential Exchanges course helps leaders identify the clear exchanges that often confront us and provides insight on what we have to give up to have a profound impact. This course is uniquely helpful for developing young leaders individually and professionally.

The Lens course is designed to help leaders change the way they see their roles, their relationships, and quite possibly the rest of their lives as they make strategic shifts in perspective across nine areas of leadership. This course is perfect for established or growing leaders in a business context.

Each course includes access to a digital platform containing engaging video lessons, activities, and resources, as well as hard copies of the book and interactive facilitator and participant guides. All of these materials work well for in person or virtual meetings.

For more information on these courses, click one of the links below:

8 Essential Exchanges

The Lens

When I set out to write a blog, I wondered if I would have the discipline to keep up with it for a few months, or even a year. But here we are—almost four years and 200 posts later. To be honest when I look back over the posts some are really insightful, others are unremarkable, and there are quite a few that land somewhere in between.

I have learned so much from the process of writing each week, and I’ve truly enjoyed doing it. But it’s not always easy. Sometimes, I sit down with Marjorie, and we’re planned out six weeks in advance because I have so many ideas I’m excited to talk about. Other times, I struggle to think of anything worth saying, and it’s truly a grind to come up with a post for the next day. As much as I desire for these posts to add value to you, I know that what I get out of this process is beneficial to me.

The process of writing is not always fun or easy, but it’s good.

In honor of my 200th blog, I’d like to revisit the message I shared in the very first one. It’s as true today as it was then.

I love the principle contained in Proverbs 14:4: “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.”

This passage contrasts two different farms. The first one has no oxen to plow the fields or to turn the grinding wheel. The manger, or eating trough, is clean because the farmer doesn’t have any animals to feed, and the barn is pristine because he doesn’t have any manure to shovel (200 posts ago I called it poop, but let me just be real with you, we’re talking about crap). The farm is clean, but it’s also unproductive.

On the second farm, the farmer uses the power of an ox to plant and harvest “abundant crops,” but there’s a cost: he has to lug feed to the trough for his oxen and shovel the crap out of the barn. So here is the inherent question the writer asks: Are the farmer’s profits worth the labor expended to use the strength of the oxen? The implied answer is yes. The growth is worth it.

If you’re working to grow, I want to help you change your perspective of the junk that you’re dealing with and realize that it is a side-effect of a good thing. On a farm, the crap you are shoveling may be hard and frustrating work, but it is because animals are working on your farm to help you plant and yield a bigger harvest.

The biggest frustrations and problems we walk through in one season are the ones that help us grow as leaders, as spouses, and as friends in future seasons.

And in the same way that the crap on the farm becomes fertilizer down the road, the crap in one season becomes a catalyst for growth in another season. The reminder for you and me? The biggest frustrations and problems we walk through in one season are the ones that help us grow as leaders, as spouses, and as friends in future seasons.

If you missed it, the story is about a pouty fish whose perspective is changed by the love of a friend. Once he sees his “pout” in a new way, it changes the way he lives his life. Isn’t it interesting that it’s often the simplest lessons that have the greatest impact on our lives? Robert Fulghum certainly thought so when he wrote his #1 New York Times bestseller All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. In it, he explains how those simple lessons from the sandpile at school are still valuable down the road.

In kindergarten, you learn to share everything, to play fair, not to hit people, to clean up your messes, to say you're sorry, and to enjoy a balanced day of work and play. Fulghum dives into many more, but even from this short list, you could see how each one could be extrapolated and applied to our adult lives.

Another simple idea I’ve found helpful in my own life is the concept of the dipper and the bucket. Donald Clifton and Tom Rath, experts in psychology, explain in their book that everyone has an invisible bucket and dipper. You can pour into someone’s bucket by saying or doing things that build them up. Or you can take from somebody’s bucket by saying or doing things that tear them down. The same is true for your own bucket.

People can pour into or take from your bucket, so the health of your relationships can impact every area of your life.

There is a reason these experts chose to unpack the importance of human relationships with the most elementary image. (In fact, it’s so elementary they wrote their own children’s book about it!)

As we grow older, it’s easy to think we need to move beyond these elementary ideas. But we should take care to remember this: Simple ideas are easier to understand. Ideas that are easier to understand are repeated. Ideas that are repeated change the world.

Simple ideas are easier to understand. Ideas that are easier to understand are repeated. Ideas that are repeated change the world.

Whether it’s a pouty fish, a book about kindergarten, or a simple illustration about a dipper and a bucket, we are reminded of the power of simplicity. As Albert Einstein said, “The definition of genius is taking the complex and making it simple.”

My hope is that you and I will never stop learning from the simple lessons that come our way as adults.

And by a lot of books I mean that, in a given week, I read the same two or three books countless times. He’s almost two years old, so you can imagine what these books are like. Some have silly rhymes, others have crazy characters, and a few are honestly . . . downright terrible.

But many of them, though written and illustrated for young children, contain deeper truths that apply to people of every age and stage of life.

George’s favorite book right now is The Pout-Pout Fish by Deborah Diesen. At this point, I have two groups of people reading this blog post:

Group one has never heard of this book and wonders where the heck I’m going with this; and group two immediately begins saying in their heads: “I’m a pout-pout fish with a pout-pout face, and I spread my dreary wearies all over the place.”

If you find yourself in the first category, let me catch you up to speed. The Pout-Pout Fish is a book about a pouty fish whose negativity is contagious, so he spreads his “dreary wearies” to other sea creatures like Mr. Jellyfish, Ms. Clam, and Ms. Squid. At the end of the book, another fish comes along who simply gives him a kiss and then swims away. The kiss changes his perspective of his “pout,” and he realizes he too can spread love to his friends.

It’s a simple, silly story in many ways, but the final message is just as applicable to me as it is to my two-year-old son. One interaction in one moment can forever change our perspective of ourselves. And a shift in our perspective could change the course of our lives. As we’ve repeated before, the way we view things changes how we do things.

One interaction in one moment can forever change our perspective of ourselves. And a shift in our perspective could change the course of our lives.

This is true for the fish in a children’s book, but it’s also true for the middle-aged CEO, the student in school, the frazzled new parent, and the retired empty nester. The great news for us is that we can be multiple people in this story. Each of us has the potential to help a friend, a family member, or a co-worker see themselves or their circumstances in a different way. At the same time, we also have the chance to have an interaction or an experience that changes our own perspective.

Consider this week how you’re helping yourself and the people around you to see through a new lens.

When you change your perspective, you can change your life.

From the elementary school playground to the break room, we all want to feel like we belong, like we’re approved, and like we’re doing the right thing. This desire is not bad. In order to lead, you need at least some level of acceptance. I’ve heard it said this way, “If you think you’re leading, and no one is following you, then you’re just taking a walk.”

So acceptance isn’t bad. However, when we focus on pursuing the acceptance of others we can often be distracted from fulfilling our purpose. Instead of focusing on our goals, we focus on winning the affirmation of other people.

And we do this in two negative ways.

1. We flatter:

We tell people what they want to hear. We tickle their ego, so they will like us. And we shy away from saying the hard things that need to be said. Not only does this produce weak relationships, but an unwillingness to have difficult conversations can drastically decrease the impact and productivity of a team.

2. We don’t try our hardest:

Unfortunately, we live in a world that shames success, so we try to do the same amount of work as everyone else to fit in. Not sure what I mean? In high school, kids often tease the straight A students for studying all the time or give athletes a hard time for spending extra time at practice. What about in the working world? I’m sure there is someone on your team (it may be you!) who always goes the extra mile. This person might come in early or stay late to do excellent work, but others say they are too focused on their job. I certainly believe in the value of work/life balance, but many times we (consciously or subconsciously) resent people who work harder than we do.

Each of us need to make this essential exchange:

Give up acceptance when it stands in the way of accomplishment.

The world needs you to fulfill your calling, achieve your goals, and make your purpose come true.

But this exchange comes at a cost. You must have the courage to resist the gravitational pull of compromise and conformity.

Jim Hightower says it this way:

“The opposite of courage is not cowardice; it’s conformity.” –Jim Hightower

In what areas of your life do you need to exchange acceptance for accomplishment? How do you need to step out, and even stand out, to fulfill your calling and make the greatest impact?

Marianne Williamson’s famous words help unpack this principle: “You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.”

The good you can do for the world is bigger than yourself, so use your gifts and work hard to achieve your goals—no matter how many critics discourage you along the way. In the process, you may even find that you’re beginning to be accepted by the right people, which is infinitely more valuable than being accepted by everyone.

And for leaders, this tendency is a unique challenge. Sure, some of us feel this pull far more than others. Those of us who are applause-aholics and people pleasers yearn for affirmation and adoration. We want people to tell us we’ve done a good job. This isn’t always a bad thing. A word of encouragement may be the fuel you need to press on through difficult circumstances. But the leaders who are most significant spend their time working to inspire and impact people—rather than simply trying to impress them.

The leaders who are most significant spend their time working to inspire and impact people—rather than simply trying to impress them.

The American politician Aldai Stephenson, known for his oratory skill, unpacked this concept by comparing two ancient philosophers:

“Do you remember that in classical times when Cicero had finished speaking, the people said, ‘How well he spoke’ but when Demosthenes had finished speaking, they said, ‘Let us march.’”

Both were great speakers, but Demosthenes moved people to action.

If the end result of your work, of your leadership, and of your life is only applause, you may be successful, but you won’t be significant.

True significance is when your leadership and your example moves others to realize their full potential and to achieve their goals.

It’s why we focus on inspiration at ADDO. Success for our company is not hearing people say that we’re great. Success for us is serving and equipping leaders to accomplish their goals and do what they were made to do.

When you can inspire people to action, you’ll have a far greater impactful on the world around you. If the people you lead simply admire you, you don’t accomplish much other than stroking your own ego. But if your leadership empowers other people to lead on their own, you’re paving the way to lasting impact.

In Rice University’s 1998 commencement address, Vonnegut shared a story about what he learned from Heller and repeated it after Heller’s death in an article in the New Yorker. Here is what he wrote:

Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer now dead, and I were at a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island.

I said, “Joe, how does it make you feel to know that our host only yesterday may have made more money than your novel Catch-22 has earned in its entire history?”

And Joe said, “I’ve got something he can never have.”

And I said, “What on earth could that be, Joe?”

And Joe said, “The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”

Heller is the exception. Most people never get enough. They are more like John D. Rockefeller, the founder and president of Standard Oil. In his day, he was the richest man in the world, and when asked, “Mr. Rockefeller, how much money is enough money?” He replied, “Just a little bit more.”

Wealth, fame, beauty, and power are all moving targets. Because at the end of the day, somebody will always have more. Sure, it feels good when we get the big pay raise, gain more followers, reach our fitness goal, or earn the promotion. But only for a short while. These things quickly lose their luster, and we’re back to the ladder, reaching for the next rung.

Making and reaching goals is not a bad thing—but a lack of contentment is.

Though we’d never admit it, many of us buy the lie that acquiring more will someday bring true fulfillment. But it can’t. It won’t. And if we keep chasing it, we’ll run out of steam. We won’t have anything left to pursue what satisfies.

Many of us buy the lie that acquiring more will someday bring true fulfillment. But it can’t. It won’t.

My challenge to you this week is to answer this question honestly:

Are you chasing a moving target? The executive position, a certain figure salary, the nicest clothes, the bigger house, the next degree, the luxury car? Set your eyes on a fixed target—one that doesn’t fade. And spend your life chasing a purpose that leads to true and lasting fulfillment.