For those of you who don’t know, this is a Jewish tradition. It’s a coming-of-age ceremony for girls that celebrates their entrance into the community as a responsible, contributing member. This rite of passage for girls—or bar mitzvah for boys—has been celebrated in the Jewish culture for generations.

The young lady we celebrated recited Hebrew and shared reflections from the work required to arrive at this special day. The amount of disciplined preparation she placed into this ceremony was truly impressive. There were many remarkable things about this celebration, but a few stand out among the rest. There are three things I took away from attending this bat mitzvah that I believe apply to all people, regardless of culture or tradition. These ideas matter in your work, your home, and your relationships:

1. The most important principles do not change:

During different parts of this service, we were reminded certain things were happening because of long-standing tradition, dating back to 1300 BC and the time of Moses. These are ancient commands that people are still seeking to obey because they are applicable and helpful to their lives. What does that mean for us today? Ecclesiastes 1:9 says,

“There is nothing new under the sun.”

That’s not meant to downplay our individual contributions, but it’s a humbling reminder that our big ideas are really one of two things: a new way to talk about something that has been true for a long time, or if it really is new, it’s probably not that groundbreaking or important.

2. There’s value in community:

During the bat mitzvah, it was obvious that the entire congregation, every single person, was invested in this young woman—her life and her journey. We all need this kind of community, one that stretches beyond our immediate families. For me, one of the best places to find this has been in the fellowship of a local church. If you’re not finding it there, you should find it somewhere.

I often see groups that go through ADDO’s leadership programs develop this kind of community as they have shared experiences. In each program, there comes a point where you have to let the guard down, be a little more vulnerable, and engage in some real-talk. This inevitably leads to people knowing one another on a deeper level. People crave this kind of community, and it’s vital to find it and cultivate it where you can.

3. It’s important to speak truth:

This young woman’s parents, her Rabbi, and other important people in her life verbally spoke truth over her life. The verbal piece is key. You can open up Instagram or Pinetrest and find inspirational quotes. But going to this bat mitzvah reminded me of the importance of speaking truth to somebody face to face. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” It’s interesting that it doesn’t say, “Life and death are in the power of the pen.” As someone who writes books and blogs, I believe the written word has tremendous value, but there’s a special power in speaking real words into people’s lives.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.” It’s interesting that it doesn’t say, “Life and death are in the power of the pen.”

This celebration ceremony of a different faith reminded me of ways I can grow in my own life and leadership. Here are two specific challenges for you and for me this week:

1. Do you have community outside your immediate family? If not, find it. Cultivate it.

2. Speak truth to the people in your life. Stop typing and let them hear your voice.

Maybe you’ve never sold goods or services, but I bet you’ve at least tried to sell your idea or opinion. Let’s go the movies! Tacos are better than nachos. Cake is an acceptable breakfast food. I know, earth-shattering stuff.

But I’m trying to make this point—we’ve all been there. We’re working hard to sell something, to convince someone of our idea, and sometimes our customers, clients, or friends are just not buying it.

I experienced this with an ADDO client. We have a good, long-standing relationship, but there was a season where we were trying to move them in a certain direction that would benefit both parties and our shared work. However, after multiple tries to persuade them, nothing seemed to resonate.

I expressed my frustrations about this business exchange to a mentor and friend, and in response, he taught me a helpful lesson.

My friend reminded me that people make decisions based on one of three factors:

1. Vision

2. Pain

3. Fear of Pain

People make decisions based on one of three factors: vision, pain, or the fear of pain.

Put another way, people decide to buy something, or to make a change, when they see something more positive (vision), when they are trying to solve a problem (pain), or when they are afraid they’ll face challenges if they don’t do something (fear of pain).

The way it was explained to me, I had been selling vision. That’s what I enjoy selling. It’s positive and exciting. My mentor pointed out that when people stop buying vision, you have to create or show them where they have a pain point or at the very least, create a fear of pain on the horizon if no action is taken.

It’s not surprising that I get the most satisfaction out of selling vision. “If you do this, your life is going to be better; your organization is going to be healthier; your employees are going to be more engaged; your customers are going to be more loyal.”

Unfortunately, of the three factors, people base most of their decisions on pain or the fear of pain.

Your employees are disengaged. Your customers aren’t loyal. You’re losing the war for talent. Your strategy is not clear, and your people are frustrated. This is pain, and it’s motivating.

If you don’t make a change, your employees are going to leave and go somewhere else, your customers are going to go to your competitor, your engagement will drop, your customer-satisfaction will decrease, and you’ll be less efficient. This is a legitimate fear of impending pain.

Think about some of the major decisions you’ve made. Were those because of vision, pain, or fear of pain?

I bought the new car because of vision.

I bought the new transmission because of pain.

We bought the extended warranty because of the fear of pain.

Now, think about what you’re selling. Are you selling vision, pain, or a fear of pain?

Our nonprofit provides underprivileged children the opportunity for a better life—vision.

No more waiting in long lines, order through our mobile app—pain.

If you don’t sign up for this new streaming service, you’ll miss out on the new show everyone is talking about—fear of pain.

If you haven’t thought about how you sell your idea, product, or service, now is the time.

If they aren’t buying what you’re selling, you may not need to change your product, just your tactic. Shift the language, and shake things up. When you figure out what motivates them to buy, it’s far easier to sell.

Jump in the shower,

Grab a quick breakfast (probably don’t have time).

Hop in the car,

Leaving 15 minutes early to get to work and prep for my first meeting.

Accident on the interstate,

All lanes are shut down—Go from 15 minutes early to 20 minutes late.

Late to the first meeting,

Try to wrap early, but still late to the second meeting.

Now heading to lunch.

Check in on projects.

Wrap up work day.

Options in front of me:

I could go work out or

Go home and hang out with my family.

I really need to work out;

I’m definitely out of shape.

But I really need to get home to my family.

I skip the workout, head home, and walk in the door.

This is the moment I need to be fully present for my family, but most of the time—I’m not. I’m distracted, thinking of the twists and turns of the day’s events, and it’s difficult for me to give my wife and son my best, my undivided attention.

Did you know that the Jewish day starts in the evening? Their days begin at sundown when their work is finished. That concept is an interesting shift from my typical perspective. Often at the end of the day, one where I’ve been pulled in a million different directions, I’m just trying to power through this time—to just make it to bed.

But for people in the Jewish culture, this evening time is the beginning of a new day. It’s not the end, but the start of something. If we embraced this practice, imagine how this would change these hours for us? How much more do I have to offer at the beginning of the day than at the end? I want to live and lead in a way that I offer my best to the people who need it the most. I don’t want to run out of steam before I get to the most important part of my day.

I want to live and lead in a way that I offer my best to the people who need it the most.

I’m from the south, so this is a good illustration for me: Imagine going through the buffet line, and you see there’s one last bit of macaroni and cheese in the edge of the pan. Do you want to take the last, cold, crusty scoop? Or do you want to wait for them to bring out the fresh pan of hot, bubbly macaroni and cheese? I know where I stand. I’m holding up that buffet line to wait on the good stuff!

I don’t want my family to get the last little bit—the leftovers. I want there to be an abundance, so I can give them the best, not just what’s left.

In my current stage of life, I need to focus on my family. However, if you’re reading this, I’d challenge you to think about who needs to receive your best but often just gets what’s left. For you, it might not be the time at home in the evening; it might be the big meeting that you need to be fully engaged in but you’re not. Maybe it’s the Sunday School lesson you need to prepare that’s been pushed to the back-burner. Maybe it’s a phone call that you need to make to your friend that’s struggling, but you squeeze the call in during a quick commute when you’re partially distracted. Take some time to think about this question:

What is the part of my day that most needs my time, energy, and effort, and how do I allocate my energy accordingly?

This week, let’s make every effort to live out of an abundance mentality, not a scarcity mentality. We must believe we have a lot to give, and in order to be good stewards of it, we need to give our best, not what’s left, to the people most important to us.

The most wonderful time of the year, right?

Except when it's not.

The older I get, the more aware I am of how incredibly difficult the holidays are for so many people. As children, most of us were sheltered from this reality. No matter their personal circumstances, adults put on happy faces for us. We didn’t know if they were depressed, discouraged, or disillusioned because they didn’t want to dim the excitement of the season for us. We didn’t understand that things may not have always been as great as they appeared.

Thanksgiving—the introduction to the holiday season—is a time when so many people have a heightened awareness of their deferred dreams and unmet desires. It’s compounded when others share the things they’re thankful for.

Sometimes, these expressions of gratitude can be a hurtful reminder to someone of what they don’t have.

It can be a reminder of the person who’s not at the table…The loved one who passed away.

The sibling that decided not to come home after another argument.

The baby you’ve prayed for year after year but is still not here.

It can be a reminder that you’re still not married.

It can be a reminder that you don’t love your job and wish you could do something else. It can be a reminder that you’re more lonely than you ever have been.

It can be a reminder that important things in your life are not going as planned.

If any of these scenarios hit close to home, I’m so sorry. These are very real hurts and challenges, and I don’t want to devalue, diminish, or downplay any of them. But I do want to offer a humble suggestion. In the world of business, a key strategy for success is to focus on the bright spots, the areas where you’re having success, and to figure out how to reproduce them. I would encourage you to do the same this holiday season. Though the bright spots for you may feel few and distant, every single one of us has something to be grateful for.

If you woke up this morning and have breath in your lungs and blood pumping through your veins, you have a purpose. If you have a place to rest your head at night, you’re blessed. If you have someone in your life—a family member, a friend, a neighbor, a pastor—who loves you and cares for you, you have so much.

Every one of you has bright spots. Every single one of you. Think about them. Focus on them. Be grateful for them this week.

As we get ready for Thanksgiving, I’ll leave you with this:

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” – Philippians 4:8

As a person who loves the finish line, the goal, the buzzer at the end of the match, the declaration of the winner, I am all about the destination. At my most cynical, I would say, “If there’s no destination, there’s no point in taking the journey in the first place.” Now before you stop reading, I know in my heart that this isn’t the truth. I do know the journey matters, but my natural bent is toward the destination.

Because I’m motivated and driven by goals, I’ve noticed a major shortcoming in this generation—their destination and aim is happiness. Many are actively pursuing and chasing this often fleeting feeling in their personal relationships, in their jobs, and in the nitty-gritty of their daily lives.  

Not convinced of the happiness obsession? Check out the self-help section of the bookstore. Here are just a few titles from a quick search on Amazon: The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life, The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living, The Art of Happiness, and Stumbling on Happiness.

‍People have been pursuing happiness since the beginning of time, but recent studies are shedding light on its negative effects. On a recent commute to work, I heard the morning host say,

“The quest for happiness always leads to misery.”

At first, it sounded a little harsh, but as I sat in traffic on my morning commute, I realized it was true. I thought about the people I know who spend the most time thinking about how to make themselves happier, and these are the least happy people I know. The people fixated on this elusive, evasive thing called “happiness” are often miserable.

Legendary investor, mutual fund manager, and philanthropist John Templeton once said, “Happiness pursued eludes. Happiness given returns.”

“Happiness pursued eludes. Happiness given returns.” –John Templeton

Want to be happy? That’s the secret. The people focused on making other people’s lives better are the most happy. When you focus on making another person smile, rather than working to make yourself feel better, the most amazing thing happens: you feel better.

This week, I want to challenge us to do some self-examination.

Take a hard look in the mirror.

If your goal is happiness, you will never be happy.

But if your goal is to pour out your life for the good of another person—for their happiness—you’ll probably be happier than you ever imagined.

As a speaker, author, and leader in my business, it’s even tougher to have to backtrack on something I’ve communicated publicly. I’m constantly sharing new ideas and throwing leadership concepts out there, and there will be times I share something that needs clarifying or a test for complete accuracy. It might even be that something I felt passionate about in one season doesn’t prove to be as helpful in the next.

Recently, this happened in our business. Now I’m working to help our team shift from a perspective that I used to encourage. For the last couple of years, I’ve challenged our team members at ADDO to think like owners. Looking through the lens of an owner, what is the best decision to make? If you owned this place, how would you do it? How would you serve the customer more effectively? Would you give this refund or not? How would you balance your priorities? I believed that looking through the lens of an owner to make important business decisions would be clarifying for each individual on our team. I knew the pride of ownership changes the way that people treat things, so I wanted us to embrace this in our business. I’m not saying an ownership mentality is bad, but my perspective has shifted for two reasons:

1. Feedback from our team:

I have been fortunate to have team members give honest feedback and say, “You tell me to think like an owner, but I’m not an owner. I can try to think that way, but it’s tough to think in a way that’s contrary to reality.” And they’re right. It’s kind of like saying, “Think like a teacher,” or “think like a pastor.” We can try, but if we haven’t been in those shoes, it’s tough to think accurately along those lines.

2. Personal pressure:

If you are an owner, and you’re always thinking like an owner—you could be stressed by the pressure that comes along with it. During a tumultuous time in our business, I remember sitting at our company Christmas party, watching our team members, many of them with their spouses, and feeling a tremendous weight of responsibility. I vividly recall thinking, “There are people in this room whose families’ livelihood depend on me making the right decision.” It’s good for us to feel responsible for our decisions, but if we are always thinking through this lens, we will be overwhelmed, and it could cripple our ability to make bold decisions.

So I am asking our team to shift from an ownership mentality to a stewardship mentality.

Processing this shift in perspective reminded me of a story in Scripture called the Parable of the Talents. In this parable, three individuals were each entrusted with different amounts of money (talents). They did not own the talents, but they were each responsible for how they stewarded them. The owner in the story is a picture of God, and the people entrusted with the talents are pictures of you and me. For me personally, this truth is a weight off my shoulders.

According to some legal documents and the IRS, I own part of ADDO. But at the end of the day, God owns all of it—and it’s my job to steward the people, the relationships, the products, the opportunities, and the business to the best of my ability. And guess what? The people on my team are called to do the exact same thing. We may not all have legal ownership, but we are all responsible to be good stewards of the work we’ve been given to do.

Instead of thinking like an owner, work to be a faithful steward. For the owner, this is freeing. For the employee, it’s clarifying.

Each of us has been entrusted with a job, a role, or a responsibility, and we are called to steward it well.

You might be a parent taking care of children, a coach pouring into young people, a volunteer doing work that no one ever sees—whatever it is you’re doing, remember that you’re a steward. Looking through this lens is a great reminder to be faithful in what has been entrusted to us.

A brand is not a logo. A brand is not even what you tell the world you are.

A brand is what people say about you when you’re not in the room.

It’s the way they feel about you, the way they describe you. It’s how someone would explain who you are and what you do. For the purpose of this post, let’s focus on the personal aspects of building your brand. Most of us fall into one of two camps:

1). There are those trying to build their personal brand and craft their narrative. These people want to be seen in a certain light and focus on how they are perceived by others. When they put too much emphasis on how other people see them, they could be characterized negatively as narcissists.

2). On the other hand, there are those who say, “I’m not worried about my brand.” People in this camp would say they have no need to waste energy carefully crafting an image to the world. While it may come from a genuine place of humility, this approach carries a huge risk. The reality is that we all, every single person reading this, has a personal brand. Personal brands aren’t reserved for celebrities or freelancers or small business owners. Each of us have our own brand.

So whatever your contribution to the world, here are three elements to making sure your brand is the best it can be:

1. Authentic:

Your personal brand has to be you. Your brand can’t be something you’re not. This might feel self-explanatory, but too many people trip over this first element. If I am trying to build my personal brand (as Kevin), it wouldn’t be as a bodybuilder. For those of you who know me personally, this shouldn’t come as a surprise! A personal brand won’t work if it’s not true. Sure, you might convince a few people that you’re someone you’re not, but that doesn’t work long term. And by the way, this should help silence some of the critics that say building your brand is self-serving or narcissistic.

Good personal brands are simply authentic expressions of who a person is.

2. Compelling:

Your personal brand should be interesting to people. When I say interesting, I don’t mean that it’s always exciting or fun, but it’s interesting to people because there’s something about you that’s good for them. If you are ALL about you—what you do, what you have, what products you deliver, what services you provide—no one will care. Most people are self-focused. Therefore, in order for your brand to be compelling, it needs to be about something you offer to the world. I love this movement started by Jeff Henderson of Gwinnett Church, which is all about telling their community what they are for. What a great concept. The most successful brands and businesses are the ones that benefit the world.

3. Discoverable:

This element is key. For you and your brand to be successful, the right people need to know where to find you. In today’s world, you might be thinking about the internet, SEO (Search Engine Optimization) and social media presence. And these can each be a part of being discoverable. But think more specifically. Do the people who would benefit from what you can offer the world know where they can find you? If your CPA services can help small businesses, do those small businesses know you exist? If someone is looking for a local church in your community, do I know where to find yours? If I need a quick drive-thru healthy meal, do I know where to find your restaurant? If your brand is authentic and compelling but nobody can find you, it’s not helpful.

This may mean that you need to attend a networking group, join an organization with like-minded people, or simply tell people where you're passionate about adding value to others. These three elements listed above apply not only to individuals, but to organizations, businesses, and nonprofits. Even the biggest business must have a brand that is authentic, compelling, and discoverable to impact the people they desire to serve.

So whether you are a teacher or the CEO of a large organization, ask yourself these questions this week:

• What do people say about me when I’m not in the room?
• What do I have to offer the world?
• Do the people who need me know where to find me?

My wife and I were a little late to the This Is Us bandwagon. And to be honest, I would like to jump off at any time. But for the sake of my marriage, I am hanging in there. It’s not that This Is Us is a bad show. In fact, I think it’s a great show, but it’s emotionally exhausting. In our house, the scenario goes something like this. We’ve just put our son to bed. We’ve got roughly an hour before we both would like to go to sleep. Laura turns to me and asks, “Do you want to watch This is Us?” And I think, “You know, it’s been a long day at work, and I don’t think I have the emotional capital to spend on watching that show tonight,” so I suggest Family Feud instead. But I don’t hate This Is Us. It’s one of the most compelling shows I’ve ever seen. Inevitably in every storyline, there is some great tragedy or some heightened emotional moment born out of the light, fun topics of alcoholism, death, eating disorders, family conflict, or divorce.

The show mirrors real life, so in most episodes, some character makes a bold commitment about how they are going to live their lives differently. They are going to be present at home. They are going to stop drinking. They are going to lose the weight.  We can all relate to the show, because even if we haven’t faced the same situations, we’ve all made those types of commitments to ourselves and other people in our lives.

There’s been a conflict with your friend, a tough conversation with your boss, or a fight with your spouse. And in that moment, things have been brought to light. The picture has been clarified. And you realize something about yourself that you never have before. So you make the promise to your boss, your coworker, your friend, your spouse, or maybe even to God: “I am going to be different, and things are going to change.”

Ever made a promise like that?

I’m going to be a better spouse. I’m going to be intentionally present with my kids at home. I’m going to give it my all at work. I’m going to invest in this friendship. I’m going to support this coworker. I’m going to be more committed to God and my faith.

When things are bad and there’s nowhere to go but up, these commitments feel easy to make. But when things are better, those promises are often easy to break.

So here’s my challenge to you and to me today:

Be willing to fulfill in the good times the commitments you’ve made in the bad times.

There are multiple critical components to effective leadership. Leaders need to provide clear direction, they must lead by example, and they need to own up to their mistakes, all while keeping the commitments they've made to themselves and others.

We make promises when things are tough, but the true test of integrity is whether or not we fulfill those when our situation improves.

These individuals are seasoned, successful, and accomplished. Most of them also fit the stereotype of their profession. Their job is to manage money. They work to mitigate risks. They are focused on the bottom line. And they think in terms of real, concrete results.

So in a crowd like that, I probably look a little different. Not only am I quite a bit younger than most of the people in the room, but they also look at me as the “leadership guy” who is doing the inspirational stuff. My closing keynote followed sessions like “Understanding the Regulatory Environment” and “A Decade After the Downturn—What’s Next?” So I knew my content had the potential to be perceived as “fluffy”—not the serious stuff.

Whether it’s my own insecurity, or maybe the fact that I want to work extra hard to add value, I made sure to highlight the practical benefits of a purpose, of a vision, and of good leadership. Maybe you need a reminder that these things have a tangible impact as well.

So let’s explore the very practical benefits of purpose. For the sake of this message, I’m going to use the words purpose, vision, and goals interchangeably—not because they mean the same thing, but because these practical benefits I’m outlining apply to each of them.  When you have a clear purpose, you have clear benefits. If you miss everything else, don’t miss this: When the vision is clear, the mundane becomes meaningful.

So here are three practical things that a clear vision does for you:

When the vision is clear, the mundane becomes meaningful.

1. Helps you WANT to get going.

The word I like to use here is passion. When you have a clear vision, you have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. It lights the fire. Vision acts as a catalyst. It’s the spark plug that makes you want to dive into your work. If you think about going on a trip, vision is the destination. When I know the destination, it makes me want to get in the car, turn on the ignition, and hit the road!

2. Know WHERE you’re going.

Very tangibly, vision gives you direction. Having a purpose, vision, or goal simplifies your decision-making process. Every day, you’re confronted with options, and you must decide what to do and not do. When you are crystal clear about what your goal is, then you can look through the lens of that goal to evaluate your decisions. Bottom line, a clear goal helps you know more clearly whether to say “yes” or “no” to choices you need to make.

3. Makes you WILLING to keep going.

Vision provides motivation. When life gets tough—you get discouraged, depressed, and just don’t feel like persevering anymore—having a vision will motivate you to push through obstacles and challenges to achieve your goal. The clearer the goal, the more impactful it is. Think about that: the better I can visualize my desired future, the more motivating it is. The challenges we face are looming, large, and right in front of our eyes. We need a clear picture of our purpose to persist through the obstacles that try to deter us.

Your individual goals, vision, and purpose provide the passion, direction, and motivation necessary to fulfill your calling.

This works personally, but it also works organizationally. It’s not enough to simply create a mission statement and put it on a wall. Doing the annual goal-setting exercise is not sufficient. It must become something you see and pursue.

A clear purpose, vision, or goal for your organization will fuel your team with passion, provide them with direction, and give them the motivation to achieve the important work you’ve set out to do.