Almost 10 years ago, in the spring of 2009, I was working with an organization taking college students on leadership and service programs abroad. Recently, I wrote a blog post about a message I gave at the end of one of these trips. Thinking back to those trips reminded me of one of the most impactful experiences from that season of my life.

On this specific trip, we took a group of students to South Africa and brought in speakers to teach—Vince Dooley, legendary UGA football coach and member of the College Football Hall of Fame, and his wife Barbara. All of the students were especially excited to hear Coach Dooley speak because of his reputation—rightly so, he delivered a powerful message about teamwork! When his wife Barbara spoke, she engaged us in a very personal way. Her message applied to both leadership and to everyday life. With an uncanny humor that is unique to Barbara, she recounted her battle with breast cancer, explaining the ten best things about this disease (you read that correctly, her talk was about the best things about cancer).

Barbara is married to an incredibly successful man, she’s the mother of four children, her family is like royalty in the Georgia Bulldog community, she’s maintained her own successful career in real estate, and she’s lived a life that many would love to have. This is why it was so impactful to hear her work through her list and say that cancer taught her this important lesson: if money can fix it, it’s not a real problem.

"If money can fix it, it’s not a real problem." - Barbara Dooley

I realize that some of you may read that statement and feel discouraged. Maybe you’ve lost your job or don’t know how you're going to pay your bills this month. I certainly don’t want to minimize the stress you’re feeling, but I do want us all to seek a proper perspective of the problems we face. How many times during the week do we hit the panic button?

We run around like the sky is falling because the meeting didn’t go our way, we didn’t land the big client, we didn’t meet our quarter one goal, or we couldn’t complete the project on time. Barbara explained that before her diagnosis, so many of the things she viewed as problems were of a physical or material nature—they were things that could be resolved with money or things that wouldn’t matter down the road. But when she got the cancer diagnosis, or when your family member is battling severe mental illness, or when your relationship with your spouse feels irreparable, or when you experience another issue that no amount of money, connections, or influence can solve, that’s when you have a real problem.

My hope is that this blog serves as a reminder to all of us to take a deep breath and realize that the things we’re facing that seem insurmountable or all-consuming may actually be very small if viewed through the proper lens. It’s not that our problems don’t matter, but when we put them next to something bigger, they become less of a burden.

I also want to offer encouragement to those of you who are facing a real problem. Just like Barbara, you have a different perspective than most of the people around you, and your outlook on life allows you to see things for what they are. You’re able to keep the big things big and the small things small, embracing what’s most important.

Whether you’re walking through a real problem or putting out the fires of daily life, I hope you’ll endeavor to see each issue for what it is and come alongside the people God has placed in your life, caring for them and encouraging them to do the same.

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A few weeks ago, I went with an ADDO team member to one of our Chick-fil-A Leader Labs (a part of Chick-fil-A Leader Academy), and this meeting was the students’ last one of the school year. They spent their time sharing highlights from the program, and most of them told stories about specific activities that made them think about the kind of legacy they want to leave when they are gone.

In the program, we ask students to write a statement about what they would like to do while they are alive and challenge them to set goals to get there. We also have them participate in the Dash Project. When you die, there will be two dates on your gravestone—the day you were born and the day you die. And in between those dates, there’s a dash. Your life isn’t measured by these dates; it’s measured by your dash. That’s your time.

Here’s the truth: The things that we are talking to these students about might seem idealistic and fluffy, especially to those of us who are in the daily grind of our adult lives. It feels easy for a high schooler to dream about the future. But try being a thirty-something man, married with three kids. What does he want to do with his life? Pay the bills this month, keep his kids alive, and try to get six hours of sleep at night.

The day after listening to these students reflect on what they want to be said about them after they die, I officiated my first funeral for my great-uncle. One of the things you have to do before speaking at a funeral is reach out to the family who knows the person best. I spoke to his kids, his grandkids, and his great-grandkids, and as I listened to stories and comments made about my great-uncle, it made me come face to face with my own mortality.

If I were gone, what would people say about me?

You know those “fluffy” or “idealistic” questions we are asking those high schoolers? Those questions matter. The answers matter even more.

If we’re not careful, we’ll spend our lives just getting by and miss our opportunity to make a profound impact on the people around us.

This week, I am challenging you to think about how the people closest to you would sum up your life. If you died today, what would they say about you?

Take some time to write down what you think they’d say. If those words aren’t what you want them to be, decide right now how you would change them and go live your life intentionally to make that possible.

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Have you ever said something and immediately regretted it?

The scenario goes something like this. I’m talking with a friend, and our conversation turns to some verbal sparring. We’re poking fun at one another, our comments layered thick with sarcasm. It feels fun and harmless. But then it happens. I say something I really wish I didn’t. It was just a little too biting, and I took it one step too far. It feels like I’m watching the words physically leave my mouth, and all I want to do is grab them in the air and take them back before they reach my friend’s ears.

The comment contains a little too much truth. It hits a nerve. I can see it on my friend’s face. And I’m caught in an awkward situation. Do I laugh it off and pretend it didn’t happen? Do I apologize and draw even more attention to it? Or do I turn around and try to say something self-deprecating to change the subject and try to make myself feel better?

Although I’m a professional speaker, I can be a very poor communicator to the people I care about most. And I know I’m not the only one. There is a reason there are so many Proverbs about the importance of our words.

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” - Proverbs 10:18

“Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” - Proverbs 17:28

And the one that immediately comes to mind for me is Proverbs 18:21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Actions speak louder than words, but our words are powerful nonetheless.

They have the power to build up, to affirm, and to encourage. But they also have the power to tear down, to belittle, and to manipulate.

My charge to us today is simple: watch your words—especially if you’re like me and your words often flow freely.

Most of us could benefit from speaking less and listening more. It’s always helpful to choose your words more carefully and consider how they will affect the person in front of you.

Watching your words is a way to care for the people around you at home, at work, at church, and in your community. Choose your words wisely this week and use them to make a positive impact.

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Two weeks ago, at 9:45 p.m. on a Tuesday night, my phone rang.

I answered it and got the news that Miss Annie had passed away.

When I was five years old, I was in a Sunday School class taught by two women named Annie Ledford and Pearl Hutson. Of course at the time, I didn’t know their last names. They were Miss Annie and Miss Pearl to me. In my five-year-old mind, they felt at least 100 years old way back then. I had a number of incredible teachers, both in school and church, throughout my childhood. And these two ladies really stand out in my memory.

Part of the reason might be that they taught a class of boys and girls. But really of the eight kids in the class, seven were boys, and at least six of us had undiagnosed ADD. These teachers gave their time and energy (and probably some sanity) to teach our challenging class and invest in each of us week after week. They marked my life, so much so that 30 years later, I still remember them. A couple years ago, Miss Pearl passed away, and I found a Bible that both she and Miss Annie had given me. I still have it today, and it reminds me of the enormous impact they had on my life.

Miss Annie and Miss Pearl shaped my life, and now, it’s my turn to shape the lives of others. Over the next few months, the team I lead at ADDO will launch programs in over a thousand schools that will touch the lives of students across the country. I will stand before more than a dozen businesses and speak to leaders who represent tens of thousands of employees. And I will come home every night to the joy of investing in my family—my wife Laura and our son George.

It’s an honor to get to be a part of things that have the potential to touch so many lives. However, I can’t help but think that because of Miss Annie and Miss Pearl’s investment in my life 30 years ago, they get to be a part of this impact too. Their time on earth has ended, but the seeds they sowed and watered have not been fully harvested yet. What they did during their time is still reaping a harvest that is outliving them.

It makes me ask this question: What am I doing today that will outlive my life?

It probably is not the text messages I’m responding to, the bills that I’m paying, or the things that I spend the most time agonizing over. I have to do those things, but they aren’t the most important part of what I will do.

At the beginning of the movie Gladiator, Maximus leads his men into battle with this charge: “What we do in life echoes in eternity.”

It’s not that your business doesn’t matter, but time with your kids matters more.

It’s not that your bottom line doesn’t matter, but investing in the lives of your team matters more.

It’s not that exercising your body doesn’t matter, but feeding your soul matters more.

It’s not that your to-do list isn’t filled with important tasks, but making the time to sit with a friend really does matter more.

Things that Miss Annie and Miss Pearl did 30 years ago echo now in eternity, and in the same way, we are doing things today that will echo in eternity.

Will our actions today make the kind of impact that will outlive us? I sure hope so.

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Four years ago, I published a book called The Lepers' Lessons with my good friend, mentor, and hero Paulus Wiranto.

I’ve written three books, and to be completely honest with you, this is the book that’s sold the fewest copies. I think there are several reasons for this. Primarily, this is not a business book. Unlike 8 Essential Exchanges and The Lens of Leadership, it doesn’t have the kind of content that readily applies to consulting and coaching business leaders. It’s much easier for me to stand on stage and pick two exchanges or three shifts in perspective when speaking to a group. However, diving into an Old Testament narrative isn’t quite as easy when speaking at a conference of executives or other business leaders.

Nevertheless, The Lepers' Lessons contains important truths and helps individuals answer these five questions:

1. Why am I still alive?
2. Why do I do what I do?
3. Why do I have what I have?
4. Who is going with me?
5. What am I carrying on the journey?

These questions matter. And in this season of spring cleaning—the final question is especially important: What am I carrying on the journey?

In this season, we are challenged to get rid of clothes we don’t wear and clutter we don’t need—or as Marie Kondo would say, anything that doesn’t “spark joy”. In addition to those physical belongings, I want you to think about the other things you really need to let go. What do you have in your life today that you shouldn’t be carrying with you?

Maybe it’s bitterness toward that person that hurt you years ago.

Or the insecurity about a part of your story.

It might be the offense, the loss, or the disappointment.

Maybe it’s a relationship that sucking the life out of you.

Maybe it’s believing a lie about yourself or the One who made you.

Today, it’s time to stop carrying that baggage on your journey.

Let go of the hurt, the habit, the discouragement, the feeling you’re carrying from the failure.

I hope you have the courage today move past your past, to take the next step, and to walk into this new season with a fresh perspective.

If you’ve been encouraged by today’s blog, I think you’d love the rest of The Lepers' Lessons. You can purchase it below or pass it along it your friends.

Buy The Lepers' Lessons

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Let me start by saying this: I think educators, particularly those in public education, are true heroes and have one of the toughest jobs in the world. Our organization, ADDO, currently has programs in more than 1,000 schools in over 40 states across America.

With that being said, I’d like to address an area of education I think we’ve gotten terribly wrong.

A number of years ago, there was a movement dedicated to preparing students for the 21st century job market. Many people felt that education was still operating out of an industrial age, and in turn, curriculum wasn’t giving this generation of students the skills they need to succeed in the modern workplace.

I agree that they identified the right problem, but their proposed solution was wrong. Over the last decade, we’ve seen an overemphasis on STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) with the hope that developing these hard skills would produce the next great technological generation. STEM is not a bad thing, but we have put so much focus on STEM that we’ve neglected many other skills that students need to succeed.

We have put so much focus on STEM that we’ve neglected many other skills that students need to succeed.

A few years ago, the experts decided that the arts are important to developing the whole child (rightfully so) and added “A” for arts to make it STEAM. I believe the arts are very important, but simply adding one additional element into a fatally flawed system shouldn’t make us feel better. Once they agree that physical activity is important, they’ll probably just add an “R” for recess, and we can call it STREAM. Sometimes the experts aren’t that smart.

We are still left with the same problem and a short-sighted solution. If the goal is to equip this generation to succeed at work and in life, these students need more from us.

The Case for Soft Skills

For example, Google did a 15-year study on their highest performing employees. (For those of you who have never used the internet before, Google is a technology company—one of those letters in the STEM acronym.) The results were remarkable. The seven top skills that made them successful were all soft skills like being a good coach, communicating and listening well, possessing insights into others, having empathy, being supportive, and making connections across complex ideas. Before you ever got to any STEM skills, these others were all more valuable to their success.

I don’t even like using the term “soft skills” because these skills aren’t lesser; they are life skills that every single one of us, especially this next generation, desperately need.

I see this as an employer. I want people on my team to be effective communicators, to work collaboratively, and to be problem-solvers.

I see this as a customer. Not only do I want accuracy in business dealings, but I also want to be treated with care.

I see it in our work in education. As we seek to develop leaders from cradle-to-career, there is a desperate need for soft skills. While we are making strides in high school and beyond, it needs to start earlier.

That’s why I’m passionate about a program we created called The Voyage. You can call it leadership development, social/emotional learning, or soft skills, but at its core, we are providing elementary schools an easy-to-implement initiative that gives students tools and resources for life. We are equipping teachers with a program that instills character and helps students cope with anxiety, stress, and the challenges unique to their generation.

When schools implement The Voyage, they are seeing discipline referrals decrease, while engagement and academic performance increases.

STEM is not enough.

I would love your help. If you know a teacher, a counselor, or a principal at an elementary school, would you help us spread the word about this program? If you’re a parent, an active community member, or if you are just passionate about the next generation, I would love for you to share this website and these resources.

I believe The Voyage is a program that our world needs. Would you help us impact the world by telling others about The Voyage?

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At the beginning of our leadership meetings at ADDO, a different person on our team will share a new insight or lesson they are learning. Recently, one of my colleagues stood up to facilitate the session and began talking about this idea of leadership. The information shared was insightful and compelling, but the definition of leadership didn’t sit well with me. I was feeling uncharacteristically adversarial that day and stopped my colleague in the middle of the presentation. I had a visceral reaction to this statement about leadership and had to let my team know that I disagreed. ADDO is a leadership consultancy. But even within our company, it became obvious to me that we haven’t landed on a single definition of leadership.

So...what is leadership?

‍Harvard Business Review defines leadership as the accomplishment of a goal through the direction of human assistants. Merriam-Webster defines leadership as simply the office or position of a leader.

John Maxwell says that “leadership is influence—nothing more and nothing less.” I personally believe Maxwell’s definition is close, but I think there is a little more. Leadership is influence, followed by action.

Leadership is influence, followed by action.

Influence is something that moves people mentally or emotionally. Influence changes their minds and their hearts. But changing someone’s mind isn’t enough if it doesn’t change their actions. True leadership causes people to do something differently. So if this is leadership...who is a leader?

‍Some people say that the term leadership has been overused and watered-down, arguing that if you aren’t actually in a position of authority, you are not a leader. On the other hand, some people say that everyone is a leader.

I believe that everyone is not a leader. However, I believe everyone has the potential to be a leader. If leadership is influence followed by action, then all of us have the potential to influence and to inspire action.

We do this through relational influence. This leadership can happen in positions of authority, but it can also happen in our families, in our friendships, in our churches, and in our communities. When we have meaningful relationships with other people, we have the opportunity to influence and move them to action.

‍Why does it matter?

‍The world is looking for leaders. People need help, and people need hope. Kids need to be educated; hungry people need food; individuals need jobs and opportunities; people need a faith to save and sustain them.  All of these things, from the more mundane to the meaningful, require somebody somewhere to stand up, leverage their influence, and move people to action.

So...what are you waiting for?

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When we think about leadership, a lot of questions come to mind.

Are leaders born or made?

What makes a good leader?

What are the biggest challenges facing leaders today?

In addition to these questions, there are always new trends and movements related to leadership philosophy and practice. There is one trend in particular—that I believe is positive—becoming more and more popular. But like most good things, it can be taken to an unhealthy extreme. The trend is community-driven leadership. As Americans, we have historically been an individualistic society. We are less reliant on other people, and we are pretty proud of that fact. This goes back to our founding principles and pioneering spirit. A capitalist society encourages people to work hard to pave their own way. But over the last several years, there has been a move to recognize the need for others and the value of community. This movement doesn’t knock individualism, but it reminds us that many of the things we seek can be accomplished with, and for, other people. Ultimately, it reminds us that we have a collective responsibility toward one another.

This community-driven culture has flowed into leadership. Leadership is becoming more about the team than the individual, and this philosophy is born out of a truth I believe wholeheartedly: Nothing of significance was ever accomplished without a group. This is 100% true, but here’s my caution: Focusing on your team doesn’t relieve you of your individual responsibility and God-given calling. Remember the bystander effect? Working with a group always comes with the temptation to fade into the background, to expect someone else to pick up the slack, or to wait for another person to lead.

Groups of people create and sustain movements that change the world, but there are always individual key players that act as catalysts to push them forward.

There were a lot of people and events at play, but ultimately, God used Moses to lead the children of Israel out of captivity in Egypt.

Mordecai advised, but ultimately, it was Esther’s role to go before the king. Hundreds of scientists and philosophers sought spotlight in ancient Greece, but Plato and Aristotle’s influence changed the face of education forever.

Many Christians made up the early church, but God specifically used Paul to take the gospel to the Gentiles.

It took thousands of lives to defeat Nazi Germany, but Winston Churchill’s words stirred his country to persevere when he said they would never surrender.

A group led the Civil Rights Movements, but when Rosa Parks refused to move to the back of the bus, it was a catalytic moment that changed that trajectory of America forever.

Countless individuals contributed to the end of the Cold War, but Ronald Reagan's words at the Berlin Wall moved people to action.

A lot of people fought in South Africa, but ultimately, it was Nelson Mandela choosing reconciliation instead of retribution that made the biggest difference.

Thousands of people work for Apple to create, troubleshoot, and sell products, but ultimately, Steve Jobs was the key catalyst for the creation of the iPhone.The group creates change, but often, the individual is the catalyst.

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Today, it’s important to realize that you have a specific calling on your life. There is a plan and purpose for you, and the individual decisions you make and actions you take are significant. As author Andy Andrews said, “When faced with a decision, many people say they are waiting for God. But I understand, in most cases, God is waiting for me.”

Understand the power of community, but don’t use it as a scapegoat to downplay your individual responsibility. Stop making excuses for why you aren’t doing something. Do it. Your individual action combined with the people around you will do something remarkable.

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“The research says…”

In the past, we’ve talked about insights vs. instincts, but I think it’s time for a refresher. We must begin with this understanding: every decision in life can’t be dictated by data and research. I want to pause here to say that I am not anti-research. I am not anti-science. There are times that I rely on insights to make important decisions for my business and personal life. Data can be helpful. It’s nice to know the insights into what time of day people are most likely to open emails and to understand the market research about consumers and the next generation.

But if we start to build our businesses, brands, organizations, and churches solely on research, we end up with more of the same. And the products and people that change the world are the ones that create something different.

The products and people that change the world are the ones that create something different.

Did they have specific research that showed people would love the iPhone even before the money was spent to create it? Is the polling always accurate to show who will win the election? Do the accountants’ data show that being closed on Sundays is good for business? Where was the historical evidence that proved to the Wright Brothers that flying a plane was possible?

Do the predictive analytics have the right team winning the Super Bowl or the World Series each year?

It’s not just about data and research, sometimes the best ideas aren’t battle-tested because they haven’t been done before. Steve Jobs was known to say, “If Henry Ford would have asked people what they wanted, they would’ve said faster horses.”

Often, innovation requires you to think outside the box, rather than relying only on research or data. If you’re making your decisions based on the same information that’s available to everyone else competing with you, your solution isn’t likely to be remarkable.

Here’s the challenge for us this week: let’s think for ourselves.

God has given you a brain. He’s given you instincts. So leverage your unique perspective to create something new or to design a new solution to an old problem. Your impulses and instincts often lead to the greatest changes and opportunities; don’t ignore them!

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