What in the world should I do with my life?

In the work that I am privileged to do, that’s one of the most challenging questions I get.

It’s daunting, both because I feel ill-equipped to answer, and even a little scary to think I might have the power to speak into someone’s life and influence what they do. In the past, I’ve been asked this question primarily by young people—high school students, college students, and young professionals—but now, it’s happening more with seasoned adults who are “successful” by the world’s standards but feel like they should be doing something different.

Unfortunately, this issue is sometimes even more complicated and challenging for Christians that have grown up in the church. We’ve been told that God has a plan for our lives—which is true—but we sometimes feel like it’s this elusive thing that we can’t quite grasp.

Candidly, I don’t have a magic formula to give you to figure out your purpose. However, I have found a successful rubric to help anyone get started. It’s less of a prescription that tells you exactly what to do and more of a lens to look through when you think about a plan for life.

The path to purpose is often found at the intersection of ability, affinity, and opportunity.

‍1. Affinity:

‍What do you enjoy doing? Fifty years ago, nobody would have asked you what you wanted to do; you would have rolled up your sleeves to complete the task at hand. But now, we’re frequently asked, “What are you passionate about?” And I think this is a good thing. I believe that God gives us desires and dreams, so when you’re looking for what to do with your life, your affinity (something that brings you joy) is a great place to start.

‍2. Ability:

‍I think far too many people stop at affinity. I am sick and tired of people telling young students, “Find whatever you want to do, and do it for the rest of your life.” In isolation, that is terrible advice. Some people want to do things that they aren’t good at, and if you have an affinity but lack ability, that should never be a career—it should be a hobby! Affinity is important, but you must couple that with ability to develop talent and pursue a trade.

‍3. Opportunity:

‍This element can be discouraging to people, but it’s the practical reality of the world we live in. It’s not enough that you enjoy something (affinity) and are good at it (ability), but is there an opportunity to put that talent into practice. Said another way, does the world need what you are trying to offer? If you’re in business, is there a need for your passion and skill set? This is especially true within organizations. I find so many professionals who are frustrated in their roles, but their organization doesn’t have an opportunity for them to pursue what they want to do. Rather than resenting your organization, I encourage you to go and find the place that has the opportunity you desire.

If you don’t find opportunity intersecting with your affinity and ability, it’s probably time to move down the list and find something else you can become passionate about and can develop an ability to do. Oftentimes, finding your God-given purpose in life won’t happen with a lightning flash from the sky. But if you’re seeking for what to do next, particularly in your career, this a good place to start. What are the desires God has put in your heart? What are the giftings he’s given you? And what opportunities do you have to step into these two things? Where affinity, ability, and opportunity intersect is where we find ourselves in our element.

For a number of years, I’ve worked in businesses that I’ve helped start. And I have no doubt that in my early days of entrepreneurship, my parents would probably have said the same thing Ted Turner said about his son, “My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job.”

There are exciting things about entrepreneurship, and there are scary things about it. But ultimately, I became an entrepreneur because I believe like John Mackey, CEO of Whole Foods, that “the best way to solve the world’s most pressing problems is to start a company.”

Fortunately, that's the work we get to do every day at ADDO, so I want to talk about three problems our company is solving that I believe other companies can solve as well.

1. Education:

As a business, we get to sell products and services that meet needs, and one area of focus for us is education. Unfortunately in education, people are often forced to choose between something that is effective and something that is affordable. I think for too long those terms have been mutually exclusive, so that’s why we’re creating high-quality products and making them accessible to schools. It's why we created an elementary school program called The Voyage. It’s why we partner with Chick-fil-A to promote high school leadership. We’re trying to change education because education, in many ways, is the great equalizer.

2. Empowerment:

Another way we’re changing the world is through empowerment, and we believe one of the most effective ways to empower people is through job creation. It’s not just the customers you serve and the content you create, but it’s providing opportunities for individuals to support themselves and their families. It’s giving people a chance to do a job that has purpose. I think there are many selfish people working to change the world because they only create ways for themselves to make a difference. It’s important to invite people to join you on the journey, so more people get to play a part in changing lives, and in doing so, they provide for themselves and their families. And as an added bonus, because you put people around you and empower them, your reach is much greater.

3. Equality:

At ADDO, we want to use the programs we create to level the playing-field. We want to give all students opportunities and skills, so they can explore things that may not have previously been available to them. It’s why we believe helping businesses engage and train people early in their careers is critical, because one job could be the difference between someone who spends their career stuck on the lower end of the socio-economic spectrum and someone with the skills necessary to catapult them to a whole new level. Ability is spread equally across society, but opportunity is not. We want to play a pivotal role in providing opportunities for people, and we’re doing this through education and empowerment. By educating people and empowering them, we’re working toward creating equal opportunity for all.

Ability is spread equally across society, but opportunity is not. We want to play a role in providing opportunities for people, and we’re doing this through education and empowerment.

I know a lot of people who are passionate about making a difference, but too few of them see business as a mechanism to do that. Business is not just a way to change the world—I believe it’s the best and most effective way to change the world. If you’re in the business world right now and think you need to quit and join a nonprofit to change the world, you need to think again. You can make a difference in your company. If you have an idea, a burden, or a vision to start something new, what’s holding you back?

Get to work. Start your business. And invite people to join you on your journey to change the world.

I want you to take a journey with me back to your childhood. What was the most ridiculous gift you ever asked for? If you really think about it, you probably remember some pretty outlandish requests. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that 90% of the people reading this asked their parents for a horse at some point, even though you grew up in the city or the suburbs and owning a horse wouldn’t be practical at all.

When we were children, we asked for whatever we desired, regardless of feasibility or cost. However, as we get older, we become more self-aware, so we stop making crazy requests. While that can certainly be a good thing, too often we allow embarrassment or fear to keep us from asking for what would make a huge difference, both for us and others.

One of the greatest lessons that Garrett—my good friend and business partner—has taught me over the years is to not be afraid to ask. When he started a non-profit, he was a 22-year-old recent college graduate and asked the head football coach at the university to join his board. When we started a business together, Garrett wasn’t afraid to ask for the money we needed to get going. When he wrote his most recent book, he asked for endorsements from some of the top celebrities in the world. (Many of them said yes!) I admire his bravado and lack of fear.

For too many people reading this, there is something you have always wanted, and you’ve been too afraid to go for it or ask for it.

I hope this blog will push you out of your comfort zone and challenge you to make the ask.

John D. Rockefeller Jr. challenged this fear when he said, "Never think you need to apologize for asking someone to give to a worthy cause, any more than as though you were giving him or her an opportunity to participate in a high-grade investment. The duty of giving is as much his or hers as is the duty of asking yours."

There are people who have always wanted to go on a mission trip, but they’re afraid to ask family and friends for money. If that is you, don’t wait any longer.

If you’re passionate about feeding the hungry, send the email, make the call, and don’t be afraid to ask people to support you by donating food, service, or time.

If there is a mentor you’ve been seeking, ask them to spend time with you, so you can learn from them.

If there is a project you’d like to work on at your job, don’t be afraid to ask your manager to let you join the team.

I’m not promising that someone will always say “yes.” But when you actually have the courage to ask, two things happen: 1) a surprising amount of times people do say yes, and 2) hearing “no” doesn’t hurt nearly as much as you think it will. In our minds, somebody saying “no” feels like the sky will fall, our ego will permanently break, and we’ll have to wear a sign around our neck that says, “Somebody said ‘no’ to me.” In reality, once someone says “no,” you realize it’s not that bad, and in some strange way, it gives you more courage to ask more often.

When you actually have the courage to ask, two things happen: 1) a surprising amount of times people do say yes, and 2) hearing “no” doesn’t hurt nearly as much as you think it will.

The people that I’ve met who have the biggest impact are the people who have gotten over their fear of what everyone else thinks about them. These people are not afraid to ask, especially when what they are asking for is good, valuable, and worthy.

Do you remember show and tell?

Imagine yourself as a kindergartner, and your teacher explains that there will be no more “showing” in show and tell. You would be outraged. How boring would it be if there was no showing? You would stand at the front of the class by yourself and tell your classmates about something you had to leave at home. It would cause every student to beg for nap time. Kindergartners with the most exciting show and tell presentations have the coolest things to show the class. The telling is secondary. In fact, none of the other kindergartners will remember what’s being said. Surprisingly, the same basic principle applies to business and life.

We recently updated ADDO's website to reflect the trajectory of our business and the people involved in our work. Throughout this process, we worked with a website development company called Whiteboard, and they challenged me to think differently about this new iteration of the website.

They explained that websites work most effectively if they show rather than tell. In the past, you told the customers visiting your site what you could do for them with catch-phrases, buzzwords, and well-crafted marketing language detailing your products and services. But today, the most effective sites do a lot less telling and a lot more showing. They show the work you’ve done and how you’ve achieved success through real-life examples with other clients and trust the person viewing your website to do two things:

1) See how you’ve made a difference for somebody else.

2) And look through the lens of the work you’ve done for another client and see that your company can serve them too.

By showing stories of success and the ways we’ve made a difference, we empower potential clients to make a well-informed decision for themselves. That’s why we’re so excited about our new website. We have more work, credibility, and success to share and used half the words we did last time because we’re making the decision to show rather than tell. Showing rather than telling is not only a great idea for a website; it’s a great idea for life. We spend so much time telling people what we can do, but it’s far more effective to show them.

We spend so much time telling people what we can do, but it’s far more effective to show them.

Instead of telling your boss you’re committed, show up early, do the extra work, and add value to your company. It’s great to discuss the importance of character with your kids, but it’s far more effective to model it to them.

It’s good to be passionate about improving your local community, but it’s far more impactful to organize a team, pick up a rake, and clean up your favorite park.

It’s important to know and share what you believe, but it will fall on deaf ears unless it changes the way you live your life.

It’s one thing to tell someone you care about them, and it’s another to show up in their time of need.

Benjamin Franklin said it best: “Well done is better than well said.” Telling is good, but showing is better. So save your words, and make a difference in the world around you.

When I look out at the landscape of society, it seems like people are getting pushed into opposite corners. Years ago, before social media, we used to be friends with all kinds of people, discovering some of our differences as relationships progressed and, sometimes, never even knowing where each other stood on polarizing issues. Now, we know everyone’s political party affiliation, religious beliefs, and how they feel about the latest news or controversy from their new profile picture, updated status, or latest post.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who admitted that there are many people she meets that she likes, but once she sees their social media activity, she develops a negative opinion of them, and, honestly, doesn’t want to be friends with them anymore. More issues increasingly push us in different directions. Politics is the clearest dividing line, but it’s not the only one. In our churches, we’re divided over the best style of worship music for our Sunday services. In our schools, we’re divided over the most effective ways to teach math to elementary school students. Even in our workplaces, we find ourselves divided over issues.

The worst part about the division is that it typically forces individuals to have one of two reactions:

1). They are loudly passionate about their convictions.

2). They are compassionate to the point of cowardice.

I find that that the individuals who appear firm in their convictions, often come across as angry. Their tone is harsh, and they talk like they have a bone to pick with anyone who disagrees with them. They are certainly firm in what they believe, but they’re unloving and, sometimes, flat out rude.

On the other hand, my friends who display more compassion on the surface, seem like they don’t have a spine. They are kind and loving to other people, but they waver in their beliefs, neither unsure or unwilling to actually stand for something. Rick Warren diagnoses this problem and offers a solution for us: Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense.

"You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate." - Rick Warren

This post is a plea for all of us to exercise compassionate conviction. I believe it’s possible to stand for what we believe and still love people well. In fact, if we are serious about our beliefs, this is the only way we will ever win others to our side.

Don’t buy the lie that you either have to compromise your convictions to be compassionate, or that you must distance yourself from anyone who disagrees with you.

Compassionate Conviction. Convictional Compassion.

Call it whatever you want; our world needs more of it.

During a recent Monday morning meeting, I asked our ADDO team if any of them studied psychology in college. A couple of them admitted that they were psychology majors (and are now thrilled to be gainfully employed). Others said they enjoyed the one or two required psychology classes they took.

I was curious because I really didn’t enjoy the little psychology I studied in college. It’s not that my classes weren’t interesting, but the concepts felt too abstract to me, not tangible or actionable.

That’s why I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Dr. Henry Cloud’s book The Power of the Other. Cloud is an expert on the psychology of leadership and has written other best-sellers, but this particular book pulled me in immediately. The premise of his book is that relationships have the ability to influence every area of our lives—how long we live, how healthy we are, how much money we make, how we’re able to rise or fall within an organization, and the list goes on.

Ultimately, our relationships with other people have a huge impact not only on our emotional well-being, but on every area of our lives. In the book, Cloud unpacks four different relational connections that we develop.

Today, I want to share these connections with you and hope that you’ll apply what you learn to build strong, lasting, and meaningful relationships.

1. No Connection:

This is what happens when we find ourselves with little or no connection to key individuals in our lives. Although we are surrounded by people, we are not understood, fueled, built-up, corrected, and challenged in the ways that are necessary for thriving. This is fatal for leaders. Have you ever found yourself in this area? Without meaningful connection, we will fall into depression, anxiety, or hopeless, and we will fail to perform in all areas.

2. Bad Connection:

It’s pretty easy to know when we have no connection, but it’s tougher to discern when we have bad connections with others.

These relationships leave you feeling like you’re not good enough. Sometimes, they lead to abuse, but that’s not always the case. It could simply be that one person in the relationship is hyper-critical. Maybe it’s a boss who has unattainable expectations or a friend that only points out the bad. This leaves us feeling discouraged, and we can’t perform our best when we’re worried about failure, criticism, or a lack of approval.

3. Pseudo Connection:

These connections might be the most difficult for us, because they are far tougher to disconnect from! A pseudo-connection is an unhealthy one we pursue simply because it makes us feel good. These relationships offer things that give us temporary pleasure—making more money, getting one more promotion, great performance numbers, or being idealized by others. This connection may not even be with another person; it could be with something that brings you temporary fulfillment but ultimately leads to destruction. These relationships don’t meet our need to genuinely connect with people who fuel and guide our growth and development.

4. Good Connection:

These connections lead to relationships that help us thrive personally and professionally, but they must have five essential ingredients to be effective.

1. Fuel: They energize us to higher performance.
2. Freedom and Self-Control: Good relationships promote autonomy, choice, and personal power, resulting in increased self-control—a trait essential to high performance and well-being.
3. Responsibility: Healthy relationships enable you to own your choices and take responsibility, increasing your performance.
4. Metabolizing Failure: Good connections help you accept and learn from failure.
5. Push Toward More: They push you with the right kind of challenges to grow and get better.

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Here’s the takeaway for me: While I value relationships with others, I believe I have underestimated the impact of relationships on my growth and performance. Reading this book and understanding these concepts has challenged me to audit my relationships, so I’m asking you to do the same. Which relationships are good connections? How do these relationships add value to your life? What ingredients are missing from your current connections? Which ones do you need to change or, if possible, let go?

Do whatever it takes to make good connections and foster healthy relationships because there is far more at stake than you might have realized.

Sometimes, we write something, build something, or create something that we look back on in three or four years and are embarrassed of what we’ve done. The Timehop app is a double-edged sword, isn’t it? One post brings back warm memories while another post makes you wonder why you ever posted that picture, comment, or status. WHAT was I thinking? There are so many things that I’ve been a part of and done in my career that I would do differently today. I now know that I had incomplete information, too much bravado, or not enough experience, but the core methodology that we’ve used to build ADDO and have employed with several organizations is something that has proven to be more true and effective over time.

When we created this methodology, we believed it was right, but we had no idea how self-validating it would be in every program, every experience, and every curriculum we create for our clients. Res ipsa loquitur is a Latin phrase that means, “The thing speaks for itself.” The results of this methodology speak for themselves. But today, we won’t talk about the results; we’ll simply unpack the method. My hope is that you’ll apply it to your own creation, whether it be a Monday morning meeting, a chapter of curriculum content, a Sunday School class, or a customer experience.

It’s three words: engage, expose, and equip.

‍Engage:

‍Meet people where they are. It’s a hallmark of everything we do. When I was trying to recruit college students to help people affected by HIV/AIDS, we engaged them by involving the popular football coach on campus. When we were trying to get college students to go to Africa with us, we talked about safaris and vineyards. And before we present leadership lessons in Chick-fil-A Leader Academy, we meet students where they are with relevant content. So many people get this process backwards and try to immediately expose people to their ideas or equip them to change the world, but until you’ve actually engaged them, you haven’t earned the right to transfer knowledge and make an impact.

‍Expose:

‍This is the easiest part if you do the other two correctly. Expose them to your idea, principle, concept, product, or service. Once you have engaged them, you have earned the permission to introduce whatever it is you’re trying to do. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen often enough.

Too often people miss out on what we’re sharing because we haven’t gotten their attention from the start.

‍Equip:

‍Once you’ve presented the idea, the plan, or the product, give them the tangible tools to act on what you’ve shared.

If it’s a lesson, equip them with the ability to apply it.

If it’s a new technique, tell them how to put it into practice.

If it’s a product, let them know how they can purchase it and use it.

If it’s a new policy in your organization, equip them with the ability to make it true.

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These three words are at the core of all of our leadership products, programs, and experiences. We engage people, meaning we meet them where they are; we expose them to a timeless truth or practical principle; and we equip them with the tangible tools to go out and lead.

The methodology works. So, take it. Use it. Apply it. And go do something to change the world around you.

I like all kinds of music. I’m an old soul, so my favorites are gospel music and motown. But I also listen to country and rock and some Top 40. Sometimes, I feel like a new season calls for a change in music. And this time of year with the warmer weather, I want to get in my car, roll down the windows, and turn up the country music. Like that song by Alabama: Let's roll the windows down, turn the radio up; let the wind blow through our hair. I love country music because so much of it sounds like real life. The other day, the weather was warm, the sun was shining, and the country station played a song I’ve always loved by Tracy Lawrence: You find out who your friends are.

Somebody's gonna drop everything,

Run out and crank up their car,

Hit the gas, get there fast,

Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far.'

They just show on up with their big old heart.

You find out who you're friends are.

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‍It’s a simple message—true friends are not necessarily always there in the good times, but they always show up in the times we need them most.

Oprah explained this well: “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

We’re going to find lots of friends who like to be around for the good times, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We should enjoy fun experiences with our friends! But we need people in our lives that are eager to stick around during difficult times.

Rudy Giuliani dedicates a whole chapter of his book Leadership to this very principle. It’s titled “Funerals are mandatory, weddings are discretionary”.

It’s good to celebrate with people, but it’s far more important to be there when life is hard.

Who are these friends in your life? It’s good to invest in a lot of people, but we need to be intentional with the few friends we know will be there, not just to celebrate the high moments but to stand by us in the hard ones. True friends “rejoice with those who rejoice” and “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15, ESV).

So, you’ve read this far, and you’re either encouraged because you’re picturing certain friends in your mind as you read, or you’re discouraged because you’re not quite sure if you have those friends who will stand by you when life gets hard.

So, how do you change that? How do you find these types of friends?

Zig Ziglar has a solution: “If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.”

Be the kind of friend that’s there for both the rejoicing and the mourning, and you’ll find you’ve cultivated and kept more of these friendships than you ever thought possible.

The entrepreneur has an idea to open an ice cream shop. He works hard on the recipe for the right ice cream, designs the perfect space, creates the brand, hires his first group of team members, and opens the ice cream shop. Everyone loves the ice cream, including the people who work there. This group of people has been there from the beginning, and they are believers in the product, the service, and the experience. Over time, the concept takes off, and there is so much demand for the ice cream that the owner decides he needs another location.

Soon, there are two, three, and four stores, and they are so successful that future growth is inevitable. But now, the entrepreneur needs an infrastructure in place to support this enterprise. He needs people to make this business happen at a different level, so he begins to hire people that are experts in their fields—accounting, human resources, marketing, construction. They are talented individuals, but they don’t share the same passion for ice cream that the entrepreneur and his original team do.

In fact, many of the people begin to take more pride in their individual contributions than they do in the actual ice cream. They say things like: “I work for the Ice Cream Company, but I’m in PR.”

“Oh, I don’t sell ice cream. I’m in the financial department.”

“Yeah, I run social media, but I’d never actually work in an ice cream shop.”

‍Early in the genesis of the business, the entrepreneur’s team was passionate about the product and experience. But as the company grew, and there became more distance between his team and the core of the business, some people became more passionate about their own activities. In fact, they became so enamored with their own roles, they almost valued their contribution over the piece of the business that made their jobs possible in the first place.

This anecdote is a caution to all of us. Regardless of your organization or business, we must never forget the core of what it’s all about. Jimmy Collins, the former president of Chick-fil-A, understood this. He would often challenge people at the corporate office and say, “If you’re not selling chicken, you better be supporting someone who is!” He’s right.

It’s OK if you’re not on the frontlines of your organization, but you better be supporting the people who are.

Whether it’s a business, a non-profit organization, or a church, we ought to be supporting the people pushing the product, selling our services, or furthering our mission.

At ADDO, I’m going to have to hire more specialized roles in the near future. Eventually, we will need people to run social media or handle the accounting full-time, and I want them to love and thrive in their individual jobs. But I will go to great efforts to help them know their jobs exist to support the core of our business—the work we do to support our clients, build their brands, and create meaningful and impactful leadership programs.

You need to know and support the core of your organization. If you work in the restaurant business, it’s selling food. If you serve a local church, it’s teaching God’s Word and reaching your local community. If you’re involved in a nonprofit, it’s serving your specific group of people well.

If you work for an airline, it’s flying people safely to their destination. If you’re a contractor, it’s completing building projects where people will live, work, or play.

Wherever you work and whatever your role, do it well. Just don’t lose sight of what the business is really all about.

Walt Disney reminded his folks by saying, “I only hope that we don’t lose sight of one thing—that it was all started by a mouse.”

So today, thank someone that’s making and selling ice cream in your organization. And do whatever you can to help make their job easier.