Need an example (and maybe a brain break)? Check out the fun video at the bottom of this post. I’m in the world of leadership development, and one word we hear incessantly these days is VULNERABILITY. And I hate it.

Now, before we go any further, I want to make it clear that this blog is not meant to criticize, critique, or condemn any other leadership expert out there, especially people who have been far more successful than me. But I do want to make my case… my case against vulnerability.

The heart behind the vulnerability movement is positive. It aims to move leaders from yelling and telling to care and service. It challenges leaders to be more proximate and understanding to their people. It moves leaders from authoritative and harsh to approachable and inclusive. I agree with all of these notions, so I can get behind the sentiment of vulnerability.

But as a person who very much thinks that words matter, I have a problem with this one.

The word vulnerability literally means “the state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally” (Oxford Lexico).

Wikipedia’s definition is even worse: “Vulnerability refers to the inability (of a system or a unit) to withstand the effects of a hostile environment.”

If we take this word by its actual definition, when we encourage people to “be vulnerable,” we’re encouraging them to expose themselves so much that they are unable to withstand any negative external forces. This is a bad idea.

So I want to propose three alternative approaches that encompass the heart behind this vulnerability movement without its negative consequences: humility, transparency, and authenticity.

There are three alternative approaches that encompass the heart behind this vulnerability movement without its negative consequences: humility, transparency, and authenticity.

Humility is “a modest or low view of one’s own importance” (Oxford Lexico). Humble leaders are able to admit when they are wrong, ask for help, and celebrate the unique gifts and abilities of the people they lead.

Transparency is “the quality that makes something obvious or easy to understand” (Merriam-Webster). Transparent leaders do not project an air of infallibility or importance. They offer access to their team and answer the why questions. And they let you know what’s really going on in the business and in their lives.

Authenticity is being “true to one's own personality, spirit, or character” (Merriam-Webster). Authentic leaders do not put on a show to project a false image of who they’d like to be. They show up as their whole selves and lead out of their unique gifts, talents, and abilities.

At the end of the day, I think the notion behind vulnerability has been good for leadership development, but I think we need to be more careful with our words. Being exposed to the point of being damaged is not a positive thing.

Let’s champion good attributes like humility, transparency, and authenticity as we work to redefine our approach to leadership and to impact people around the world.

And if you want to see the business buzzwords video, you can find it here.

Jimmy Collins is the former president and Chief Operating Officer of Chick-fil-A who has dedicated his life to motivate and inspire leaders around the world. I recently met with Steve, and he shared a lesson he learned about decision-making while working with Jimmy Collins. As soon as I heard the phrase “decision-making,” my posture changed. I leaned in, grabbed my pen, and braced myself for the answer to the secret I’d been waiting years to uncover—how to make the best decisions. Because if I can I just make the right decisions, everything else will fall into place. Right?

Wrong. Well, sort of.

Jimmy Collins used to say, “I’ve made a career not on making the right decisions, but on making the decisions I’ve made the right ones.”

So often people, especially leaders, fall into one of two camps in their approach to decision-making. One group is fixated on intuition, trusting their gut to make the best decision. While the other fully relies on data, analytics, and research to guide them. The problem doesn’t lie in the approaches but on these leaders’ fixation on making the right decision.

Thinking this way can lead to either pride or discouragement. Leaders can wrongly think that it was their good sense that made them successful, or they can wrongly be discouraged by an obstacle and quit too soon. The reality is that there might not be a right decision or a wrong decision. Maybe there’s just a decision to make, and it’s imperative to take a step forward.

Collins’ perspective of decision-making is refreshing. He’s saying that we may not know if we made the right decision, but once we’ve made it, we need to do whatever we can to make it work. Let me be clear. The decisions we make are not inconsequential. It’s important that we use our insights and intuition to try to make good choices. But at the end of the day, what we do once we’ve made a decision is what matters most.

What we do once we’ve made a decision is what matters most.

So the next time you’re faced with a big decision, here’s my advice to you:

1. Decide: Take the step. Sign the contract. Have the courage to make the decision.

2. Commit: Once you’ve decided, see the decision through. Don’t waffle. Stick to it.

3. Grit: When it’s tough, keep going. Push through adversity. Overcome obstacles. Don’t quit.

Don’t let the fear of decision-making stop you from taking a step forward. It’s time to make your choice and get to work.

This year I thought it was important to tell our team why we prioritize taking this day off. We don’t just use the day to get an extra long weekend in January—although that’s always a good thing. This day, however, we intentionally celebrate a man whose life’s work is directly related to the heart-beat of ADDO’s vision—to inspire leaders today to impact tomorrow. Martin Luther King Jr. lived out three characteristics that we believe are essential to leaving a lasting impact: servant leadership, inspiring communication, and action.

1. Servant Leadership

‍Servant leaders are servants first. They lead out of a desire to meet the needs of others. And this is exactly how MLK worked as a leader of the Civil Rights Movement. He labored to make the world a better place for all people by fighting against the horrors of racism and segregation. He used his unique gifts and passion to serve his generation and all of us who will come after him.

At ADDO we want to equip, empower, and celebrate servant leaders, and MLK's life and work is inarguably worth celebrating.

2. Inspiring Communication

If you’ve never watched MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech or read his Letter from a Birmingham Jail, stop reading this blog and click on one of these links. One of the key reasons for MLK’s effectiveness was his communication ability. I have come to understand that communication is an essential piece of leadership. The 38th president of the United States, Gerald Ford, once said,

“If I went back to college again, I'd concentrate on two areas: learning to write and to speak before an audience. Nothing in life is more important than the ability to communicate effectively.”

‍Harvard Business Review said that communication is the number one quality for someone to get promoted at work.

King had a unique gift for writing and speaking. He painted vivid images and crafted sentences that will be repeated for years and decades to come.

3. Action

At ADDO, we say that leadership is influence that leads to action. MLK moved people to action. In MLK’s Letter from a Birmingham Jail, he appeals to a group of clergymen in the Birmingham area who had criticized him for his boldness in nonviolent direct action (things like sit-ins, protests, and marches). They wanted him to “pull the reins,” to step back, and to simply wait for an opportunity to negotiate. But King knew the problem with waiting. Without direct action, they would never be given an opportunity to negotiate. He knew he needed to act to bring the problem to light. In his letter, he uses the word “act” 23 times to prove his point.

At ADDO, we’re grateful for MLK’s life and work. We hope that the work we’re doing will inspire others to continue to make the world a better place.

It was pouring down rain. As I pulled up to the event venue—wipers working furiously against the raindrops pummeling my windshield—I noticed the option to valet, entertained the idea for a fraction of a second, and turned into the self-parking lot. $22 for valet? That definitely wasn’t in the budget. Decked out in the nicest suit I owned, I stepped out of the car into a puddle, opened my umbrella, and attempted to balance my laptop and umbrella in one arm, and a giant box full of my books in my other arm, as I made my way to the venue entrance. With socks soaked through, I walked on stage and gave it all I had.

Thankfully, things look a little different now—at least most of the time. With more experience, I’m landing bigger speaking engagements with better benefits. My days of lugging books around and trudging through parking lots full of puddles still happen, but they are few and far between. At my last speaking engagement, the company who hired me didn’t try to cut corners. I pulled right up to the main entrance of the Ritz Carlton at Lake Oconee, handed my keys to the valet attendant, and was immediately greeted by a host: “Welcome, Mr. Scott. We’re so glad you’re here!” Talk about a contrast. It’s truly humbling. I love what I get to do.

I’ve heard Jeff Foxworthy talk about the progression in his comedic career and describe a similar experience. He went from doing any comedy gig he could get on nights and weekends to hosting sold-out shows across the country. He went from being treated like the 3:00 a.m. slot at the local comedy club to “Mr. Foxworthy, how can I serve you?”

I’m nowhere near as successful as Jeff Forxworthy, but I can see a similar progression.  You have a little bit of success, you gain additional benefits, and people start treating you differently. Jeff Foxworthy said that when clients and hosts first began treating him better he was genuinely humbled and thankful, but the more he progressed in his career, the more he began to expect this special treatment. He said it became easy for him to forget where he’d come from and be genuinely grateful for the care he received.

There’s no problem with people choosing to treat us better, but when we shift from appreciating it to expecting it, it becomes a heart issue.

This plays out in so many different areas of our lives. Our first experiences of care, kindness, and service make us grateful, but once we get into a routine, it’s easy to take them for granted and to expect others to go the extra mile. When you first begin dating someone, you’re amazed by the things they do and the ways they love and care for you. But down the road, after you’ve been married for a little while, it’s easy to expect those things. When they bring you a cup of coffee as you’re getting ready, you aren’t appreciative because you expect them to do it. When you’re a new member of a church, it’s easy to appreciate your pastor and the hours of work he puts into teaching and serving your community. But once you’ve been a member for a little while, you begin to expect it, and you stop thanking him for the work he does for you week after week.

Early on at ADDO, I remember being so thankful and genuinely appreciative of people willing to work extra hours and put in additional effort to help a client and our company succeed. But I have seen seasons of our organization where I began to expect people to do that. Here’s what’s interesting: When I am appreciative of what others do, I find that most of the time they are appreciative of what I do. But the inverse is also true. And that’s the danger.

When we move from appreciation to expectation, we get on a slippery slope that makes our relationships transactional.

This week, I want to challenge you to live a life of appreciation. If you begin to notice yourself expecting something that you used to appreciate, stop, take a deep breath, and intentionally grow in gratitude.

When I was younger, I felt far more comfortable confronting conflict head-on. I remember being a leader in student organizations and addressing different problems easily. If there was a way to do something better, we were going to do it. If somebody needed to be challenged, I was on it. No problem.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become less confrontational. There are times when this can be a good thing. But more often than not, it has made me more hesitant and far less willing to address certain challenges in a timely manner. In fact, I’m willing to admit that my unwillingness to confront conflict could be the single greatest gap in my personal leadership.

Recently, I heard a story about a cow and a buffalo that’s challenged me to better handle conflict this year.

I love when real-life examples provide me with practical tools to live and lead at a higher level.

Let’s start with cows. Did you know that the natural reaction for a cow when it senses a storm coming is to run away from it? If the storm is moving from west to east, the cow will move further east, trying to outrun the storm. Here’s the problem: cows are slow. The storm will always catch up to them. And because the cow continues to try to run away from the storm, it will actually spend more time in the storm than if it had just stood still and never moved at all.

A buffalo takes a totally different approach. When a buffalo senses a storm coming, it moves toward it. If the storm is moving from west to east, the buffalo moves west and will move headfirst into the storm. Because the buffalo is going one direction as the storm is moving the opposite way, it will end up spending far less time in the storm than the cow.

When approaching conflict, I’m not saying it’s good to be a bull (or a buffalo) in a China shop. A love for conflict and a desire for constant confrontation is not a good thing. But this example of the cow and the buffalo is meant to remind us of this principle: when we see a challenge and are willing to face it head-on, the consequences are fewer and the resolution comes more quickly.

When we see a challenge and are willing to face it head-on, the consequences are fewer and the resolution comes more quickly.

So this week: Turn around. Face the conflict you’ve been running away from. And meet your next challenge head-on.

His intent was an invitation and challenge to his friends and guests to assess the progress of their thinking. I’m fortunate enough to have friends who push me to do the same. Every year around the holidays, I get together with a group of friends that I deeply respect. This time is special because, although I see these friends individually throughout the year, we’re rarely all in the same room.

This is a group that pushes me to grow, and as a part of our time together this year, the host asked us to come prepared to answer Emerson’s famous greeting, along with a couple of other intentional questions. As we launch into this new year, many of you have made resolutions and set new goals. But one thing I’d challenge each of you to do this year is to ask the right questions.

Some questions make us think differently, they change our perspective, and they just might change our lives.

Here are a few to consider:

1. What do you value, and are you true to your values?

2. What should you be doing that you aren’t doing right now?

3. What do you wish you knew that you don’t know?

4. When was the last time you set a big goal?

5. What have you learned lately?

6. If you weren’t afraid to fail, what would you try?

7. If you knew you only had a certain number of days to live, what would you do differently?

8. How have you grown in character this year?

9. Who could you count on if you really needed somebody?

10. Need another one?

Martin Luther King Jr. famously said:

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is ‘What are you doing for others?"

In 2020, if you want better answers, make sure you’re asking the right questions.

Allie and I met through a study abroad program for young leaders that I helped start. Since graduating college, she’s founded and grown a wildly successful business—True40 Studio. As we sat down to eat and catch up, I loved hearing how Allie, now a wife and mom, became a flourishing entrepreneur. Here’s her story, followed by some great advice for each of us to take into 2020.

Allie graduated from Auburn University and moved to New Orleans shortly after, newly married and eager to jump into her career. She had a degree in kinesiology and landed a job requiring her to test out wellness solutions. This allowed her to try out and gain certification to a diverse range of fitness approaches (think classes like crossfit, barre, yoga, pilates, etc.).

After their time in New Orleans, they moved back to the small town of Auburn, Alabama, and Allie was determined to open a franchise of one of her favorite exercise concepts. She expressed her desire to her dad and asked him how to get the money to pursue this venture. Her dad asked a wise question, “What do you like about this franchise?” She answered him, and then he asked in return, “If you started your own concept, what would you do differently?” She told him her idea of a perfect fitness studio. And he responded matter-of-factly: “Why don’t you just do that?”

For him, it was simple. If you think doing something different would be better, why not create your own?

After giving a laundry list of reasons why creating her own fitness studio was surely a bad idea, her dad encouraged her to do it anyway. A few weeks went by, and Allie still wasn’t sold on her ability to pull it off. So her dad showed up and said, “Let’s go look at places for your fitness studio.” As they looked, she found her dream space, prayed, and without even a name for her concept, signed a lease on a place.

Allie created True40 Studio, and it was embraced instantly by the community. So when her husband was assigned his clinical rotations in Birmingham, she decided to open a second location there. Now, she also has locations in Tuscaloosa and Atlanta—where she, her husband, and baby girl now reside.

Hearing her story inspired me. To be honest, it reminded me of my younger days, when I had the guts to take big risks and just do it. Was it naive? Probably. But it reminded me that if you have a dream, you should pursue it. If you have an idea, make it come to life. If you can make it better, start today. Allie and I hadn’t seen each other in almost ten years, and I fear the Kevin of today—that’s married, has a kid, and is a little more prone to stability—may not have the same “let’s just do it” attitude that he did back then. But the message that I wrote in 8 Essential Exchanges is still as pertinent today as it was then. We (that’s all of us) should still exchange stability to do something significant. We should still exchange the immediate for the ultimate.

So here’s my challenge to you this week:

Make some essential exchanges in 2020. Be willing to give up short-term comfort for long-term growth.

Pack the Uhaul.

Send the application.

Make the call.

Start the Bible study.

Open the business.

Cultivate the new family tradition.

Teach the workout class.

Try the new diet.

Find the mentor.

Book the trip.

If you’ve been waiting for permission to respond to that feeling inside you, consider this post your letter of consent.

Just start.

If you’ve never seen it, or it’s been a while since you have, the movie opens with a scene of men, women, and children praying for a man named George Bailey. The camera pans, and the image shifts from a snowy Bedford Falls to a vision of heaven and a conversation between two angels. They’re preparing to send help to George Bailey and discuss the next angel in line—Clarence, a novice angel without his wings. They claim he has “the IQ of a rabbit but the faith of a child” and send for him anyway.

The conversation goes something like this:

One angel says to Clarence: “A man down on earth needs our help.”

Clarence asks: “Is he sick?”

The other angel replies, “No, it’s worse. He's discouraged.”

Have you ever been there before? Is there anything worse in life than feeling discouraged? You know, discouragement is truly a sense of hopelessness.

And we live in a world that is looking and longing for hope.

The famous Christmas song “Oh Holy Night” contains this line: Long lay the world in sin and error pining.

I looked up that word pining—it’s one we don’t hear very often. It actually means to suffer a mental and physical decline, especially because of a broken heart. Sounds a lot like discouragement to me.

But the song gives us some desperately needed good news:

‍He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

‍A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.

‍A thrill of hope because He appeared. And that hope, the hope found in a baby born in Bethlehem, is what Christmas is all about.

A thrill of hope because He appeared. And that hope, the hope found in a baby born in Bethlehem, is what Christmas is all about.

“For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulder,

and his name shall be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

– Isaiah 9:6

To be sure, there are plenty of things to enjoy during this season. I love the lights, the tastes, the smells, the gift-giving, and the fact that people are a little nicer to one another. However, Christmas movies hold a special place in my heart. We watch them year after year, but we don’t get tired of them. And I think I know why. Although these movies contain very different stories, each have that similar theme that keeps us coming back—redemption.

Let me give you some examples.

A Christmas Carol: Scrooge starts the movie as a greedy, heartless curmudgeon, but through his encounters with the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future, his heart is changed. He embraces Christmas, gives generously, and good triumphs over evil.

Miracle on 34th Street: The Santa Claus at a large department store points shoppers to a competitor where they could buy toys at cheaper prices. At first, the big business executives are outraged, but through the persistent humility of Kris Kringle, their hearts are changed, and they embrace the magic of the Christmas season.

Home Alone: As a grown adult, I still find so much satisfaction in seeing this little kid out-smart two burglars. One gets an iron dropped on his head, and the other gets shot with a BB gun.

Once again, the good guy wins over the bad guys.

The Grinch: He loathes the Whos of Whoville and tries to take away their Christmas. But the warmth of Cindy Lu Who changes him, and “the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day.” He realizes Christmas doesn’t come from a store and joins in on the celebration.

Elf: Buddy the Elf’s dad begins the movie as an angry workaholic. But through his time with his long-lost son, his priorities change. He chooses his family over his career and even helps Santa’s sleigh fly with his Christmas cheer.

‍

And let’s not forget all of the Christmas movies that air on the Hallmark Channel. Even though they’re cheesy, they get millions of views each Christmas season. Why? They may be predictable, but they always end the way you had hoped. Everybody is longing for a story where good triumphs over evil—a story of redemption. Because in the world we live in today, it often doesn’t feel like the good guys are winning.

I’ve got great news for us this year:

Redemption isn’t only found in the movies, it’s found in the very reason we celebrate this season. In fact, that story goes back more than 2,000 years ago to a stable in Bethlehem where the light of the world came and dwelt among us.

“The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world...” – John 1:9

Because of that story, our story is forever different. Good truly does triumph over evil. The light entered into the darkness, and the darkness will not overcome it.