Last week I was speaking to a telephone and broadband association event in Asheville, NC. The leader was so kind to invite me to bring my wife and our two oldest kids. In addition to speaking and meeting some incredible folks, our family got to spend time together, make memories, and tour the Biltmore Estate together.

There were some total breakdowns with our kids along the way, as you can imagine with a 5 and 3 year old. When we were standing in the ticket line in 96 degree weather, I wasn’t sure this was going to make the list of favorite family memories. Yet as time passes, I will look back on that trip fondly. Why is that?

Two of my favorite authors, Chip and Dan Heath, unpack this phenomenon in their book The Power of Moments. They discuss the psychology of perception and explain the reasons why we remember certain events and not others.

In the opening section, they walk through a family’s day at Disney World as if they were rating their experience hour by hour.

Here’s their summation:

9 a.m.: Cattle-herding your kids out of the hotel room. There’s excitement in the air. Rating: 6

10 a.m.: Riding “It’s a Small World” together, with parents and children each under the impression that the other must be enjoying this. Rating: 5

11 a.m.: Feeling a dopamine rush after riding the Space Mountain roller coaster. Your kids are begging to ride it again. Rating: 10

Noon: Enjoying expensive park food with your kids, who might enjoy it less if they knew you bought it with their college fund. Rating: 7

1 p.m.: Waiting in line, for 45 minutes now, in the 96-degree central Florida heat. Trying to keep your son from gnawing on the handrails. Rating: 3

2 p.m.: Buying mouse-ear hats on the way out of the park. Your kids look so cute. Rating: 8

The average of these moments: 6.5. Not necessarily amazing, but it was a pretty good day. However, if you ask this family to rate their day at Disney World a few weeks later, they would say it was a 9.

This is because they will remember the way they felt after Space Mountain and the way they felt leaving the park. When rating an overall experience, you subconsciously average your best moment and your last moment together.

As Italian poet Cesare Pavese says,

“We do not remember days; we remember moments.”

This should be an encouragement to us. It takes a little of the pressure off. Sometimes in our pursuit of perfectionism, we strive to make every moment memorable. The problem with this is that we almost always fail. It’s really tough to make every single moment magical–whether at Disney or the Biltmore. Moments simply need to stand out and be better than others.

When we fully embrace the power of moments, we can focus on carefully crafting those mountaintop moments that people will remember for a long time.

My friend David Salyers, describes these moments as etched memories. These are the pictures, interactions, and feelings that are carved into your mind after an important experience.

At the local restaurant, you remember when the server walks up and ties the balloon around your three-year-old’s chair, and they all sing “Happy Birthday” to her, making her night.

At the fast food restaurant, you remember when the person behind the counter offers to take your food to your table, so you can situate all of your kids.

At the church, you remember the person who made you feel comfortable and helped you find a seat the very first time you attended. Then, you remember that person at the end of the service who said he would love to see you again the next week.

A year from now you won’t remember most of this week. But you might remember an intentional interaction with a coworker, a friend, or a family member.

Take a minute right now. Stop what you’re doing and think about the kind of memories you want to make. This is not a charge to be extravagant, to spend more money, or to give up a crazy amount of time to plan an experience. It’s a simple reminder for each of us to focus our attention on the memories that will be etched in our minds for years to come.

This message matters for each of us who are responsible for a group of people, whether a business, a Sunday school class, a classroom, a sports team, or just your family. A positive culture happens when you work daily to create an environment of consistent care and when you don’t miss making the memories that leave a lasting impression.

We live in a time of increased polarization, especially when it comes to our politics. That division leads to a more negative self-perception of our country. In spite of that, it is worth remembering that we live in a country that people are trying to get into, not get out of.

I know what you’re thinking. “Kevin, I can’t read another word about politics.” But this post isn’t about politics. It is about learning leadership from America’s greatest leaders.

Today, I want to focus on one of my favorite presidents, Ronald Reagan. His ability to inspire, connect, and lead is undeniable. As part of a leadership series I was recording, I had a chance to visit the Reagan Library in California several years ago, and was reminded of four key leadership lessons we can glean from Reagan’s approach:

Leaders Cast Clear Vision: Great leaders understand the power of vision to motivate and mobilize people. Reagan excelled at articulating a compelling future that resonated deeply with his audience. His vision for America as a "beacon of hope and democracy" wasn't just rhetoric – it was a call to action that inspired millions.

Reagan's famous declaration at the Brandenburg Gate, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" exemplifies the boldness and clarity of his vision. In today's world of diplomatic nuance, such directness might seem jarring. Yet, there's an undeniable power in leaders who can articulate their goals with such precision and conviction. If you have a minute, you can hear more of the story here:

People are drawn to leaders who can paint a vivid picture of a better future and invite others to help create it.

Leaders Create Connections: Reagan's ability to forge genuine connections with people from all walks of life was legendary. He chose to attend Eureka College, a co-educational school open to a diverse community of students and only one of a few such institutions at the time. While there, he befriended Willie Sue Smith, the first African American female to graduate from college. Smith would help Reagan pass notes between he and his girlfriend during class.

Another story that exemplifies his relatability comes days after he was shot. He accidentally spilled some water on the floor in his hospital room. He was caught on his hands and knees wiping up the water and said that he wanted to clean it up, so his nurse wouldn’t be blamed for the mess. Proverbs 18:12 says, “Humility comes before honor,” and Reagan was a man that lived out this principle.

Reagan understood that true leadership isn't about elevating yourself, but about lifting others. His relatability wasn't just a political asset – it was a fundamental aspect of his character that allowed him to bridge divides and build trust.

As leaders, we must remember that our ability to connect with others on a human level is often more impactful than any policy or strategy we might devise.

Leaders Choose to be Optimistic: Reagan's unwavering optimism became a hallmark of his leadership style. His forward-looking attitude, encapsulated in statements like "Like most Americans, I live for the future," set a tone of possibility and progress.

This doesn't mean Reagan ignored challenges or difficulties. Rather, he chose to focus on potential solutions and opportunities. In times of uncertainty or setback, a leader's optimism can be a powerful force for maintaining morale and momentum.

Leaders have the power to shape the emotional climate of our teams and organizations. In times of uncertainty or setback, a leader's optimism can be a powerful force for maintaining morale and momentum. Coupled with determined action, optimism inspires others to persevere and achieve more than they thought possible.

Leaders Have Consistent Character: Perhaps Reagan's most enduring leadership quality was his consistency of character. Peggy Noonan, President Reagan’s speechwriter, said it best:

“In a president, character is everything. A president doesn’t have to be brilliant; Harry Truman wasn’t brilliant, and he helped save Western Europe from Stalin. He doesn’t have to be clever; you can hire clever. White Houses are always full of quick-witted people with ready advice on how to flip a senator or implement a strategy. You can hire pragmatic, and you can buy and bring in policy wonks, but you can’t buy courage and decency; you can’t rent a strong moral sense. A president must bring those things with him."

Reagan's dedication to his core values and principles provided a stable foundation for his leadership. In a world of shifting priorities and pressures, his consistency built trust and respect, even among those who disagreed with his policies.

Leadership isn't confined to political office or executive suites. Each of us has the opportunity to lead in our own spheres of influence – whether that's in our families, communities, or workplaces. I challenge you to embrace these principles in your own leadership journey.

The world needs good leaders now more than ever. Will you answer the call?

Maybe you’re like me. You think if you avoid or ignore a situation, it’s going to magically get better. Except that doesn’t usually happen. In fact, avoiding it often makes things worse.

If you haven’t heard the cow and buffalo story before, this will be a revelation. For the rest of you, I’m willing to bet you could use the reminder.

When cows sense a storm approaching, their instinct is to try outrunning it. If the storm moves west to east, the slow-footed cow will plod further east, expending more energy yet inevitably getting drenched as the storm overtakes it.

Buffaloes, however, take the opposite approach. Sensing that same western storm, the buffalo charges right toward it from the east. By moving into the storm's path rather than vainly trying to escape it, the buffalo encounters the storm head on and passes through it much more quickly.

This analogy contains a powerful principle:

When we're willing to face challenges head-on, we minimize fallout and arrive at a resolution more quickly.

Now, I'm not advocating for constantly picking fights or a combative spirit. Unrestrained conflict benefits no one. But a willingness to engage, even when it’s uncomfortable, is a discipline we should learn. I love this quote from Tim Ferris:

“A person’s success in life can often be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have in a day.”

We should lean into difficult discussions - not just as a last resort, but as a first move. Facing challenges is a step on the path toward fulfilling our potential.

Which uncomfortable conversation have you been running from?

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Here’s my encouragement:

• Pick up the phone, call the client, and make the hard ask.

• Own your mistake, call your friend, and tell them you can’t come to their event because you’ve overcommitted yourself

• Schedule the meeting, sit down with your teammate, and give the constructive criticism he or she needs to grow.

• Fine-tune your resume, gather your references, and call your contact at the company where you really want a job.

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Lean into the uncomfortable. Engage where you’ve been avoiding. My bet is that you’ll ultimately emerge stronger and stop wasting emotional energy while you’re avoiding.

Former President Dwight D. Eisenhower once criticized the politicians influencing agriculture by saying, "Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field."

Ouch. But he's absolutely right; the more distance between you and the problem you're trying to solve, the more disconnected and ineffective your efforts become.

Proximity is power, because the closer we move to a need or challenge, the higher our level of empathy and understanding. And the greater our ability to develop solutions that actually work.

It's why bureaucracy creates obstacles to solving problems - there are far too many layers, creating far too much insulation from the real issue.

At ADDO, we work alongside large organizations, inevitably bureaucratic, to help them connect to their frontline. We often find executives with good intentions who have trouble communicating with the people who directly interact with customers. The best leaders make sure to make proximity a priority, moving closer to the front lines rather than locking themselves in ivory towers and echo chambers.

But this doesn’t just apply to businesses.

How could your church be more effective if it had more interactions with those in your community?

How could you be a better parent if you spent time doing things with your kids that they enjoy?

Consider where you need to move closer. Put it on your calendar. Make the intentional effort to listen, observe, and interact.

Proximity provides perspective. Closeness cultivates empathy.

We won't move issues an inch until we move ourselves - closer to the front lines, closer to the problems that require solving. That's where change begins.

In the classic film City Slickers, there's a brilliant scene where grizzled cowboy Curly (played by Jack Palance) shares some timeless wisdom with Mitch (Billy Crystal). Mitch has paid for a two-week dude ranch vacation, where he learns some important lessons about himself.

I’ll paraphrase the conversation they had as they rode the range on horseback.

Curly observes: You all come out here about the same age. Same problems. Spend fifty weeks a year getting knots in your rope then…then you think two weeks up here will untie them for you. None of you get it. (Long pause) Do you know what the secret of life is?

Mitch: No, what?

Curly: This. (Holds up his index finger.)

Mitch: Your finger?

Curly: No. One thing.

Just one thing. You stick to that and everything else don’t mean crap.

Mitch: That’s great, but what’s the one thing?

Curly: Well, that’s what you’ve got to figure out.

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Curly is right. It’s up to us to strip away all the clutter and noise and find the one thing that matters more than anything. And, when we do, relentlessly pursue it.

To the younger readers: You earn this opportunity the older you get. In my book, 8 Essential Exchanges, I talk about moving from being the master of none to becoming the master of one.

The years peel away the superficial, allowing the core of who we are and what we're meant to do to take center stage. Each of us should work to ruthlessly eliminate the distractions and zero in on our singular defining purpose. While we may never fully achieve mastery, the pursuit itself provides clarity and conviction.

When the apostle Paul was writing a letter recorded in scripture, he said, “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” (Philippians 3:13).

There it is again: one thing.

For each of us, that one thing will be different.

But, when we narrow in on that one thing, we begin to fulfill our purpose and reach our true potential.

So ask yourself: What is your one thing? What on earth are you here for? And always remember, each of us has a reason for being here. If you have a pulse, you have a purpose!

Her taste is more sophisticated, while I am always down for a classic comedy.

Recently, I talked her into watching Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. If you don’t know this movie, it’s an 80’s classic about a slick-talking, trouble-maker named Ferris Bueller who fakes being sick, so he can skip school, sneak out of the house, and hang out with his best friend and his girlfriend. Many may think this movie doesn’t have a lot of depth. But in the midst of many ridiculous experiences, there’s one line that really stands out. Ferris turns to his more cautious friend and says, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.”

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.” –Ferris Bueller

You might be a recent college graduate, a young mom, or a retired businessman, but regardless of your age and stage, we can all take Ferris’s advice to stop and enjoy where we are today. I’m approaching a milestone birthday (more on that next week), so I’m keenly aware that life is moving fast. Today, I want to challenge you to embrace the life you have been given.

Author Bronnie Ware worked in palliative care for many years and cared for patients in their final weeks and days of life. When she asked them if they had any regrets, there were a variety of answers, but here were the five most repeated:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Don’t get to the end of your life with a whole bunch of regrets.

Take some advice from an unlikely source: Ferris Bueller. Look around, be yourself, enjoy your family and friends, and embrace where you are today.

To be transparent, I’ve thought about it more than I probably should have. I’ve never been one to really focus on birthdays, but this one feels different. I’m sure those of you further along in your journey are rolling your eyes right now. I get it that life isn’t over. However, I can relate to Norman Corwin’s sentiment from his book The Ageless Spirit, where he said, “I remember now that the toughest birthday I ever faced was my fortieth. It was a big symbol because it said good-bye, good-bye, and good-bye to youth.”

Much of my identity has been wrapped up in my youth:

Writing the first book at a young age.

Being the youngest speaker at the conference.Creating leadership programs for the next generation. I also realize that 40 brings lots of opportunities. Corwin went on to say, “But I think that when one has passed through that age it’s like breaking the sound barrier.

”As I reflect on the first 40 years, here are some truths I’m carrying with me into the next phase of life:

1. It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.

2. Obedience is more important than feelings. Ike Reighard says, “The great doors of opportunity swing on little bitty hinges called obedience.”

3. Conformity: Doing what everyone else is regardless of what is right.

Morality: Doing what is right regardless of what everyone else is doing.

4. The most important things in life aren’t things.

5. If you have a pulse, you have a purpose.

6. The best way to know God is to spend time with Him.

7. “Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.” – Donald Miller

8. If you want to change the world, you have to break the rules. Remember, Orville Wright never had a pilot’s license.

9. In order to make a difference you have to be different.

10. My kids are growing up fast. I need to enjoy each season. Yes, even the hard, frustrating, exhausting ones.

11. Don’t be afraid to like what you like.

12. Take the trip.

13. You can love the past without living in it.

14. Loyalty to those you love is good in the good times, but essential in the tough times.

15. My dad always said: If you’re going to be stupid, you’ve got to be tough.

16. Choosing your friends is choosing your future. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17

17. “People will always try to stop you from doing the right thing if it is unconventional.” – Warren Buffett

18. “Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.” – Francis Chan

19. “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” – Corrie ten Boom

20. Find ways to make memories and visit them often. Cesare Pavese says, “We do not remember days, we remember moments.”

21. You can’t change that which you tolerate.

22. Stop chasing the next thing. The next paycheck, the next client, the next book, the next country, the next house. Too much focus on what’s next makes you wish your life away.

23. Success is not measured in the money you make or the recognition you receive, but more so in the lives you touch and the impact you have.

24. My favorite Zig Ziglar quote, “The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want right now.”

25. There is no better way to see the world changed than to be a part of changing the world. Get off the sidelines and do something to change the world.

I hope these resonate with you. More importantly, I hope I’ll have the courage to practice what I preach.

I’m thankful for each of you in my life. Many of you who receive this list are friends, fellow church members, colleagues, and other incredible people I’ve met along the way.

To be clear: Speaking is not my full-time job. But as an extension of my work at ADDO, I get to speak often, and I really enjoy it. It is a gift that I am grateful to use whenever I get an opportunity.

Because I’m asked about this so frequently, I decided to answer this here. And the advice I have has implications far beyond speaking.

So: Should I speak?

Well, it depends…

1. If you’re speaking more to be impressive than impactful, the answer is No.

Don’t speak just to say something, speak because you have something to say.

If your primary motivator is to experience the thrill of someone clapping at the end of your talk, you should not speak. To be honest, I enjoy the affirmation of others, so I am often asking myself this question: “Is my primary goal to be impactful or to be impressive?” When the latter becomes more important than the former, I am off track. Check your motives before you agree to speak.

2. If you actually have something to say, the answer is Yes.

Dr. Nick Morgan, Harvard professor and expert on public speaking, says, “The only reason to give a speech is to change the world.” His argument is that every time you stand in front of a group of people, you have the power to affect their perspective. Any group in any room. Whether a team meeting, a town hall, or a Sunday school class.

“The only reason to give a speech is to change the world.” –Dr. Nick Morgan

Former President Barack Obama once said, “One voice can change a room. And if one voice can change a room, then it can change a city. And if it can change a city, it can change a state. And if it can change a state, it can change a nation. And if it can change a nation, it can change the world. Your voice can change the world.”

Whether or not you like Obama’s politics, no one should deny his gifting as a speaker and that his words move people profoundly. And he is right in this statement. Your voice matters, so if you have a gift for public speaking, decide to use it for the good of other people.

Your decision to stand up and speak could change the world.

The idea behind the podcast is that being a dad is probably more stressful than we’d like to admit, and we need some encouragement to be intentional and to do it well. Guys don’t naturally initiate or have these kinds of conversations with one another, so we are providing a space to share and get the conversation going.

The opening episode of Legacy Makers is all about building a lasting legacy as a dad—why it’s important and where to start. In it, Eric used an Ernest Hemingway quote to emphasize why we’re starting this conversation. In his book The Sun Also Rises, one character asks, “How did you go bankrupt?” The other responds, "Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly."

“How did you go bankrupt?” The other responds, "Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly." –Ernest Hemingway

This principle applies far beyond fatherhood (and bankruptcy). A person’s life doesn’t typically go off the rails in an instant. It’s usually a long, slippery slope. Sometimes it's so gradual that we don’t even notice.

The Casting Crowns song “Slow Fade” depicts this truth well. The chorus goes:

‍It's a slow fade

When you give yourself away

It's a slow fade

When black and white have turned to gray

And thoughts invade, choices made

A price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

It's a slow fade

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Small things matter because they will gradually build up into big things.

This truth impacts our choices as fathers, but it should also influence every aspect of our lives.

This is why consistency is key to being the kind of father, husband, friend, and leader that I want to be over the course of my life.

Consistency is doing the small things daily.

Consistency is not just saying you care but showing you care.

Consistency is creating an environment where individuals are encouraged to be their best.

Consistency is a culture where people hold each other accountable.

Consistency matters.

Whatever you do, be intentional in small but important ways.

You don’t wake up one day and realize you have a strained relationship with your child. Start asking good questions today.

You don’t wake up one day and randomly decide you want a divorce. Pursue your spouse and choose to love daily.

You don’t wake up and realize your business has no revenue. Pick back up your outbound sales efforts.

You don’t walk into your office and are shocked to find a dysfunctional culture. Work to set the temperature of a better environment for your team.

You don’t look around and feel shocked to find that you have no friends. Pick up the phone and reconnect.

Focus on the little things you need to do now, so you don’t have regrets in these important personal and professional pursuits in the future.